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Palin Says America Is Heading In The Wrong Direction! Sarah Palin jumps off bus for motorcycle ride. Palin mingled leisurely with pony-tail patriots and her Tea Party fans. Amid a series of looping and unTwitterable comments, Palin said of her bus, "This is a bus to be able to express to America how much we appreciate our foundation and to invite more people to be interested in all that is good about America and to remind ourselves we don't need to fundamentally transform America, we need to restore what's good about America". The bus driver made no comment even under the assurance of anonymity lest he rile the rolling thunder faction and be chased under the bus. June 1, 2011. D.C. Motorcycle Swap Meet

Huckabee Quits! Mike Huckabee already owns a $2.2 million White House replica in Florida. Mike Huckabee announced that he will not seek the Republican nomination in 2012 because he already lives in his own White House. With the big money he earns selling books and his FOX cable show, Huckabee decided he'd be giving up too much personal luxurious comfort to pursue the office of President and serve the American people. May 14, 2011. Port Knox Huckabee House

Haley Quits Race! Governor Haley Barbour brought his Mississippi style to Iowa but couldn't gain traction. Haley had a notion that since he's on a back slapping basis with hundreds of heavyweight GOP donors and politicians, it's just the plain folks he needed to rassle onto his bandwagon. However, Haley was unable to persuade enough Iowans to climb aboard so he ended his short campaign. Haley was a national GOP boss under George Bush long before winning his Mississippi Governor job. April 25, 2011. Des Moines RV Park & Lock.

Michele Bachmann Goes Running In New Hampshire! She's not officially in but neither is anybody else. .. Bachmann is not waiting for Sarah Palin to show up with a book to sell. The Minnesota Republican is making her own face time with Tea Party people who twitter with glee in response to her rally face rhetoric and celebrity status. Bachmann has tried to channel the nation's founding fathers with semi-ferocious lines like "Don't tell me what kind of light bulbs to buy!" Despite being prone to making gaffes and rewriting history her frequent flubs will not deter her and if she keeps trying this hard she may collect a fervent fan base of New Hampshire support. March 14, 2011. Ham & Tea Party Luncheon.

The Bottom Three! It's not easy to get free media attention. They give speeches and compete in conservative straw polls but the mainstream media takes little notice. Former pizza mogul Herman Cain won a Tea Party straw poll in Phoenix by feeding a hungry crowd free pizza with rhetorical red meat toppings. Former New Mexico Governor Gary Johnson has rolled up straw poll support due to his call for marijuana legalization but many of his people fear driving in Arizona. FOX flamethrower John Bolton presses for preemptive attack on Iran to prevent a nuclear threat but in Arizona the enemy of choice is Mexican drug smugglers. March 2, 2011. After Party BBQ.

Awards Shows Shockers! Oscar awards surprise upstaged by Tea Party straw poll shocker. It was only a mild surprise to see James Franco pretty in a pink dress considering he was co-hosting the Hollywood liberal entertainment event of the year, but it was absolutely shocking to see pizza king turned Atlanta conservative radio rant jockey, Herman Cain, come out ahead of Ron Paul, Tim Pawlenty, Sarah Palin and Mitt Romney in the straw poll of people in attendance at the Arizona Tea Party rally and rant event. As expected, Ron Paul was the online straw poll winner with 128% of the vote. February 28, 2011. Tea People Awards Show.

She's Gonna Blow! Government shutdown showdown brewing as Speaker Boehner may be losing control. Republican Tea Party caucus members have defied their Speaker by pushing for a full blown government shutdown. A real life game of crazy chicken has pushed the situation to the boiling point and threatens to make a watery soup of the nation's economic recovery. February 27, 2011. Tea Party Armageddon News.

Thune Tunes Out, Can't Make It Without Murdoch's $ Millions! Thune quits race due to lack of support from Rupert Murdoch and his FOX NEWS cabal. Thune doesn't have a multimillion dollar book deal with Murdoch like Sarah Palin. Thune also doesn't have a multimillion dollar cable talk show on Murdoch's FOX cable like Mike Huckabee. And finally Thune said he doesn't even have a multimillion dollar FOX news contributor deal like Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum and John Bolton. Thune concluded that since he could not compete with Murdoch's money he will stay in the U.S. Senate and do Murdoch's bidding there in the hope that one day he'll earn the same support given Murdoch's five current employees running for President. February 22, 2011. FOX NEWS Employees Lunchroom.

Trump Ponders Presidential Run! Donald Trump spent President's Day seriously thinking about running for the GOP nomination. A large bronze horse statue was brought in so Trump could get a better idea of what it might feel like to be a President like George Washington. Trump's longtime sculpture consultant said The Donald looked comfortable in a variety of heroic and statesmanlike poses. Trump will study his photos on the magnificent statue and then decide if he's got time enough in his busy schedule to launch a campaign for President in 2012. February 21, 2011. Trump Presidential Tower.

Chris Christie Refuses To Run! Tea Party favorite says he's not ready to run in 2012 Presidential Derby. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has been picking up betting support in national GOP 2012 Presidential polls because Christie established a reputation for drastic budget cuts to government services which has made him very popular in many states other than New Jersey. However, Christie who is quick with numbers, was quick to realize, as a standard bred maiden race winner he hasn't a fraction of the bankroll needed to compete against the multibillionaire Rupert Murdoch barn and his unprecedented five horse stable. Other Republican Governors have been quick to emulate Christie's style of imposing drastic state budget cuts with no mercy and the Tea Party inspired cuts have become the nationwide norm in state politics since the November 2010 election. February 18, 2011. Monmouth Raceway

It's Obama's Fault! Palin crashes on the Road To Ruin, says wreckage was caused by Obama's European-style socialist driver programs being shoved down her throat. Police officers on the scene were about to check for drunk driving because the driver would not stop a ranting tirade about it being 100% Obama's fault when one officer recognized Palin and realized she was just rehearsing a speech she was scheduled to deliver later that day. The investigation remains open because officers have been unable to determine exactly how President Obama had caused the accident. February 17, 2011. K St. and Road To Ruin.

Palin Had Prior Wreckage! Sarah Palin involved in previous accident in Alaska. Obama blamed for the accident. Alaska State Troopers were called to the scene but the investigation was never finished because they could not locate President Obama who apparently had fled the scene according to then Governor Palin. President Obama was also seen at an event in Washington D.C. that day and must have used a military jet to get back so quickly. February 17, 2011. Alaska Trooper Archives.

Ron Paul Wins Straw Poll! Texas Congressman Ron Paul pulled 30% of the straws to win first place in the 2012 GOP Presidential straw poll at the annual CPAC convention. The Conservative Political Action Committee straw poll has historically been a poor predictor of the future but supporters of Ron Paul hope three times is the charm as this will be the third time the 76-year-old Ron Paul has run in the Presidential Derby. The anti-war Ron Paul may find new support around the old race track in the budget-slashing era of the Republican Tea Party. February 12, 2011. Washington AgriDome

Jon Huntsman Gets Encouragment To Run From Sarah Palin! Former Utah Governor Jon Huntsman might enter the race for the GOP nomination. Huntsman reportedly was encouraged to go for it after a stimulating encounter with Sarah Palin. Jon Huntsman currently serves as the U.S. Ambassador to China for the Obama administration and speaks Mandarin Chinese fluently. He resigned his Utah Governor's job six months after a landslide reelection victory to take the Ambassador's post in China. Palin loves Chinese food and made a point of reaching out to the handsome Huntsman at a recent event featuring egg roll appetizers. Huntsman has lived in China before and has been nicknamed "The Manchurian Candidate" by political bloggers. February 5, 2011 Mandarin Convention Center.

Who will be the Biggest Loser in 2012? Candidates vow to shed extra pounds for campaign. With Mitt Romney looking a young Jack LaLanne, several of the other candidates plan to hire personal trainers so their physiques won't become the object of ridicule running against physically fit candidates like Romney or ultimately Obama. February 3, 2011. GOP/RNC Gym and Sauna

Barbour Signals He's Ready To Run! Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour follows Romney and Huckabee to Israel for speaking engagements, photo-ops and fundraisers. Because it's helpful to have Jewish street crediblity when fundraising anywhere, the traditional pilgrammage to Israel has been boilerplate politics for U.S. presidential candidates for the last 30 years. The trip is considered a strong indicator of a candidate's intention to officially announce his candidacy. Barbour will be speaking to a Who's Who of Jewish leaders in Israel. January 31, 2011. Shevitz Downs Haifa

Pence Off Fence Drops New Hints! Indiana Representative Mike Pence will NOT run for President and may enter Indy race instead. Pence held a news conference and in the same sentence that Pence jumped off the Presidential fence, Pence dropped hints that gave a sense that Pence has intents in Indy since Pence would hence be favored for the pole position in the Indiana Governor's race. January 27, 2011. Indianapolis 500 Press Pit

HU SAID WHAT? Troubles with translation were forgotten after Hu signed $45 billion in new contracts for investments in America. Chinese President Hu continues his tour of Chinese interests in America. In addition to President Obama, President Hu has met a Who's Who of Congressional and business leaders. The Chinese government is estimated to hold more than 11% of America's debt so Hu has been on an inspection tour of Chinese investments. January 18, 2011. Fort Knox Chinese Wings

Obama Support Bounces Back! Popularity jumps 13 points since the Obama tax compromise unleashed a flood of lame duck activity in December. What a difference one month makes. The new Congress has arrived in Washington D.C. and the President has been looking Presidential for several reasons. An assassination attempt on an Arizona Congresswoman had the nation looking to Obama for emotional leadership and he delivered. January 17, 2010. Recovery Road USA

Ahoy Captain Reid! Harry Reid steers record boatload of bills through Senate waters. The Obama Tax Compromise passed, Don't Asked Don't Tell was repealed, the START arms limitation treaty with Russia was ratified and the biggest overhaul of food safety legislation in 70 years were on the checklist of items completed during the most productive lame duck session in 45 years. Harry Reid was the man responsible for charting a course, scheduling and navigating the many items to passage through the rough legislative waters of the Senate. Nobody in either party expected so much to get accomplished in so little time but the November elections made lawmakers more aware of what they should have been doing in the first place. December 21, 2010. Senator Lakes D.C.

Newt Says Nyet! Gingrich sees political gain in riling Russians. Former Republican House Speaker Newt Gingrich opposes the START nuclear arms limitation treaty with Russia. The treaty has support from the White House, the Joint Chiefs, the State and Defense Departments, the Allied Commanders of NATO and all former U.S. Secretaries of State. Gingrich earns a living selling books and has never served in the military. December 18, 2010. Fort Fox Command Center

No Way, No How! Mike Bloomberg says no to 2012 Presidential bid. Start spreading the news, Bloomberg will remain King of the Hill, Top O' the Heap and A-number one. Hizzoner says he isn't leaving town. After a political style speech last week rumors were swirling but Bloomberg addressed them and said definitively that he will not run for President in 2012. Bloomberg says he wants to be remembered as the best mayor in New York City history. A failed attempt to buy the U.S. Presidency would likely overwhelm and taint his NYC legacy. December 13, 2010. Bloomberg Tower NYC

Huckabee aka MegaMint! Huckabee builds $2.2 million White House replica in Florida. Mike Huckabee will soon be living in his own White House. With the big money he earns selling books and his vision for America on his FOX cable talk show Huckabee has built an impressively huge mansion with many of the iconic design elements of the official White House in Washington D.C. December 10, 2010. Port Knox FL Portfolio

Reid Pair Still Big! Senator plays ballsy hand squeezing legal online poker into fragile tax bill. The Reid online gaming plan would legalize online poker operations in Nevada and New Jersey. Horse racing states like Kentucky would be allowed to operate online wagering for horse races. Both Democratic and Republican degenerate-gambler horse-playing poker addicts have no greater ally in Congress than Harry Reid. December 9, 2010. D.C. Downtown Casino

Mike And Ike Plan Pitched To Palin! RNC head wants Palin as nominee. With Obama veering to the center on tax issues, Republican National Committee President Michael Steele has a plan to steal the black vote from President Obama. Steele has enlisted Ike Turner in what he calls his Mike and Ike strategy. The plan calls for Sarah Palin to sing on a Gospel Revival television special and visit inner city battered women's shelters. December 8, 2010. NAACP Round Up Days

Obama Support Hits Bumpy Road! Popularity sags but may spring back with better days. With one bump in the road after another and the economy's slow recovery people are still feeling jittery. December 7, 2010. Recovery Road USA

Debate Rages On! Slim chance seen for agreement between sides for more or less. Independents have the luxury of not taking a stand except to criticize both sides sides while Independent-registered voters may be a lot like fickle football fans who only root for the winning team and will switch sides at halftime. December 6, 2010 . FEDEX Political Ideology Arena

GOP Seeks Hefty Tax Cuts For Millionaires! Boehner calls tax cuts for 98% of Americans "chicken crap". Despite 67% of the country and most Tea Party voters being against extending tax cuts for millionaires the tone deaf Republican leadership of John Boehner in the House and Mitch McConnell in the Senate have made extending tax cuts for millionaires their number one legislative priority for 2010. December 4, 2010. GOP Society Weekly

South Dakota's John Thune Hears Call To Run! Trumpet call may have sounded like heavenly music but voice was definitely track announcer. Devout Christian and Republican Senator John Thune experienced an epiphany when he heard what sounded like a voice from a Higher Power call him to run for President in the 2012. The 2012 GOP primaries start in Sioux City, Iowa, just a quick gallop across South Dakota state lines. Thune was a frontrunner for the vice presidential slot in 2008 before McCain plucked Palin from obscurity. McCain's plucking of Palin was preceded by press reports predicting Thune would be the pluckee. December 3, 2010. South Dakota Fair (FL OTB)

McCain Says Don't Ask Don't Tell Works Fabulously! Just don't ask McCain how he knows because he won't tell you. John McCain has made it his priority to oppose the end of Don't Ask, Don't Tell and has testified that the policy works fabulously and we should not be taking it up the ash can. December 2, 2010. Capital Motel Hearing Rm 6

Diminutive Stature Did Not Stop John McCain in 2008! Mitch Daniels and Michael Bloomberg are the same height as McCain at 5'6". McCain won dozens of state primary races and the GOP Presidential Nomination Derby in 2008 despite being the shortest runner in every race. Most Americans aren't much taller than that anyway and no significant disadvantage except for the glaringly obvious is expected for the two shortest candidates in the upcoming 2012 Republican Presidential Primary Stakes Races that break from the gate here in Iowa. Sarah Palin is also 5'6" but appears taller because she wears spike high heels and booster boots. December 1, 2010. Iowa State Fair Barn 8b

Mitt Not Missing, Will End Silence! Romney is scheduled to appear on Jay Leno's Tonight Show because people thought Mitt was missing, out of the country, retired or locked in a cone of silence. Mitt Romney was not lost but he wasn't getting media attention because of Sarah Palin. Palin gets more attention than any other candidate and Romney is worried people will forget he is supposed to be the frontrunner. Mitt doesn't want to waste time tweeting stupid Twitter messages but may be forced to start. Romney will be increasing his TV appearances in an attempt to keep up with the avalanche of Palin news, nonsense and the tweet musings of her infatuated masses. November 30, 2010. Romney Media Magazine

Mike Pence Says Flat Abs And Flat Tax Both Good! Pence preaches survival of the fittest in Detroit. To an audience of people who would be unemployed except for government bailouts of the auto industry, Indiana Republican Mike Pence outed his six-pack plan for a flat tax that would hurt poor people so much they would forget about government assistance and move to refugee camps on Indian reservations. The flat tax is called flat because it squeezes people at the bottom so hard that homeless people become footpaths. Pence said Detroit has already created a solution to the homeless problem with production of the flatbed truck. Pence also called for a flat earth climate change denial policy and a flat line healthcare plan that would be dead on arrival. November 29, 2010. Detroit Flat Festival

Miller Sues, Says It's Not Time! Miller's time has run out but Miller refuses to concede Alaska Senate race. Tea Party favorite and Palin endorsed Republican Joe Miller finished behind Lisa Murkowski by over 10,000 votes and is only contesting 8,000 votes but has filed a state lawsuit to stop the election from being certified. Miller is more antisocial than libertarian and has consistently used a different form of arithmetic throughout his losing campaign. He goes against the grain in all matters and the Palin protege would have made the nuttiest U.S. Senator in history. He may already be the worst loser as Republican and Tea Party leaders in Alaska and throughout the lower 49 states have said enough already. The media spotlight is very intoxicating and Miller has already had way too much. November 27, 2010. Alaska State Courthouse

Ron Paul's Revolution Is Alive! The election of Ron Paul's son, Rand, as Kentucky's U.S. Senator, suggests the ideology of Ron Paul may become mainstream. If a Ron Paul 2012 campaign catches fire like it did late in the 2008 race and you add Tea Party rising star Rand Paul, it becomes a father and son tag team ticket that might be irresistible. Independents might register Republican to vote for a family instead of a family values slogan. Ron Paul ran miles better in 2008 than he gets credit for and if the great spirit of his former national campaign operation were to rise to life from the ashes with the powerful energy directed by the warrior son the great powwow in the sky will be seen by all on the face of the clouds. November 26, 2010. Paul Family Indian Guides

Sarah Palin Makes Barbara Bush's Blue Blood Boil Palin pushes back after Barbara Bush tells Larry King she hopes Palin stays in Alaska. Palin on Twitter is armed, locked and loaded so she didn't hesitate to fire back at the 89 year-old wife of one President and mother of another. Palin blasted away at blue bloods who prefer to dictate their choice for President instead of listening to the people. Of course, Palin herself was plucked from obscurity by GOP blue bloods as their choice for Vice President and has since been the chosen one for corporate blue bloods who facilitate her bookselling and media manipulation whirlwind. Barbara Bush naturally resents Palin because by birthright son Jeb should be President. November 25, 2010. Kennebunkport Palace

Huckabee Volunteer Training Video Out Huckabee's favorite joke about deflating Democrat tires on election day now an instructional video. Humor-challenged volunteers took Mike Huckabee seriously because despite good effort his usual jokes are rarely professional grade zingers and he only pays for new jokes by Jeff Foxworthy when his speeches are televised. Huckabee's folksy common sense nonsense is supposed to reassure couch potato Americans that a regular Joe Blow undereducated flag waving redneck heehaw can be President too. Chuck Norris loves the Huckabee style but others are left feeling flat. November 24, 2010. FOX Backstage Blogger

Has Rupert Murdoch Conquered America? With as many as five employees running for President it's all up to Rupert Murdoch. Sarah Palin has a big money contract as a paid contributor for Murdoch's FOX cable news. Mike Huckabee hosts a talk show on FOX cable and Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum and John Bolton are also a paid contributors to FOX. Of the top four contenders for the Republican Presidential nomination only multimillionaire Mitt Romney is not currently employed by Rupert Murdoch. November 23, 2010. FOX Wasilla Wrestlin Arena Dressin Room

Pawlenty Promises Jobs For Florida! Wants to open margarita bar with Kenny Chesney. Tim Pawlenty may run for the GOP nomination on his cool guy image who stands for laid back economic growth and prosperity. His plan would create waitress and kitchen jobs for the local Florida beach economy and hopefully be rewarded by the presidential campaign endorsement of kingmaker and former Florida Governor Jeb Bush. November 22, 2010. Timmy's Surf Shack

Trump Towers over others at building towers and creating jobs. He's thinking about 2012. Trump has charisma and already is business success personified but "The Donald" is so unimpressed with Sarah Palin and the other GOP candidates that he might run for President. Trump says it's embarrassing that in international business dealings America has been getting it's butt beaten badly by cheating Chinese. November 20, 2010. Trump Trumpeter

Bobby Jindal Will NOT Run in 2012! "NO ifs, ands, buts or caveats". He will run for re-election as Louisiana's Governor's in 2011. At only 39 years old Jindal would be the youngest Presidential candidate by ten years so it makes sense for him to wait until he's gained more experience and political allies before attempting a national campaign. Since Jindal will also be busy with the Governor's race, he feels it would be impractical to pursue a Presidential run this time around. He says he still has much to accomplish in Louisiana and a run for President would take too much time away from getting that job done. November 19, 2010. Baton Rouge Cajun

A THRILLA N' WASILLA! UPDATE! MURKOWSKI PACKED EFFECTIVE WRITE HOOK IN WRITE-IN SENATE VICTORY! Lisa Murkowski attacked Sarah Palin as not worthy of top ranking. Murkowski told CBS she doesn't think Sarah Palin has the leadership qualities or intellectual curiosity to be President. When asked about Murkowski's comments, OMG Palin said she couldn't care less LOL. November 18, 2010 . Wasilla Wrestlin Arena

Men See Sarah Palin Differently Than Women! Psychologist studies show significant differences between men and women's perceptions of Sarah Palin. Men tend to see Sarah Palin much more favorably than women do and give her a much higher positive favorability rating overall. Men also see Sarah Palin as much more physically attractive than women do. November 17, 2010. Discount Psyche

DeMint Stroking Steele Ejection! Steele faces teabagging as chairman of RNC. Jim DeMint called for a shake up of RNC leadership including replacing Micheal Steele with a Tea Party favorite. Steele's term as RNC chairman has been controversial because of a fundraiser at a bondage strip club, a luxury hotel Hawaiian conference to discuss RNC deficit spending and zero return on minority outreach programs. November 14, 2010. DeMint Mint Market SC

Bush Think Tank Ready To Roll! Think Tank to debut as mobile unit until completion of building and service yard. Former President Bush is pleased the mobile think tank will tour West Texas because some real smart folks live where Bush started his political career. Groundbreaking for the permanent building to house the George W. Bush Library and Think Tank is tomorrow. November 15, 2010. SMU Tank Service Dept.

More Flags Less Fun! G-20 Leaders Not Happy Campers. Obama arrived in South Korea to meet the leaders of the world's largest economies at this year's G-20 summit. Much concern was aimed at Obama about attempts to lower the value of the dollar in order to increase demand for U.S. exports. It requires all the diplomatic footwork a Dancing Barry can finesse to negotiate trade agreements that produce American jobs. Most countries prefer to export to the U.S. but limit imports and they don't really want to change. November 12, 2010 . Cirques Du Seoul Arena G-20 Summit

Chris Christie Puts In A Big Run! Cross country barnstorming for Tea Party and Republican candidates puts wind to Christie's Presidential aspirations. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie was out on the track right up to election day in a series of sprint works for grateful candidates and now Christie is picking up notice in national GOP presidential polls for 2012. Christie quickly established a reputation for drastic budget cuts to New Jersey government services which have made him very popular in states other than New Jersey. Most voters want to see drastic budget cuts for everybody but themselves. New Jersey residents aren't happy about being the people suffering the cuts in services and think you-gotta-be-kidding-me when asked about Christie for President but Tea Party groups can't get enough of his heavy handed riding style. November 11, 2010. Monmouth Raceway GOP Inner Track

Bush Book Booed! Former German leader says Bush is lying. Reviews are universally harsh. "Fiction with a capital F", "Utterly false", "Out and out lies" and "Pure horseshit" were some reactions to Bush's attempt to rewrite history. Publishers assumed releasing the book one week after a Republican victory would be good for sales and airbrushing Bush's presidential legacy, however, critics are bashing Dubya's book as an unbelievable self-serving load. November 10, 2010. Discount History

Will Obama Remember Amnesians? Obama visits Indonesia today where, as a child, he was an American living in Indonesia. Indonesians call several generations of American-Indonesians living in Indonesia "the forgotten ones" or Amnesians. Many Amnesian children were fathered by American men on vacation and abandoned by their Indonesian mothers. Housekeepers working at luxury tourist hotels favored by Americans have found so many abandoned Amnesian newborns in laundry carts that they formed a charitable network to help care for the forgotten children. Amnesians live without official Indonesian citizenship similar to the indigenous tribespeople living in remote areas of Indonesia except that Amnesians live in mostly urban areas. Barack Obama lived with his American mother in Indonesia for four years. It is not known if Obama recalls or will meet with any of his Amnesian childhood playmates. November 9, 2010. Jakarta Amnesian Charitable Society

Obama's Inspirational Gandhi Moment! President Obama was visiting the Mumbai memorial of Mahatma Gandhi when a soft glowing light the size of a man in a robe appeared to be hovering above the ground near Obama. Obama clearly felt a presence and appeared to be having a conversation with someone. The President later said he was very moved by the experience and will honor Gandhi's spirit and words by seeking to do all that is possible to achieve the social justice that Gandhi sought in his lifetime. "I am mindful that I might not be standing before you today, as president of the United States, had it not been for Gandhi and the message he shared and inspired with America and the world," the president said. Obama also said he was considering shaving his head but wasn't giving up his tailored business suits for a bundle of bedsheets. The President and First Lady will conclude their visit to India and move on to Indonesia, Korea and Japan. November 8, 2010. Mumbai GandhiLand

Obama Feels The Love In India! President Obama goes to India to visit former U.S. jobs and sell fighter jets and Harley-Davidsons. Billions of dollars in trade agreements were signed for the purpose of selling more U.S. weapons to India's military and more consumer goods to India's rising middle class. The agreement is expected to create at least 53,000 new jobs in America. Demand for U.S. products is increasing because India consumers have more purchasing power than ever before and their economy is growing as fast as China's. If America is to remain strong and prosperous trade and business agreements are mandatory. Fortunately, President Obama is extremely popular in India with a 70% approval rating and even considered a hero to hundreds of millions of the populace. If the President needed an ego boost after a crushing mid-term election he came to exactly the right place. November 6, 2010. Mumbai India Motorcycle Rally

Bush Book Blank On Frank Feud! Which came first?... Barney, the ball-licking pet dog of President Bush or George, the jogging pet pig owned by Representative Barney Frank. The feud raged for years but was ignored due to mainstream media overexposure of the Bush era wars and natural disasters. One version of the history of the feud claims that President Bush would call his dog, Barney, a "shaggy little faggot" whenever Barney crapped on the White House carpet. So when Bush installed a jogging track on the White House grounds, openly gay Barney Frank brought a pig in a jogging suit named George. The fued continued until while Barney Frank was away his house partner hired an Asian maid. The pig disappeared a few days later. November 5, 2010. Jimmy Dean's History Of Pork

$250 Million To Be Mitt's Running Mate! Before Meg lost the California race for Governor and $140 million of her own money, Meg dreamed of a White House run with her mentor. Mitt is more than a hero to Meg and she'd do anything for the man she calls her mentor and main man. She practically swoons when he's in the room and he has a noticeable effect on her similar to Bieber fever. One psychobabble body language quack suggested Meg has a schoolgirl crush on Mitt and the $250 million dollar offer would be within the realm of possibility for a lovestruck billionaire. November 4, 2010. Arizona's Cialis Hills Hideaway Resort

Lil' Brown Bush Lauds Book Of Jeb! Florida Senate victory by Marco Rubio, disciple of Jeb Bush, may signal Americans ready for third reich of Bush family Presidents preceding establishment of New World Order. The destiny of Illuminati bloodlines to rule the world remains on it's predictably straight line fast track with a win by Marco Rubio, the protege of former Florida Governor Jeb Bush a.k.a. "the smart Bush" who endorsed Marco Rubio 19 months before yesterday's election victory. According to plan, after the world collapses into an Apocalyptic chaos from solar flares, earthquakes, volcanoes, tsunamis and more, the New World Order, as outlined in 1984 by Father George H. W. Bush, Jeb Bush will emerge from the ashes as a leading candidate for Chief World Administrator of the New World Order. November 3, 2010. Florida GOP Victory Rally

Eager To Fill Pelosi Shoes! Boehner will own Speaker's job with GOP takeover. John Boehner has been in Washington D.C. for a long time and knows the game well. Boehner will become the most powerful member of the House of Representatives. November 2, 2010. Washington D.C. Government Clothing Mall

Newt Gingrich May Counter Sarah Palin With His Own TV Show! Newt considering plan to host nature series about the only mammal that can kill and eat a grizzly bear. Grizzly bears are not often trapped on chunks of ice at sea but another species of man-eating bear, the polar bear, is often forced to swim miles at sea and is easy prey for Willy the Killer Whale. Newt is considering hosting a show with a more-than-a-grizzly mascot primarily because Newt is excited about using the phrase "More Than A Grizzly" as a 2012 primary campaign slogan. Newt's tendency for seasickness means his part in the show will be land-based but with 22 minutes to fill each week Newt feels he can inject enough political trash talk to further his cause. Newt is unconcerned about appearing too ecologically friendly because of the viciousness of killer whales. October 30, 2010. Atlanta City Aquarium Conference

Discovery Channel's Newest Reality Series Star! Sarah Palin will be hosting her own nature and reality series starring herself, her family and an extended-family group of Alaskan grizzly bears. Sarah is excited about the upcoming project that will add to the $12 million dollar fortune she has earned since quitting the Alaska Governor's job after only 18 months. Despite criticism from Republican pundit Karl Rove that frolicking in the Alaskan wilderness with grizzly bears is not the best way to run for President, Sarah can point to the fact that the Republican National Committee has already chosen her as their nominee. Sarah is also quick to point out you don't want to mess with grizzly mamas and some of those same grizzly mamas are comfortable with Sarah hanging out with them on her new basic cable television show. October 29, 2010. Hollywood NaturePose Photo Studio A

Tea Party Extremists Vow To Impose Sharron Law In Nevada! Right wing Sharron Angle throws her stones at Harry Reid. Outside secret donor groups have filled Angle's campaign coffers with over $20 million, five times the amount of native Nevadans. More than 80% of the negative television anti-Reid attack ads were paid for by those secret donor organizations. All that came in addition to megabucks from the national GOP treasure chest. Senator Reid is the number one priority of a vindictive national Republicans organization this year and Angle is a symbolic pawn useful to national power brokers because she stands against practically everything and for absolutely nothing. Her one and only message is that she is not Harry Reid. She recently refused to answer any more questions until after she is elected. October 28, 2010. Henderson Valley Rock Toss Rally

Meg Booed As $174 Million Yacht Sinks! Meg booed by 14,000 at a womens conference. Meg's early pandering to the far right wing in the primary race set the tone. Then she horse traded a pension reform exemption for union backing. But the big blow was reaction to Meg's treatment of her illegal immigrant housekeeper. Most Latinos polled said they wouldn't want to work for Meg and many Latino crew members who had been on board abandoned her yacht. October 27, 2010. GOP California Marina

Wolf Hunts Politician By Small Aircraft! Private security muscle announce Alaska GOP Senate candidate Joe Miller will be a no show for interview. Wolf Blitzer's CNN producers say they will track down the elusive candidate by small aircraft and shoot an interview with Joe Miller even if they have to chase the Palin-backed Tea Party favorite all across the vast Alaskan wilderness. Grizzly weather conditions and a snarling pack of beefy body guards will not deter Wolf Blitzer from shooting this interview. October 26, 2010. GOP Fortress Of Solitude Media Waiting Lounge

Fiscal Conservatives Sing Hail To The Chef For Chris Christie! He's butchered public services to the bone. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has done so much cutting, chopping and reducing serving sizes that he feels he is ready for the "Iron Chef" challenge of national politics. New Jersey's "Top Chef" Chris Christie declared a budget emergency and commandeered the New Jersey state kitchen to make some extreme cuts to a budget busting menu. Chicken dinners now only have one chicken leg and other state services have been slashed, chopped or cut out entirely. National Tea Party groups have gushed praise over the wholesale slashing of spending and become quite fond of Christie's dollar value menu of chopped payroll and sliced benefits for state kitchen employees along with a watery soup of gutted government programs for all New Jersey residents. October 25, 2010. Jersey Shore Diner and Butcher Shop

Bristol Not Only Palin To Dance! Sarah Palin can also dance and may appear with her daughter on "Dancing With The Stars". Daughter Bristol has been doing very well on the hit television show and producers expect ratings to soar when and if the group dance number airs. Sarah's partner has been kept secret and but she'll get all the professional dance help she needs just like her daughter who has blossomed into a grizzly good dancer. The Disney company owns the popular television series and the Palin family dance number is part of Sarah's meticulously planned Disneyfication in progress. It's all leading up to her expected run for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination. No amount of money is being spared in the effort by the richest of the superrich to groom Sarah Palin to be the family-friendly spokesperson for the most powerful corporations and conservative business groups on earth. October 23, 2010. Beverly Hills Dance Academy

Angle Tells Reid "Man Up, Harry!" Sharron Angle ignores her own unpopular positions on issues to repeatedly attack Senator Reid's manhood. She opposes almost everything Nevadans favor but that makes no difference to many voters who are angry and obsessed with the spitting contest that has gotten as unpleasant as the seedy side of Las Vegas. Starting out the underdog, Angle is running as ugly a campaign as Nevada has ever seen. On jobs and the economy she says "Man Up, Harry". On the deficit and financial reform she says "Man Up, Harry". On education, immigration, and healthcare she's unwavering in her rhetoric. "Man Up, Harry, Man Up Harry and Man Up Harry". When she gets off message, like when she called a Latino group Asians, she has less success so she intends to bust Harry Reid's balls all the way to election day. October 22, 2010. Man's World Spa and Tobacco Lodge Las Vegas

Miller Don't Want No More Questions! Private security muscle for the Palin-backed Alaska GOP Senate candidate detains reporter in handcuffs for asking question. Joe Miller has his way of doing things and if you don't like it you can say hello to his little friends who happen to be armed security contractors. Miller is almost completely unknown to most Alaskans but he has been angered and his "no questions" decree is because you are pissing him off and he's had it with your goddam questions and curiosity about who he is. Miller recently warned that personal questions of any kind would no longer be tolerated from anybody. His platform of ideas for Alaska and America is unique. He's against federal earmarks, the income tax, Social Security, Medicare, unemployment benefits and entitlement payments to anybody for anything. The Tea party backed candidate is even against being called a Tea Party candidate. October 21, 2010. Alaska GOP Fortress Of Solitude

Rand Paul Exasperated After Debate! The Senate contest in Kentucky between Rand Paul and Jack Conway is now rated R. Across the country Tea Party candidates are starting to wilt under the attack from Democrats and others. Ron Paul is just one candidate taking pot shots from all directions. The media has pinned the labels of goofy, wacky and nutty on other Tea Party candidates like Sharron Angle in Nevada, Christine O'Donnell in Delaware and Joe Miller In Alaska. The list of erratic behavior by Tea Party candidates is long and their political handlers are keeping their fingers crossed that their rookie candidates will somehow avoid a fatal gaffe that might cost them the election. Even if one or more of these candidates do win they will likely meet a stone wall of indifference on the part of establishment Republican Party leaders once they get to Washington D.C. October 20, 2010. Rand Paul Family Residence in Kentucky

Debate Turns Into Louisville Slugfest! Kentucky Senate race between Rand Paul and Jack Conway turns to ugly mama put down brawl. According to Democratic candidate Jack Conway, Rand Paul's mama is so ugly that Rand belonged to a secret college society that mocked Christianity, called the Bible a hoax and said the name of his God was "Aqua Buddah". According to outraged Republican candidate Paul, Conway's mama is so ugly that her son has no decency and is a shameless liar. "You know how we know when you're lying? Your lips are moving," a pissed off Paul said while coming unglued. Conway continued on about how Paul's mama is so ugly her son is an wacky extremist who is so way out there and gone he's playing centerfield from the parking lot. Paul refused to shake Conway's hand at the end of the debate. October 19, 2010. University of Louisville Mudd Wrestling Arena

Sarah In Wonderland Coming Soon! Palin will debut her new image makeover at Disneyland. Just as Disneyland Park got rid of it's animatronic bears years ago Sarah will drop the scary grizzly bear talk and morph into a Disney heroine and spunky mother who inspires her daughter to victory on "Dancing With The Stars". Even the first dude has been taking Kurt Russell lessons and eating whole grains to activate the wholesomeness of his Disney being. A veteran Hollywood casting agent says the Palin family is big screen material and Disney screenwriters are already busy churning out scripts for G-rated family entertainment. The makeover will occur gradually and is timed for the 2012 GOP primary races. By then any blemishes in the Palin family lifestyle will have been airbrushed into a hit television series with devoted fans to rival any make believe family in Disney television history. October 18, 2010. Wonderland Park Raceway Tea Garden

World's Most Popular Person! For the second straight year President Barack Obama outpaced Indian movie star Amitabh Bachchan for the title of world's most popular living person. Jackie Chan ran a strong third and Bill Clinton completed the superfecta. The top four were followed by Yao Ming, Bill Gates, Jet Li, Paul McCartney, Chuck Norris, Hillary Clinton, The Pope, George W. Bush, Osama Bin Laden and J.K. Rowling. Obama recieved nearly a billion more nods than the second place finisher. Despite eclipsing the leading Republican, Chuck Norris, by over 3 billion fist bumps, President Obama has not been asked for campaign help in many United States state and congressional horseraces. This year the voters are angry and "Voters Gone Wild" is no sexy DVD as most candidates are taking crap like duck farmers. President Obama has been appearing for Democratic candidates where his appearances might help but the requests for political ObamaCare have been far fewer than his standing as the world's most popular living person would normally dictate. October 16, 2010. worldwidenews.us

Delaware GOP Drinks Tea Party Brew! Delaware Republican primary voters may have been under the spell of bewitching Christine O'Donnell's magical charm. Establishment Republicans were upset with her primary victory because it makes it more difficult for Republicans to regain control of the Senate. Tea Party favorite O'Donnell was able to best a popular Republican Representative, Mike Castle, after not being given much of a chance to win the Senate nomination. She does have a magical sparkle and charm but she will need that and more because three weeks before election day she trails the favored Democratic candidate, Chris Coons, by 19 percentage points and will need a real magic trick to pull out a general election victory. Whether or not she's ever been a witch is of no concern to national Republican leaders but those same leaders have ordered more voodoo dolls than they usually do. October 15, 2010. Timonium Fireworks Warehouse and Halloween Supply

Jerry Brown First Into Stretch! The California Governor's Derby has been a gold mine for local television stations as Republican Meg Whitman has spent $120 million. Despite having never won a single maiden race on any level billionaire Meg Whitman has already bet over $120 million of her own money attempting to buy this race. The Brown campaign has bet $20 million but has another $20 million in hand for a late ad onslaught. Polls call the race neck and neck with Brown taking a slight lead of less than 5%. Whitman has been trailing steadily within striking distance. A series of three debates were blistering high speed and dramatic dealing with Whitman's illegal immigrant stable helper and a secret recording of a groom in the Brown barn calling Whitman a whore for buying off the track security guards by excluding them from pension reform. October 14, 2010. 2010 California Governors Derby in progress

Newt Says Hammer On Food Stamps! Gingrich drops discussion of genealogy and colonial era Africa. Taken to tool shed, Newt comes back with new tools. Gingrich was criticized for speaking about nutty historical nuances but he has honed his message and sanded off some rough spots with medium abrasive sandpaper. In addition to wanting hammer time on the federal food stamp program, Newt found other tools to utilize such as the keyhole saw. He wants to cut out portions of any regulatory laws or entitlements legislation that Newt finds burdensome, unconstitutional or in any way helps anybody who is undeserving of the benefits of a creeping socialist legislative agenda. Gingrich is especially fond of the big wrench to be used for tossing into any further plans for Obama sponsored legislation. Newt did not like, however, a 1970's metric tape measure, "It's in some kind of foreign language." October 13, 2010. Atlanta Home Depot Tool Warranty Registration Drive

GOP Logo Now On Tea Party! From Alaska to Delaware, 2010 has been the year Tea Party candidates led a thundering stampede onto the political landscape and deep rooted establishment candidates were ripped out like old trees in a hurricane. However, facing the need for huge amounts of money and the ever more professional campaign skills needed to win general elections, the renegade rogue bulls from the wild have now joined the domesticated herd of elephants. The GOP logo is now on the porcelin tea pot and the raging bull candidates have had their etiquette lessons for tip-toeing around the gift shop so as not to break the delicate knick-knack artifacts also known as the old boys who still own all Republican commerce in Washington DC. Democratic party coffee drinkers point out that even with the GOP logo the tea pot being sold is still "All spout and no handle." October 12, 2010. George's Washington Mall Souvenir Shop

Dr. Phil: Why McCain Picked Palin! Senator John Thune of South Dakota was everybody's favorite for the VP slot but McCain thought they looked like a damned circus act. Explaining that there was a significant height difference Dr. Phil said that image was a likely reason McCain choose a shorter running mate like Sarah Palin. Senator Thune had consistenly scored 100% with American Conservative and Christian Evangelical groups and was highly touted in many cases. Today, Senator Thune insists he's also a fiscal conservative having voted twice against the Wall Street bailout and economic stimulus legislation. Dr. Phil says "Now don't get me wrong." He doesn't necessarily think that Senator McCain looked like Billy Barty standing next to Paul Bunyan. "But, let's be fair here." Dr. Phil concluded inconclusively "People will decide for themselves." October 11, 2010. Dr.Phil's Studio in Hollywood California

DeMint-Santorum Unite For Humanity! Pair cite solemn vows to oppose Vampire Rights Amendment and DeMint promises to filibuster all night long if necessary. Senator Jim DeMint and Former Senator Rick Santorum have formed a union to oppose the controversial Vampire Rights Amendment that had been surreptitiously inserted into a House budget measure and somehow slipped through that body of the legislature. However, a staffer of former Senator Santorum found out and hooked up with a staffer of Senator DeMint who then brought up the matter to the Senator and arranged a meeting for DeMint with Santorum. Bonding was immediate as both men have been leaders in making retractable condemnations of what they consider abominations and neither man could stomach any government activity that did not include an expression of revulsion at the immorality of the vampire hordes. October 9, 2010. Myrtle Beach Community Center

What Makes Me Worry? Drunk drivers make Louisiana's Governor Bobby Jindal worry. "What makes me worry is we've got ourselves a mighty big problem down here in Louisiana with drunk drivers and especially the younger folks and folks of all ages who are getting killed by drunk drivers.", Jindal said. "The number one cause of teenagers dying down here is auto accidents and drunk drivers are causing auto accidents. It's just a sad crying shame when a youngster dies young and doesn't live long enough time to live a long life." Jindal continued, "I appreciate all you folks here with MADD and what you all are doing and what you all do every day and I want you all to know you all can count on the hospitable cooperation of the Louisiana Governor's office and anything we can do for you all we are going to do for you all." October 8, 2010. Baton Rouge Convention Center

Secret Document Released! Illuminati secret society sends RNC cryptic receipe for 2012 victory. Despite owning half of the world's news media and publishing, the centuries-old secret society known as the Illuminati still prefers an ancient printing process using arsenic and lambs blood for their dispatches. The GOP is expected to follow the receipe down to the last entrails, feather and gopher paw. October 7, 2010. RNC Special Insider Edition

Ron Paul Remembers What America's Values Used To Be! There was a time when freedom was an American tradition. Long before the bankers took over and allowed the military industrial complex to loot the wealth of the nation, there was an era of great personal dreams and ambition to accomplish great things and achieve never before done achievements. It is no coincidence that Ron Paul is the candidate most concerned about the loss of the great American traditions of individuality and self-reliance. He's the only candidate old enough to remember when Americans routinely held such high hopes and expectations of themselves. It was a time of visionaries and freedom came without a ten-page contractual obligation. Paul reportedly woke up from his afternoon nap feeling refreshed. October 6, 2010. Dr. Paul's Imaginarium of Southwest Texas

Songs For The Party! Mike Huckabee first GOP candidate to release his record on CD. Republicans are great line dancers so they'll be slappin' leather to Huckabee's guitar-driven politics as well as pondering deeply his spoken word compositions. Huckabee gets personal and bluesy in his almost apologetic lament about a 16 year-old whose life was spared only to become a cop killer years later. October 5, 2010. Little Rock Music Market

FLASHBACK: Still Tripping On LDS! Mitt Romney is a Mormon and may never be able to convince some right-wing conservative Christian Evangelicals to trust The Church of Latter Day Saints most prominent Presidential candidate ever. No matter what Mitt Romney has previously said, some right-wing conservative Christian Evangelicals believe members of the LDS church are not real Christians or aren't Christian enough. Mitt has tried to assure those folks since, politically, they are mostly conservative Republicans and Tea Partiers, but Mormon Mitt will likely continue to trip on the LDS issue for as long as he's a Mormon. His 2008 call for a democracy of religions today falls on the same deaf ears of folks who are also terrified to the point of madness by the presence of an Islamic community center. October 4, 2010. Salt Lake LDS Explanation Station

Darlings Still Making Big Splashes! Right-wing media darlings threaten many more big splashes and stinks over possible lack of attention due to politicians hogging the darlings' personal spotlights. With the political horserace season starting, the attention-demanding darlings of right-wing Republican media will be forced to deal with the humiliating way politicians pretend to be more important than political commentators during election season. Hurt feelings and bruised egos may be inevitable because these beloved right-wing media darlings have been understandably spoiled by the massive attention they receive from their ratings-hungry corporate enablers and multitudes of coddling fans. Making big splashes and big stinks is what the darlings do so expect more big splashes and more big stinks than ever before. October 2, 2010. Foxworth Day Center and Broadcast Academy

You Chose Palin! The Republican National Committee has decided for all Republicans that the party nominee will be Sarah Palin. The official GOP website currently promotes Sarah Palin as a superstar performer on a victory tour after winning something somewhere. Her upcoming two sold out appearances are in Anaheim CA and Orlando FL, the homes of Disneyland and Disney World. October 1, 2010. RNC Special Insider Edition

DEMOCRATS 55%  Barack Obama unopposed by Democrats

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA   WINNER

REPUBLICANS 44%   listed by order of finish  Mitt Romney  Rick Santorum  OUT endorsed Romney  Newt Gingrich  OUT endorsed Romney  Ron Paul  OUT no endorsement  Rick Perry  OUT endorsed Gingrich  Michele Bachmann  OUT endrsd Romney  Jon Huntsman  OUT endorsed Romney  Tim Pawlenty  OUT endorsed Romney  Buddy Roehmer  OUT endorsed Romney  Herman Cain  OUT endorsed Gingrich

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