|CHRIS CHRISTIE EXCLUSIVE! If everybody else had these stories they wouldn't be exclusive.|
|MAKE AMERICA 8 AGAIN His cousin was lucky. I saw the whole thing. Believe me I'm not gonna mess with that kid. Believe me. I put him in charge of the fourth grade. Okay? I put him in charge of the fourth grade. By the way I've received great credit for that. Just in case you missed it. Which is likely. I'm just saying. Hey. I'm just saying.|
|MAKE AMERICA EAT AGAIN Donald Trump resumes his award winning role as Top Bun. Without even waiting for an election Top Bun announces he has been elected Commander In Chef and orders his U.S. Secretary of Meats Chris Christie to take aggressive actions aimed at countering a decline in sales of Trump Premium Steaks.|
|THE BANANA SPLIT Chris Christie's twin sister, Misty Christie, makes her big screen debut in a big way in a serious film about a serious subject. After being stuck in traffic for five hours on a New Jersey toll bridge a Girl Scout leader eats more than her entire girl scout troop while trying desperately to cope with a massive anxiety attack.|
|BRONANZA In the best news this season a reincarnation of the classic series BRONANZA is in production. Ben Cartwright is played by 69 year-old Donald Trump as he manages the Ponderosa terrifically for which he gets lots of credit in the financial press as well as raising his three grown sons from three different women (all deceased).|
|THE KILLING FIELD The long awaited sequel to the 1989 hit movie FIELD OF DREAMS has finally arrived but there is no Kevin Costner or James Earl Jones and the story suffers from their absence. What was a heartfelt baseball story has turned into a brutal slasher/snuff film. Basically they walk into the cornfield and die. Rated R|
|SYRIANS IN SYRACUSE A flamboyant local luxury car dealer played well by Donald Trump and his general sales manager played by Chris Christie go berserk as part of an ill-conceived Republican political strategy after two Syrian refugee orphans arrive. "What the hell do we need them here for? They won't buy cars. They're worthless".|
|BALLS OF STEEL Chris Christie plays a tough talking private investigator investigating the murder of a serial sex addict billionaire. He goes by the name Chrissy and dresses as a trashy woman because "it intimidates the fuck outta fucking everybody. Nobody gotta clue if I'm gonna fuckin blow 'em or slit their fuckin throat." Rated R|
|CHRIS CHRISTIE'S SPAGHETTI BUCKET CHALLENGE New Jersey Governor Chris Christie will be running for President in the 2016 Presidential Derby and billionaires tell him he needs to pounce on anything that keeps his name in the news. So after flubbing the ebola issue at first and coming off like a bully Christie gave it some thought and decided to get out in front of the story and mine it for publicity gold. Christie's coming television special titled CHRIS CHRISTIE'S SPAGHETTI BUCKET CHALLENGE should do the trick. Jimmy Fallon and a nude Lady Gaga appear and take huge buckets of spaghetti dumped on their heads along with many other popular celebrities.|
|SO YOU REALLY THINK YOU CAN DANCE WITH ME? is a brand new tongue-in-cheek TV talk and dance show that has a plastic shark guests actually jump over to enter from stage left. Host Chris Christie's guest are warned that when the siren blares they must get up and dance with Christie in a contest that Christie has never lost and then they must leave the stage. After Christie says everything he wants to say each guest is allowed to speak until Christie signals the siren and the dance contest begins. In an unusual twist guests appear grouped by last name as a supremely confidant Christie has vowed to challenge his entire celebrity Rolodex to a dance off. The season debut features a busy letter S that includes rocker Gene Simmons exercise guru Richard Simmons and hip hop mogul Russell Simmons.|
|Wow! In TEATANIC 2 STARRING CHRIS CHRISTIE the action starts with Chris Christie played by Chris Christie celebrating an easy reelection victory for the New Jersey Governor's job. But after someone eats Christie's roast beef sandwich he gets cranky and petty and closes toll booths in the sandwich snatcher's hometown to demonstrate his displeasure and power. As residents fume and the issue slowly brews the key Christie underling involved resigns without comment and the national anti-Christie GOP Tea Party dispatches the Teatanic 2 from South Carolina with the intent of sabotaging Christie's presidential ambitions. In a sign of all out war Tetanic 2 is struck by laser guided torpedoes minutes after entering New Jersey waters and lies on it's side slowly sinking as Christie moves in for the kill. Don't miss this instant action classic.|
|POLITICAL ANIMALS - FARM CHANNEL FUTURES REPORT latest edition says hog futures skyrocketed on the news that an adorable New Jersey Governor Chris Christie had been re-elected. Analysts are aware that Independents and Democrats love bacon because bacon makes everything more delicious or at the least more palatable. Conservative pork producers were not all happy however because the feral Chris Christie forages free range and outside the perimeter of the conservative hog farm cartel which is controlled by the powerful right wing tea party farm lobby.|
|ANIMAL PLANET'S POLITIC ANIMALS follows New Jersey Governor Chris Christie on the campaign trail in his bid to be reelected. Christie who was once the tea party and conservatives favorite but isn't anymore has been forced to reach out to voters outside of the FOX news right wing anarchist tea party bubble since tea party tactics like the federal government shutdown are wildly unpopular in New Jersey.|
|The Jungle Channel will debut JERSEY JUNGLE a new version of an old fashioned friendly dragon movie with a twist. Instead of an English countryside the setting is a restricted green zone area known as Jersey Jungle. Chris Christie plays an affectionate but misunderstood centaurpotamus who lives alone near the highway 880 offramp. Cory Booker through a stroke of fate and an auto accident stumbles upon the hybrid human creature. At first he is terrified but a bond of friendship develops as they set out to find others of Christie's nearly extinct species republicanus moderatis.|
|With some friends you've got it all and nothing at all at the same time. A pat on the back and a wink at a snitch leads to one former pal being shoved in a ditch. In the new series BOARDWALK PAYBACK a dispute about a Kentucky Derby bet in an Atlantic City casino leads to brutal mayhem gratefully accompanied by occasional comic relief.|
|Christie Feels Like A Wizard! Says he learned it all from marks on paper. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie was on a massive sugar high using his new found powers to convert a normal New Jersey election into a muddled mishmash clustermuffin to be held on two different days three weeks apart. June 6, 2013. NJ Game Of News|
|Christie Fails To Appoint Conservative! New Jersey Senate seat opened after death of incumbent. The conservative's favorite Bridge Commissioner Tywin Lannister made a name for himself when he suggested hanging the corpses of fare cheats from New Jersey's toll bridges. June 5, 2013. NJ Game Of News|
|See Ya Later, Loser! Christie signals goodbye and abandons Team Romney. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has been campaigning with fellow Republicans in his home state but hasn't made any appearances with the Romney Ryan campaign since their convention in Tampa. Once Rush Limbaugh compared Mitt Romney to Elmer Fudd Republican candidates started going out of their way to be nowhere near the Romney campaign stage. Obama has opened up a significant lead in most national polls, a large winning margin in the electoral college count and a huge lead of 66 to 33 on Intrade.com where people back up their opinions with cash money. September 15, 2012. Friends Like These|
|Tea Party Waiting For Superhero!
Tea Party faithful see Chris Christie as Savior. What's in Tea? Where many folks see 300 lbs. of lard and a cutthroat backstabbing deal maker, many high-ranking and influential members of Tea Party aristocracy see New Jersey Republican Governor Chris Christie as both the best candidate devoted to their purist yet fuzzy agenda and the best candidate to defeat the great enemy of Tea Party catechism "The Obama". On high mount yonder doth the elite conservative A-list await. Other GOP candidates have so far failed to lift the hammer from the sacred Tea Party anvil that billionaire button-pushing backers of all things Tea Party devised as a test to ensure that they alone make the final selection.
September 30, 2011. Tea Party Training Gym.
UPDATE!CHRISTIE SAYS HE WILL NOT RUN FOR FINAL TIME, AGAIN. October 4, 2011
| Chris Christie Refuses To Run!
Tea Party favorite says he's not ready to run in 2012 Presidential Derby. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie had been picking up noticeable support in national GOP 2012 Presidential polls. Governor Christie established a reputation for drastic budget cuts to New Jersey government services which have made him very popular in many states other than New Jersey. However, Christie who is quick with numbers, was quick to realize, as a standard bred maiden race winner he hasn't a fraction of the bankroll needed to compete against the multibillionaire Rupert Murdoch barn and his unprecedented five horse stable. Other Republican Governors have been quick to imitate Christie's style of imposing drastic state budget cuts with no mercy. Tea Party inspired cuts have become the nationwide norm in Republican state politics since the November election brought in a new crop of Governors and state legislators.
February 18, 2011. Monmouth Raceway
| Chris Christie Puts In A Big Run!
Cross country barnstorming for Tea Party and Republican candidates puts wind to Christie's Presidential aspirations. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie was out on the track right up to election day in a series of sprint works for grateful candidates and now Christie is picking up notice in national GOP Presidential polls for 2012. Governor Christie quickly established a reputation for drastic budget cuts to New Jersey government services which have made him very popular in many states other than New Jersey. Most voters want to see drastic budget cuts for everybody but themselves. New Jersey residents aren't happy about being the people suffering the cuts in services and think you-gotta-be-kiddin-me when asked about Christie for President but out-of-state Tea Party groups just love the cutting and slashing and they love Chris Christie too, at least for the time being.
November 11, 2010. Monmouth Raceway Inner GOP Track
| Fiscal Conservatives Sing Hail To The Chef For Chris Christie! |
Liberals say New Jersey public services butchered to the bone. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has done so much cutting, chopping and reducing serving sizes that he feels he is ready for the "Iron Chef" challenge of national politics. New Jersey's "Top Chef" Chris Christie declared a budget emergency and commandeered the New Jersey state kitchen to make some extreme cuts to a budget busting menu. Chicken dinners now only have one chicken leg and other state services have been slashed, chopped or cut out entirely. National Tea Party groups have gushed praise over the wholesale slashing of spending and become quite fond of Christie's dollar value menu of chopped payroll and sliced benefits for state kitchen employees along with a watery soup of gutted government programs for all New Jersey residents.
October 25, 2010. Jersey Shore Diner and Backdoor Butcher Shop
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