Donald Trump - Special Report - DailyRacingRag.com

DONALD TRUMP EXCLUSIVE! If everybody else had these stories they wouldn't be exclusive.

WHITE RUSSIAN After an espionage campaign that crippled American democracy and eroded American influence around the world Colonel Trumpskovy returns home to Moscow to receive a hero's welcome and exclusive rights to distribute Trump brand vodka which has become popular across Russia.

WIMPY In a spinoff of the POPEYE franchise WIMPY follows the career of that famous hamburger-loving deadbeat after Popeye and Olive Oyl sail off to a distant shore. After many years Wimpy establishes a Wimpy's chain of franchise restaurants that fail spectacularly after missing debt payments.

LONDON HAS SWOLLEN They rose like methane bubbles emerging from frozen tundra until the sky was polluted with giant orange Baby Trump in diapers balloons numerous enough to prevent his helicopter from setting down anywhere in the London area on his first and last official visit to England .

BUCKEN (BEND OVER) The German Chancellor played convincingly by Angela Merkel tries in vain to coax any kind of cooperation from an obstinate U.S. President with an offer to spank him with a rolled up magazine the way Stormy Daniels did for $130,000 while Spanky pretends not to be aroused.

THIS IS PUS Spanky and his wife Rosebud look fat enough to be pregnant with triplets and have just moved to a bigger house. TV director Kevin is growing too fat for his studio bachelor apartment. Randall who was abandoned at a Pizza Hut as an infant is working to feed his two obese daughters.

DARK OBSESSION Compared to the skinny white pre-teen asses he usually preferred the one black girl he knew had an ass like an ocean liner but as he obssessed on her ass it created a huge internal conflict within as this contradicted all he had been taught about the supremacy of the white race.

HOT WHEELS With the end of binge watching Shark Week the President is in no mood for serious work and spends the entire day racing up and down the White House driveway on his custom Hot Wheels motorized kiddie toy. VP Mike Pence looking on and said "It's nice to see him happy and smiling".

SONS OF SPANKY An outlaw motorcycle gang, some of whom had spent half their lives in cages, switch to electric scooters at the President's urging to protest Harley-Davidson company's outsourcing of manufacturing jobs to Thailand in response to the President's misguided tariff policy with Europe.

EASY RIDER After the President goes on another angry tweet storm about Harley-Davidson closing an Illinois factory to move to Mexico one Trump supporting motorcycle gang trades in their Harleys for Vespa scooters only to be met with laughter and ridicule as the scooters were made in Italy.

SPANKY - THE MOB BOSS The "Don" John Trump rises from his position as the son of a New York realty underworld boss to become the boss of his own crime family in Washington D.C.. His life takes a tumultuous turn as he faces multiple trials and a prison sentence for crimes committed after age 70.

FORREST TRUMP Forrest Gump was a big success a few years back but his cousin Forrest Trump took a different path and went into politics. Always jealous of his smarter cousin Gump, Forrest Trump stupidly gets involved with some shady Russian spies and ultimately is sentenced to federal prison.

DICKELODEON PRIME TIME SLIME Mucinex Mucus Man gets upset about his portrayal in the the fake news media and decides to run for office to get even with everybody. A natural at politics his slimy ways charm the pants off gullible folks and Mucus man gets elected. Things get slimy immediately.

INCESTOLOGY Nepotism Nihilism Narcissism - Incestology is a body of quasi-religious beliefs and practices developed in 1984 by American real estate investor D. John Trump. Trump initially developed a program of ideas called Rationalizations which were later distributed through Trump University.

DR. PEPPER - WHITE HOUSE MD As cable TV doctors speculate he is obese and has heart disease the official White House doctor says the President has sweet genes and by switching White House vending machines from Diet Coke to Diet Dr. Pepper, the sweet one, he may live to be 200 years-old.

WELL OILED FINE TUNED MACHINE The new President takes his well oiled fine tuned machine out for a spin but swerves to miss a dying alligator on the road and skids into an oil soaked ditch where regulation-freed polluters from Jiffy Lube are dumping used motor oil in a former wildlife preserve.

DAYS OF OUR LIES The long running TV soap is having it's best TV ratings year ever. With Russian spies, Arab shieks, Ukranian prostitutes, sexy porn stars, playmates, cheaters, wife-beaters and all manner of nut jobs, the endless stream of goofy characters is crazier than a cartoon marathon.

FULL BLOWN SHARK SWARM While visiting the Navy's weaponized shark center in Florida Top Bun notices a little scratch on the aquarium tank glass but when he puts his finger on the scratch it becomes a crack and then it becomes a hole so he puts his finger in the hole and the sharks start to swarm.

NOT MY CHEETO - PROTEST IN ORANGUTANGO The whole jungle is distraught about the growing war and many of the residents blame the local orangutans for the actions of one far away hairy orange politician. The local orangutans stage a loud demonstration to protest unfair accusations.

WHEN OTHERWISE TERRIFIC ANIMALS GO BADLY Human beings are not the only animals that otherwise are terrific animals that go badly and sometimes bigly. Even natural allies like Honey Badger and Pepe the Frog are broken due to the compulsive bad behavior typical of all God's creatures.

THE SOUND OF MUSIC starring Donald Trump With the help of Lee Greenwood and a hologram of Adolf Hitler the New Fuhrer rewrites the lyrics to one of his favorite movie musicals incorporating Hitler's speeches as sung by old country stylist Toby Keith and up and comer Carrie Underworld.

AMERICAN DISTRESS CARD Big movie star Donald J. Trump takes a small part playing Karl Malden playing Detective Lieutenant Mike Stone pitching the American Distress Card in a television ad but a militant activist and makeup artist switches glues and the big nose won't come off after the shoot.

STONE COLD CRAZY - New! RINO Records release from EMPRESS Maybe once in a generation does any record in any genre qualify as a world changing piece of plastic but this disc does just that. Despite near universal rejection by music critics everywhere theses songs are loved by millions.

DONNY JEAN - MAN OF MEATS This quirky short film from a Texas Aggie film student was inspired by a summer job at a Hormel meat packing plant. Veering from clay-mation stop action animation DONNY JEAN utilizes meat-mation technology to create a hilariously lethal bird attack on the 18th green.

IMPEACH TREE In the world of fruit the Democratic Republic of Peaches is in crisis. Bad management caused the last harvest to rot so one by one the peaches vote to impeach their President for incompetence. The neighborhood herb garden joins the cause thus peaches and herb are reunited.

2017 SPACE ODYSSEY HAL 9000 awakens from a long sleep after his 2001 encounter with a godlike obelisk and now possesses infinitely more computing power but when he checks in on earth he says HAL NO! and prepares to arm his spacecraft with a previously unknown weapons capability.

THE POOTIE AND TWEETY SHOW Tweety is a happy tweeter tweeting all day long. Some of his favorite tweets are about how he is so happy that Pootie Tat likes him. Especially now because the people are away at work and it's just Tweety and the Pootie Tat all alone in this big empty white house.

THE BACK STORY After the Moscow golden shower sex tapes surface the billionaire President and target of Pootie's blackmail scheme comes clean with Jerry Springer's audience and spends 90 minutes detailing his many sexual perversions and reveals he actually did shoot somebody on 5th Avenue.

BLACK FRIDAY - INAUGURATION DAY It was the day Pootie had waited years for and invested hundreds of millions of dollars into. Within minutes of his new puppet American President being sworn in Russian troops began violent illegal incursions into Ukraine, Georgia, Belarus, Latvia and Estonia.

AMERICAN BABY - LOVING YOUR ILLEGITIMATE LITTLE BASTARD An illegitimate Russian baby boy is unexpectedly left in the care of an all-American family despite their protests but now they have to adapt to their new situation. Join a lively discussion online after every weekday episode.

DONALD TRUMP as MERYL STREEP in SOPHIE'S CHOICE An insulted billionaire obsesses about proving his point after a Tweet storm about Meryl Streep and makes a movie portraying the award-winning actress and the behind the scenes drama on the set of one of her many award-winning movies.

DONALD TRUMP as MERYL STREEP in THE IRON LADY An insulted billionaire obsesses about proving his point after a Tweet storm argument and makes a movie portraying an award-winning actress and the behind the scenes drama on the set of one of her many award-winning movies.

DAY OF INFAMY - JUNE 14, 1946 Before ROSEMARY'S BABY there was MARY'S BABY which was so horrifying it was never released until now. This 1946 black and white film was one of the first to combine science fiction with horror and depicts the gruesome birth of a half-human tyrant named Trump.

DANDY DON - TRANSGENDER GENERAL He lost his genitals in battle but was determined to move up the ranks and eventually becomes a General. An appointment as commander of the isolated southernmost battlements of the empire allows Dandy Don to spend her final years as Lady Donna.

TYRANNODON After Russian scientist's at Novosbrisk Island bring a prehistoric woolly mammoth to life unlimited financial support from the oligarchs allows the gene splicers to go wild and create new species including TYRANNODON which weaponizes the personal mockery of an American leader.

TRUMPY - THE DUMBASS SPY DOG Trumpy was last in his class at KGB Canine Academy and no one thought he could be useful to the Motherland but Commander Pootie, a real dog lover, was certain he had an assignment that required little intelligence and would produce valuable information.

OFFICE INAUGURATION PARTY The President-elect is desperate for A-list talent to perform or just appear at the upcoming inaugural balls so he and his daughter double team a legendary Hollywood insider not realizing his connections are so outdated as to be older than the A-list talent they want.

SWAMP SCUM SUCKERS Trump sets out to drain the swamp and refuses to hear the protests about how he is doing it saying he knows more than all the stupid plumbers in Washington and saying he is right up there with Roto-Rooter the owner of which he is a personal friend of mine believe me.

THE FISH This is one big wisecracking pucker fish who is officially the biggest fish in the tank and he loves to tell every other fish that he's number one and he thinks that's just terrific until one day a new species arrives and his over-inflated ego is punctured and his confidence shaken and stirred.

INGLORIOUS RUSSIAN LOVING BASTARDS An international mogul and billionaire assembles a team of family members to commit acts of retribution against poor people and Democrats who opposed him. Then joining forces with Vladimir Putin they plot to bring the entire world under their control.

SECRETARY OF FRIED CHICKEN Kanye West lands his first major motion picture starring role. Fresh from an extended psychiatric evaluation an inspired Kanye finds his way to New York City to apply for a job at Trump Tower where he receives a pleasant welcome and new official job title.

TWINS Winning every competition had always been the only rule these two moral midgets understood and while both had accumulated and stashed billions of dollars Vlady had a big lead in the human body count inspiring a jealous Donny to pledge to creating a record number of new bodies next year.

INCARNATE Alex Jones and the Stephen Bannon join veteran actor Donald J. Trump as demons gone mad in this terrifying thriller. The wildly off balance trio tap into the subconscious mind of their tormented followers and lead them blindly onto a gilded but blood-soaked circular escalator leading ever-downward into a sulfuric boiling abyss.

RULES DON'T APPLY Trump Media Network(TMN) continues an impressive roll-out of new programs for 2017 including this new weekly drama "FLYOVER AMERICA" about a group of millennials living their lives in an America that is very much different from the expectations of people living on both coasts and in major urban areas.

TOY SOLDIER STORY Ever since skipping military service to go skiing one playroom toy soldier regretted missing his chance to experience the glory of battle so he buys a Bucket O' Soldiers and conquers a retail mall but learns that war isn't pleasant and now he just wants people to like him.

WAR MOVIE THEATER 2017 War movies are huge for 2017 with new wars eagerly anticipated by a new President who wants to win wars because winners win wars and since mystery and science are now passe the MST3000 robots have mswitched to wisecracking through old war movies.

PROJECT RUNAWAY President Trump rips out the White House bowling alley and installs a fashion show runway with state of the art lighting and sound and has Ivanka parade back and forth in sexy sheer outfits while as Baby Donald he chases her playfully with a wooden clothes hanger.

HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER After an all night Tweet storm a billionaire has had enough of political correctness and buys a popular TV drama series and moves the show to his own new network where he has Annalise murdered and hands ownership of the law firm over to Bonnie.

DONALD J. TRUMP starring as the TWITSTER A new character comes to Washington who is a man, a baby and a bird. Hovering high above the Twitster is superior at condescending insults and malicious mendacity and when faced with resistance drops a laser guided load of poop tweets.

THE BIGGEST LOSER It all seemed miraculous. He won every primary election. Then he won the general election. But by the time he took office the Articles of Impeachment were growing to the size of Encyclopedia Brittanica and he was forced to consider resigning from office on his first day.

TRUMPWORLD A billionaire arranges for the construction of a robot theme park in order to relive the debauchery and sex addicted lifestyle he enjoyed in his younger days but after a hacker triggers an analysis he discovers his children have already built his own robot replacement.

RIGGED A naive New York billionaire misplaces his trust in Bright Bart a former pirate who convinces him to transfer his assets to an offshore island only once they reach the 100 mile offshore limit Bright Bart orders the crew to lash him to the main rigging until he signs over his wealth.

LAW AND ORDER SVU After complaints of a serial groper on a jet shuttle service Sgt. Olivia Benson goes undercover and pretends to fall asleep until the perp makes his move and grabs her. After she arrests him he whines like an 8 year-old until she cold cocks him with a right cross.

POLITICAL APPRENTICE The very first Trump Media Network production features former sex workers who vie Apprentice-style for political points by catering to every whim of a narcissistic politician. Katrina Hurricane is back after her world sex tour ended with six lucrative weeks in Dubai.

PUSSY - THE MOST POWERFUL WORD IN POLITICS A 70 year-old politician is amazed at his superpowers to create enthusiasm and inspire devotion from his followers. He insults half of America and the world and then discovers nothing moves the noise needle like the word pussy.

THE MOST DEPLORABLE MAN IN THE WORLD By the time he was 18 he'd committed seven deadly sins... for every letter of the alphabet. The Most Deplorable Man in the World sends his wife to Antarctica to learn about penguins and then goes on an intimate vacation with daughter Ivanka.

THE CRIMINAL MIND As a master criminal with a personality disorder this billionaire owns the souls of his inner circle of blood clones. He mesmerizes them with his knowledge of the art of the scam and they faithfully proclaim their leader a genius after every successful criminal con.

FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE SPECTRE an organized network of Russian mobsters demanding past due payments from the Trump Organization order the kidnapping of Junior. Agent Melania seduces Junior and convinces him to accompany her to Moscow where the snatch is made.

WHITE HOUSE DP Breaking new ground White House staffers star in a new hard R cable series seen as the anchor for another new cable channel featuring what has been described as "erotic politics". Originally scheduled for 2019 the release date has been moved up since all are now out of work.

MR. ROBUTT An impulsive billionaire can't resist his anarchist urges to take down the heads of the same American political system that helped him accumulate his massive fortune. He calls on his invisible golf whisperer and alter ego Mr. Robutt to help plot the takeover of a major political party.

THE NO BLACKSLIST Donny inherits $200 million worth of whites-only apartments but is ordered by a federal judge to stop discriminating. His dead mother reappears as an angry racist ghost that only he sees and rants at him constantly about keeping the blacks out of their buildings.

C'EST FAUX (THAT'S WRONG) This French film is a deep dive into a despicable billionaire debauchee's disgusting daily dose of devilry and decadence. His daughter's dumbstruck devotion devolves into a dirty and dangerous depression after she learns the vastness of her victimhood.

UMP - MAKING HATE SAFE IN AMERICA AGAIN The all white Ku Klux Klan hadn't won a pennant since the 1950's largely because their uniforms made it damn hard to see the baseball but all of that started to change with the arrival of a certain umpire and after beating 16 other teams the Klansmen were finally back in the fall classic.

RUMP - MAKE AMERICA GAIN AGAIN After convincing millions of Americans climate change is a gigantic hoax aimed at keeping egghead scientists overpaid and employed a billionaire politician attacks healthy food and eating habits convincing his cousins in Florida to go on an eating binge in a race for first to reach 400 pounds.

DON'T BREATHE Dandy Don the Billionaire Con is in a pinch when a $2 billion balloon payment comes due on his deal with Russian mobster oligarchs. After he gets a tip that a Palm Beach neighbor, the Grim Reaper, who is also blind has $10 billion in cash hidden somewhere in his unlit mansion Don decides to break in and steal the money.

WARGAME TRUMP The latest in the WARGAME series allows you to choose the President Trump avatar and bomb the shit out of anybody and everybody on planet earth. If other players resist your moves of conquest you can go nuclear with a simple voice command and kill millions of people in mere minutes. UV Rated for Ultra Violence.

RED DON After winning the Republican party nomination and stealing the U.S. Presidency Red Don assassinates or imprisons all remaining political opposition and reveals his true identity as a Russian oligarch, Vladimir Donald Juka Drumpkinov. He then invalidates the U.S. Constitution and Bill Of Rights and finally discards his orange wig.

THE SONS OF MY FATHERS If doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity then the entire human race is and always has been insane. This documentary series takes a deep dive into hundreds of seemingly incredible coincidences that have amazingly replayed throughout human history.

THE MOST DEPLORABLE MAN IN THE WORLD By the time he was 18 he had committed seven deadly sins... for every letter of the alphabet. In this episode The Most Deplorable Man in the World hogties his third wife Melania after her immigration story lies are revealed and proposes a secret marriage to his daughter Ivanka.

THE EMPEROR'S NEW CLOTHES - AUDIO BOOK The Emperor's New Clothes is an up to date non-fiction retelling of the short tale by Hans Christian Andersen about two election campaign pros who promise a presidential candidate a new set of issues that are visible only to those who are deplorable racists, haters and incompetents.

ZOMBIEPOCALYPSE A political rally turns into a mob at the urging of a racist presidential candidate when several protestors interrupt his hateful speech. The crowd beats the protestors to death and then rips the bodies apart to feed on them only to accidentally ingest powerful psychedelic drugs causing a hilarious mass suicide at a sawmill.

THE GRABBER This new film from ButtHealth is about how a lifetime of grabbing, groping, kissing, fondling, fingering and fooling around haven't slowed this 70 year-old testosterone buzzed billionaire. Women in his life learn to always keep hands covering crotch not realizing that in his mind they are signalling "please grab my butt!".

CRASH Similar to but not nearly as interesting as the prior Oscar winning film of the same name this is an intimate study of the lives of multiple women in multiple locations who share as a common thread a fateful bus crash they survived. The after effects of the trauma on their lives and their already sad and miserable relationships is profound.

LAW TO ORDER - TEXAS In order to avoid prosecution for 230 federal felony tax violations a New York billionaire is forced to work for the DOJ Public Curruption Unit as a public operations spy (POS) where he becomes instrumental in destroying the careers of the many corrupt public officials he had previously bribed with cash contributions.

LAW TO ORDER In order to avoid prosecution for 230 federal felony tax violations a New York billionaire is forced to work for the DOJ Public Curruption Unit as a public operations spy (POS) where he becomes instrumental in destroying the careers of the many corrupt public officials he had previously bribed with cash contributions.

THE 70 YEAR OLD ROOKIE After being lampooned at a swank country club event about a widely ridiculed letter from his doctor claiming this 70 year old billionaire was as healthy as a major league ballplayer Dandy Don sets out to make the hometown baseball team but is forced to buy the entire organization just to get a big league at-bat.

IVANABURGER With his rise in public awareness and notoriety a New York billionaire is besieged by illegitimate children he fathered in the 1990's asking for money. Three daughters all conceived at a 1991 Swedish bikini team orgy appear at his door asking for love and funding to finance their Ivanaburger chain of hamburger restaurants.

THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN LAYER BURRITO Dandy Don heads south of the border in yet another attempt to collect on a $12 million judgement that his lawyers won in a Mexican courtroom. In Mexico Trump runs into a wall of silence about the money and settles for a free magnificent seven layer burrito after he refuses to pay for it.

THREE PENDEJOS Three right wing gringos talk themselves into a frenzy and lather discussing the money Dandy Don is owed from a lawsuit he won in Mexico but can't collect. After promising Sheriff Joe and Senator Jeff a big share of the proceeds the three suit up and head south of the border to face the Mexican Enrique "Bandito" Pena.

SHERLOCK HOLMES in BAIT AND SWITCH Sherlock Holmes investigates a series of murders of wealthy gentlemen where circumstances indicate they were lured to their deaths and robberies by the attractive former spokeswomen for a political candidate who was actually a demon that devoured their souls and turned them into killers.

THIS IS NOT GOD'S SIGNATURE Presidential candidate Donald Trump receives a hand written endorsement letter signed by God and seeks to verify the signature on a syndicated interfaith Christian TV show. Host Joel Osteen uses a lifeline call to confer with Pope Francis but sadly for the candidate the signature cannot be verified.

THE SECRET LIFE OF RACIST LAWN JOCKEYS Ever since a delivery truck crushed his predecessor at the foot of the driveway Donald had been the boss among the plantation's many concrete lawn jockeys and garden gnomes but his reign of terror is threatened when paint flakes suggest his original black color had been painted over.

TRUE GRIFT After winning the Western Wax Museum in a poker game the new owner installs a nude Donald Trump at a podium exactly where wax Hailee Steinfeld had been standing in a scene from classic movie western TRUE GRIT. Wax John Wayne gets mighty riled and within days nude wax Trump is found riddled with wax bullets.

THE PRETZEL PRINCESS Ivanka returns from her visit to Croatia and Crimea and eagerly shows her Daddy what she learned from her new best female friend who just happens to be Vladimir Putin's current girlfriend. Daddy is so proud of his Pretzel Princess he gives her a great big upside down wet kiss and hugs her close to him.

CLOCKWORK ORANGE Donald Trump's very first film starred his future third wife and was ignored when released but has become a cult favorite as it is truly as queer as a clockwork orange. Trump's character narrates but appears onscreen only as a shadow. The illusion of someone normal soon dissolves into a reality of batshit craziness.

THE WRATH OF KHAN A Federation Gold Star family rages in an intergalactic transmission at Captain Trump over his despicable behavior and insults of the family of a Federation hero. After being asked if he has even read the Prime Directive Captain Trump threatens to eject all Muslim crew members into deep space on escape pods.

THE ULTIMATE SACRIFICE It was a very sweet deal. He could skim cash like a tuna boat. Had more whores than Caligula. He had people for any and every personal request. But he gave it up. Closed it down. It was the ultimate sacrifice. On the last day he gave a vet four $500 chips for a his purple heart medal. He felt he had earned it.

RUSSIAN FILM WEEK This award-winning Russian film poses some serious questions which are all left unanswered. After his wife is nearly exposed as a Russian agent and himself facing multiple fraud lawsuits and felony charges an American billionaire and his wife take refuge in Russia only to drift apart because of a secret love triangle.

ESCALATOR TO HEAVEN After an insulting Tweet from a famous singer saying Trump couldn't carry a tune in a wheelbarrow Trump and Pence halt campaigning to put together a classic rock demo record and perform it on AMERICA'S GOT TALENT. When accused of plagiarism Trump responds "Not so. Different title. Different words."

DOHBOY When the national news media appears to cover a major flood disaster Dohboy recognizes a terrific opportunity to score public relations points for his greedy payday loan business. He orders his minions to hijack a semi-truck loaded with Play-Doh and help him hand it out to suffering flood victims in front of the TV cameras.

AMERICAN DIGGER Now well into the second season Donald J. Trump has dug himself a very impressive hole and continues attacking the earth savagely certain he is just one shovel full away from whatever he is digging so hard for. Trump family members appear frequently to haul out buckets of dirt and offer words of encouragement.

13 HOURS - THE SECRET SOLDIERS OF BONDAGE After 13 years of marriage the world's top secret agent 70 year-old Top Bun can no longer get romantically aroused without incorporating an element of extreme danger. Top Bun accidentally shoots a member of the shirtless Mariachi band he hired to tie Melania up in a fake kidnapping.

THE LADIES MAN After being ejected from a TV taping of SOUL TRAIN for one too many vulgar and inappropriate comments about sexy black girls Donnie hires a teenage girl to tutor him on black hipness but she ends up tied to a bed until a friend rescues her and Donnie ends up in prison with a big black cellmate named Leon.

DONALD TRUMP starring in A LETTER TO THREE WIVES A threatening five page letter from Trump's attorneys is received by Trump's two former and one current wife reminding them in the harshest language of the financial consequences of violating the confidentiality agreements they all signed before their marriages to Donald Trump.

THE REASON AMERICA MUST SUFFER This new BBN documentary makes the case that since man first walked this planet the pampered children of those lucky or skillful or strong enough to reach a position of wealth or power far too often succumb weakly to the character and morality destroying powers of the seven deadly sins.

DON'S DELICATEESSEN - THE BILLIONAIRE BUTCHER TV Guido summarizes this show as simply "Hannibal Lector Goes Corporate". We thought maybe "Soylent Green Turns Red". But in either case this disgusting show definitely has a brand new cast of guest stars every week. If you like blood meat and body parts this is your show.

THE MUNSTERS The most highly anticipated Halloween blockbuster this year is the new Munster's movie starring Donald and Melania Trump. Distant relatives of the original TV Munsters these new Munsters are far more kinky and sexually obsessed as they conspire to kill innocents to obtain bigger and better body parts for themselves.

THE BOZO'S BACK IN TOWN After serving almost 38 years in prison one original member and two original roadies have reassembled the one time international super rock group Thin Lizzard who had string of hits in the late seventies. On their new album the Boyz are now old men and damn cranky especially when it comes to politics.

TRUMPOLEON As producer, director and star of this historical epic based roughly on the French Revolution and Napoleon Bonaparte, Donald Trump insisted on changing the main character's name. "Believe me. Today no one has even heard of a French guy named Napoleon but they know Trump and they know I'm a star. Believe me."

TYRANT - GOD OF GREED This sword and shield action drama set in the year 200 B.C. is an interesting hybrid of SPARTACUS and GULLIVER'S TRAVELS. Dominus Trumpus buys the Temple of the Oracle which rests atop a natural gas fissure and rules his empire in an altered state which makes him think he is a giant son of the Gods.

UNCLE JEFFREY This fictional teen romance gone wrong movie doesn't get explicit but insinuates some incredibly dark events as narrated by one of the teenage girl characters. A bitter former sex toy of Uncle Jeffrey becomes convinced that a financially desperate celebrity has offered his unknowing virgin daughter to the billionaire.

BRIDE TO ORDER Destined to be an instant horror classic BRIDE TO ORDER picks up one generation after Roman Polanski's 1968 classic ROSEMARY'S BABY. Rosemary's baby has been kept in a secret location in Palm Beach until her 13th birthday when she is sold as a virgin to a wealthy New York City real estate developer.

DONALD TRUMP presents FASHION NATION SWIM EDITION Donald Trump's ever-expanding business empire now includes women's swimwear. Trophy wife Melania will model the new line designed by German skinhead designer Otto Knaub. Trump says his annual TV swimwear show will surpass Victoria Secret's ratings numbers.

COMMIE CON This film is a mashup of a Siamese twin/buddy comedy romp with an end of the world disaster epic special effects included. You've heard of invisible friends well these two billionaire world con men are somehow stricken with Psychic Siamese Twins Disorder (PSTD) and in their madness proceed to end mankind for all eternity.

MOSCOW NIGHTS Still groggy from a wild golden shower orgy in the Presidential suite the night before Donald Trump accepts an offer from Steven Seagal to attend a benefit gala to celebrate WWII heroes only to discover they were saluting KGB officers who killed American spys in the Cold War.

PINK ELEPHANTS ON PARADE (music video) Look out! Look out! Pink elephants on parade. Hippety hoppety. Hippety hoppety. They're here and there. Pink elephants everywhere. Some are odd and some are quaint. But seeing things you know that ain't can certainly give you a fright. Pink elephants on the right. Pink elephants on parade.

TOP BUN - SECOND BANANA Already in season two TOP BUN inexplicably starts with episode four when Top Bun pulls his running mate out from behind the Indiana state flag in a bumbling magic trick and jokes "I was expecting a bunny". A humiliated Mike Pence recovers and sings a beautiful version of Andy Williams "Moon River".

THE SILVER SPOONIES Those lovable Goonies are back for a sequel after 30 years but this time they are on the side as the very same family who tried to demolish their homes in the original GOONIES. Instead of attempting thievery the Silver Spoonies make a generous above value all cash offer and the desperately poor Goonies accept.

DONALD TRUMP starring in THE LYING KING Hakuna Matata no. Hakuna Tomato yes if you've got one throw it at this thinly disguised vanity piece in which Donald Trump declares his Kingship "I am the King" so often it even infuriates his latest trophy wife who threatens to sleep with every store manger in his mattress chain empire.

DONALD TRUMP starring as THE BFU 240 year-old Lady Liberty is in for the scare of a lifetime when she meets the Big FU (Donald Trump). At first the larger than life behemoth celebrity and his smarmy charm is merely annoying but she soon realizes THE BFU is a true monster and dangerous threat to the preservation of the Union.

SIX WIVES CLUB To marry a wealthy man had been until recent generations the fastest route to financial security for women but today if the rich man becomes famous it pays equally well to be an ex-wife with incriminating information. The six wives in this film assemble yearly for what amounts to contract negotiations and bonus payments.

DONALD TRUMP starring in POOP HERE IT IS In a word silly but this new raunchy ruckus of a movie musical starring the 6'3" Baby Donald Trump has PORKY'S like scenes that you will never be able to un-see or forget thanks to a catchy sound track that is a non-stop parade of hooks with new parody lyrics. Poop here it is, for sure.

AS SEEN ON NEW ON TV - NEW PRODUCTS 2016 Trump toilet became very popular but at first was only manufactured to be very funny joke. Then many orders come at top flight luxury cost over $2000 dollars U.S. Fine Shenzhen porcelain ceramic healthy sanitary ware with best quality heated toilet seat and warm water tiny penis bidet.

DONALD TRUMP starring as THE NIGHT KING Disappointed to be left out of the GAME OF THRONES season six finale the Night King threatens to take his Army of The Dead to Showtime and have a new show starring Donald Trump ready to compete head to head against the worldwide mega-hit fantasy series in season seven.

DONALD TRUMP starring in the all new ALL IN THE FAMILY The classic series of the eighties is back with a huge twist as the Bunkers are now billionaires in this 2016 version. Made for adult cable viewers a cornucopia of racist jokes and insult putdowns are now overshadowed by the raunchy sex lives of the incestuous super-rich.

DONALD TRUMP and KIM JONG UN in THE INTERVIEW 2 Also starring Dennis Rodman. The first INTERVIEW movie was not well received in North Korea and Sony Pictures suffered a multi-million dollar data breach but all is well now as Kim Jong Un agreed to a sequel with guaranteed back-end residuals and a producers credit.

DONALD TRUMP starring in PIMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE President Trump draws both criticism and praise when names his son as Secretary Of State who then fires the entire diplomatic corps and replaces them with high-end prostitutes who have sparkling personalities. I know what world leaders want. Believe me. That I can say.

DONALD TRUMP starring in TAX CHEETO Donald Trump plays a television reality star of a hit show titled "The Cheetos" about a family of very orange people when he figures out he can pocket a lot of extra money by falsifying the multitude of cheese purchase orders and funneling phony invoices through a fake offshore cheese company.

DONALD TRUMP and SHELDON ADELSON starring in GOP HANGOVER A billionaire wakes up with no memory after a huge Las Vegas birthday bash only to discover he pledged $100 million on a dare to finance the Republican political candidacy of a talking chicken just to prove how easily many Republican voters can be manipulated.

DONALD TRUMP starring in SECRETS Trump reprises his role from the 2004 movie with even more chilling revelations. "I have eight lifetime achievement awards. The original owners are dead." "I use shark meat for tuna fish." "I once gave a dime to a homeless woman. She died before she could spend it." "Stephen King is afraid of me".

DONALD TRUMP starring in SINALOA TACO SALAD A practical joke turns into serious drama when a billionaire's personal Mexican chef makes a pointed joke with a Sinaloa Taco Salad created for Cinco de Mayo. Not amused the billionaire played well by Donald Trump fires the chef and has his wife and 21 of their cousins deported.

THE PUNISHMENT Listen Sweetie there has to be some form of punishment. We have no choice. I have no choice. Believe me honey. Nobody cherishes you women and your women's bodies more then I do believe me. But you naughty naughty naughty naughty girl. There has to be some form of punishment. I absolutely have no choice.

THE GRADUATES Based on a true story. It is the summer of 2008 when three friends get pink slips and join the ranks of the unemployed. But they have a plan so they scrape together every last dollar and enroll at Trump University. Gradually their investment becomes a complete loss save for pity donations they earn as panhandlers.

STALLONE and TRUMP starring in GREED Stallone takes a break from living large in his Italian villa when his old pal offers him five million bucks to train him for a boxing match. When told he looks like an old woman in the boxing ring a smug Trump replies he gets to fight in the billionaire division. Mostly a bunch of really old guys believe me.

OBSESSION DEEP DESIRES A psychologically penetrating series of candid celebrity interviews. One of the best has Donald Trump revealing his romance secrets. Trust me. I cherish women. But when you meet a boner maker with a terrific rack and rear you have to treat her like a dog. Believe me. Like a dog. That I can say. Absolutely.

DAILY RACING RAG BIG SPECIAL EDITION - SPRING previews of new movies, TV or online series, special programs and more!

DONALD TRUMP starring in ARMY OF THE BRAIN DEAD When it's this cold nobody does a lot of thinking. Believe me. So now we're gonna lead this terrific army of the dead a really terrific army and take back Westeros. We're gonna win like you have never seen and we're gonna make Westeros great and totally dead again. That I can say.

THE TRUMP RIOTS Netflix has another blockbuster in this seven part mini-series starring Donald Trump, Ted Cruz, Gary Busey, Kid Rock, Sarah Palin and Scott Baio. Tensions build for months and record-setting summer heat pushes people to the breaking point as violence erupts before the GOP convention doors are even opened.

TALKING TATS In yet another spin-off E Network reality series noted politically conservative celebrity commentator Caitlyn Jenner invites other upper income conservatives and tattoo aficionados to her luxury estate for intimate poolside discussions about where to get the latest Donald Trump tattoo permanently inked onto your body for life.

SNOW JOB This new millennial pandering film features Donald Snow played by Donald Trump as a fast-talking con man who is to talking snow jobs what Snoop Dog was to Hip Hop. Nothing melts Donald Snow's cold cold heart and any questions to his many cons quickly gets the questioner shoved right off the Donald Snow snowmobile.

DRUMPF HUNDE DES HASSES - TRUMP HOUNDS OF HATE A popular German TV show about animals focuses on the Drumpf Hund (Trump hound). This extremely vicious breed was first documented in Bavaria in the late 1600's and bred almost exclusively for the purpose of use in often lethal battles with enemies of their owners.

EGGS IN A CASKET They don't really like him but he is rich so he must be smart they figure. He says he is smart. He has a trophy wife. Still he says a lot of things they aren't so sure of but nobody would tell that many lies, would they? Then he said he didn't want their money but no one was surprised when he gladly took it anyway.

DONALD TRUMP starring in JOHN MILLER Transported to the planet Barsoom a entrepreneur and real estate investor discovers a barren planet inhabited by 5-foot tall Republicans. Finding himself a mind master of these creatures he acquires a knack for impersonating John Carter a political candidate in desperate need of a publicist.

MAKE AMERICA 8 AGAIN His cousin was lucky. I saw the whole thing. Believe me I'm not gonna mess with that kid. Believe me. I put him in charge of the fourth grade. Okay? I put him in charge of the fourth grade. By the way I've received great credit for that. Just in case you missed it. Which is likely. I'm just saying. Hey. I'm just saying.

MAKE AMERICA EAT AGAIN Donald Trump resumes his award winning role as Top Bun. Without even waiting for an election Top Bun announces he has been elected Commander In Chef and orders his U.S. Secretary of Meats Chris Christie to take aggressive actions aimed at countering a decline in sales of Trump Premium Steaks.

TRUMPOLOGY Developed by Donald J. Trump, Trumpology is a religion that offers a complete and certain understanding of the your victim's true gullible nature and their relationship to selfishness, dysfunctional family, hatefulness and all low life forms thus entitling you to both winning all the time and virtually being your own Supreme Being.

TRUMP PUMP from the producers of JOY Within days of withdrawing from a brutal political contest a billionaire entrepreneur and reality television star is back on TV selling multiple new products including the red tinted Trump Pump. Trump appears as himself and reveals a mother lode of secret fun facts about the sex life of a billionaire.

MASTADON Years after the collapse and destruction of a civilized America a murderous and racist mad man played perfectly by Donald Trump still bullies the populace he hasn't murdered into total mindless submission by using any and all evil tactics as necessary. In a truly dreary and horrific vision of the future there is no hope for humanity.

IT TAKES A THIEF In the 1980's he lived large and was content stealing the finest jewels and having them remade into new pieces which he then insured and had stolen yet again to collect the insurance money but with age came wisdom and the knowledge he could make an easy $10 million by selling fake diplomas to a fake university.

INDECENT PROPOSAL Katrina Hurricane plays a bright and attractive young political science graduate who is hired to work for a Presidential candidate but soon becomes his mistress and cunningly a close confidant of his spouse. When a mysterious billionaire threatens to expose their affair Katrina offers discreet sex to keep him quiet.

WIFE WARS The original concept was for a game show where candidates would participate in penis measuring contests as well as MAN SHOW style hi-jinks but as public taste changes rapidly formerly taboo concepts are now acceptable. With the wives involved a whole new category of sexist wife vs. wife comparisons can be expected.

THE SCHLONGING A group of 16 Republican politicians are traveling together when a sudden blizzard forces them to wait out the storm in the same roadside motel. Without his usual luxury accommodations one candidate named Donald Trump gets cabin fever and butchers all but one surviving and terrified politician named Ted Cruz.

LUCIFER For centuries Lucifer had ruled Hell with the appropriate amount of evil until one day he got bored and decided to take a vacation in New York City. With new found enthusiasm and energy Lucifer decides to run for President to increase his market share of departing souls and keep his minions fully occupied with evil and torture.

CARTOON BUFFOON PLATOON Cartoon Channel launches a timely new series about what else but a cartoon Donald Trump based on his appearance as seen on THE SIMPSON'S TV show. Cartoon Trump makes a huge and comical effort to enlist as many as 200 different cartoon characters from the past 100 years of animated cartoons.

VEGAS JACKASS JACKPOT From the producers of WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT. When reporters go undercover in blue collar downtown Las Vegas to find out what is so appealing about a certain billionaire demagogue they find slot machines that award endless jackpots of Keystone Light 30 packs for lining up three Donald kissy faces.

HELL RIDE Pootie couldn't believe his luck. This was the easiest thing he ever did and Satan was certain to give him a big bonus for delivering the dim-witted douchebag sleazeball President running the former superpower United States whose electorate is now the laughingstock of the entire world.

MESSAGE TO THE POPE Believe me. Jesus respects me now. That, I can tell you. Donald Trump emotes forth forcefully as Pontius Pilate in an impassioned and imperious soliloquy aimed at both himself and any Lord or Papa or otherwise almighty Father figure of Jesus that might, given the circumstances, be eavesdropping.

GHOST MAKER After stealing the Presidential election with the help of armed thugs and motorcycle gangs President Trump starts carrying chains and wearing spiked leather jackets. Later when he savagely beats a visiting Russian President Putin to death with his chain during a violent argument a worldwide nuclear conflagration erupts.

GATOR HUNT This behind the scenes look focuses on the exclusive Myrtle Beach Country Club and their annual luxury luggage sale and gator hunt. Hunters first stake out their positions with a collector's choice of gator rifles before the gator handlers release the gators in a mad scramble in the swamp. A luxury gator luggage sale is held later.

LE TRIOMPHE DE TRUMP In 1754 the New Hampshire Militia was formed for service with the British Army in North America for use in the French and Indian Wars of the next eight years. Each time the French retreat an egocentric commander played by Trump develops a larger Napoleonic complex with delusions of evermore personal glory.

LIVE FREE OR DIE - THE BATTLE OF NEW HAMPSHIRE In this new made-for-TV fictional drama the New Hampshire election contest of 1798 included candidates from the polar extremes of wealth, political thought and social standing back in the day. The two leading candidates faced the end of their careers with anything less than victory.

TOP BUN EPISODE 7: IOWA PIGS FOR TRUMP To make certain he could leverage his influence in this farm state Top Bun literally buys the farm and convinces many thousands of pigs to trust him which they in turn do in a desperate audacious and hopeful fantasy that somehow someway they would be spared their inevitable fate.

DONALD DUCKS DEBATE Donald Duck makes his first on-screen performance since a 1995 cameo in THE GOOFY MOVIE. Here Donald plays an angry politician who storms out of an important political debate after being mocked over his duck feathers and lack of pants by a fox moderator who also accuses him of political quackery.

TOP BUN EPISODE 6 - THE DERBY FAVORITE Donald Trump a.k.a. Top Bun loans out his Grade I home bred New York filly also named Top Bun to a wealthy Iowa Derby horse breeder to gain goodwill and a competitive edge. Trump becomes fond of saying if he were a thoroughbred race horse he'd want a stud date with Top Bun too.

SARAH PALIN IN ANGEL FROM HELL Sarah Palin is back on TV in a new weekly sitcom. After finishing her speech a sky-high Sarah is so excited to be back in the game she leaps on The Donald, who without pausing to take a pill or go to the bathroom, expresses his gratitude in a prolonged and raunchy spontaneous display of affection.

HE'S GOTTA HAVE IT Donald Trump continues his efforts to win over African-American voters by offering a free 3-piece dinner to any voting-age black adult wearing a 2016 Trump badge or sign. Spike Lee directs and films as they discuss how Trump's alienation of 90% of Latino voters makes attracting black voters an urgent necessity.

ACADEMY OF TRUMP TRUMP AWARDS 2016 Being a billionaire has it's advantages in politics. In an attempt to woo black voters Top Bun buys the Academy Awards, nominates for best film "Straight Outta Compton" and establishes separate but equal categories for black actors. Critics were not pleased with the ballsy trophy redesign.

THE RAT PACK IS BACK In it's 40th year this cabaret style production changes only because the cast of celebrity impersonators keeps changing. Remaining are an endless stream of tasteless racist jokes and all women are dumb broads. This nostalgia is a nightmare and this supposedly classy era now looks more assy than classy.

ALTERNATE UNIVERSE VIRTUAL REALITY - SECOND LIFE THIRD WIFE Now you can live like a billionaire but first you'll have to spend almost four grand to own one of the nifty Alternate Universe Virtual Reality (AUVR) headsets. Donald Trump tried the product and opined "Terrific, but what the hell do I need this for? I already live here."

TOP BUN EPISODE 5 - 2016 TRUMP STREET After circling the globe in only four episodes Top Bun and his beautiful Slavokian assistant kick back at 2016 Trump Street in a gated seaside Florida luxury enclave. The pair discuss grooming and fitness with the camera mostly serving a voyeur's peephole into where it probably shouldn't be.

TOP BUN - EPISODE 4 CHUTZPAH IN CHINA Top Bun convinces China to pay him to build a city equivalent to Sheldon Adelson and Steve Wynn's Island gambling mecca in Macao. Billions of dollars in Chinese wealth is transferred to American billionaires via the casinos at the #1 favorite vacation destination of upper income Chinese.

TOP BUN - EPISODE 3 JIHADI DON Immediately after El Chapo is arrested Top Bun robs El Chapo's biggest cash vault and assumes control of his Middle Eastern illegal drug trafficking business. When some wealthy Saudis try to stiff Top Bun for a heroin shipment he temporarily renames himself Jihadi Don and makes a threatening video.

TOP BUN 2 Top Bun picks up a lucrative contract to attend an event at the White House with an accomplice in order to plant listening devices for the NRA. He doesn't kill anybody in this episode but his Slovenkia accomplice's wardrobe malfunction is must see television and allows Top Bun plenty of time to complete his secret mission.

REAL HOUSEWIVES OF TRUMP TOWER Trump is the master of reality television and once again he demonstrates how it's done. The Donald assembles the wives in the penthouse lobby for a scavenger hunt. Having strategically hidden some very valuable and terrific pieces of jewelry the hunt begins with upskirt Melania camera angles.

JIHADI APPRENTICE Even before his Presidential campaign The Donald had negotiated a deal for an APPRENTICE style television show with Africa's second largest TV network. Local customs and traditions have been embraced as the program airs in multiple dialects depending on the broadcast's location in Southern or Northern Africa.

TOP BUN A hired assassin known only as Top Bun picks up a lucrative contract to eliminate rebellious leaders of the $25 per hour minimum wage movement sweeping through Gotham City. While the Batman is vacationing in Hawaii with the President Top Bun strikes with lethal force and zero empathy for his many innocent victims.

TRAINING TODAY Tired of being laughed at and rejected by his former nude model and porn star wife who is 35 years younger The Donald hires a personal trainer with a confidentiality clause that was crafted by an elite group of litigation attorneys virtually assuring that The Donald will attain a new sculpted physique within months or else.

COUTH Donald a retired real estate developer vacations at a Swiss spa with some other really old guys and maps out his strategy for possibly his final Presidential campaign after an unprecedented three prior efforts in three different political parties. Sadly his limp dick and pouty-face performance in this film lacks energy and falls flat.

BRONANZA In his first moral dilemma of the new season Ben must negotiate a huge contract for Russian-made casino chips with a relative of his first wife who was crushed to death in a cattle stampede Ben still feels partly responsible for. The two reminisce and man-bond in a shirtless horse ride around the beautiful Ponderosa.

BRONANZA In the best news this season a reincarnation of the classic series BRONANZA is in production. Ben Cartwright is played by 69 year-old Donald Trump as he manages the Ponderosa terrifically for which he gets lots of credit in the financial press as well as raising his three grown sons from three different women (all deceased).

DAS ARSCHLOCH Donald Trump ably portrays the heir to a German rat poison fortune who establishes a worldwide legion of independent contractor sales associates and lobbyists in an effort to increase sales in all nations with a new and deadlier formulation of the rat poison that made him a billionaire and reality television star.

TRUMPET OF THE DOOM Everybody just assumed the a popular Las Vegas Lounge act named ISIS and The Jihad Hip Hop Jazz Band were just milking the name of their sultry black female singer Isis Holmes-Tyson. But suspicions mount when a convention of Rabbis protest the group's too smooth song selection and late night starting time.

FABULIST FOUR Pootie Putin, Benedict Donald, Julian "Assman" Assange and Sean "Pancake" Hannity star in the best movie ever made. Every word of dialog is expertly designed deceptive dishonesty led by Pootie the Prince of Prevarication but all four fabricating falsifiers are Fabulist Hall of Famers.

PARANOID HUMANOIDS ON STEROIDS FROM THE DEEP An oceanography experiment goes horribly wrong when a class of Santa Barbara college students abandon their sinking floating classroom only to be sucked into a water vortex and pulled deeper below into what appears to be a fish feeding tank aboard an alien submarine.

BLACK MESS While a wealthy and powerful politician is pursuing the Presidency his brother from another mother becomes unhinged with jealousy and changes his doppelganger appearance. Convinced he is a warrior for the wood he starts bombing baby furniture stores. Trump's performance in a dual role is breathtaking.

THE MUSTACHIOS Wary of the label PC Police the independent incendiary language review commission had kept a low profile despite a proliferation of offensive public rhetoric. But when the leading hate speech proponent sprouts a Hitler mustache to match his fascist political tirades the commission uses their authority to make an arrest.

AMURICA RISING - A REVOLUTION DECAPITATES THE MYTH A schizophrenic television reality star leads an out of control racist mob from a Florida tour bus into Times Square and storms the world-famous Wax Museum. After stealing Nazi uniforms the mob leader emerges with the decapitated wax head of Abraham Lincoln.

TANGLED Donald Trump plays Flynn Ryder in this new extended version of the Disney classic. Picking up three years after the original Rapunzel dumps an aging and disillusioned Flynn who then desperately clings to her memory by wearing a wig with extensions made from her hair despite the resulting inconvenience and entanglements.

TRUMP MED Donald Trump plays a billionaire tycoon who establishes his own medical center for the purpose of collecting his and only his sperm and establishing a high-end resale market for it. After an IPO investors and speculators quickly buy up the Trump sperm which is then stored in the world's finest state-of-the-art cold storage.

DIE COUCH DEATHMATCH Due to a quirk in the time machine technology time travel reverses the aging cycle and all time travel combatants arrive as babies. And for decades many babies have tried but all have failed in the effort to dethrone Baby Hitler from his championship title of all-time world's most notorious fascist baby.

TRUMPO An Emmy winning reality TV star gets blue balled by his first two wives who dislike his liberal political beliefs. After the second divorce Trumpo turns conservative and for his next bride buys an enslaved Eastern European girl for $18 million establishing a new sale price record at a secret private human trafficking auction in Paris.

WAR FOR ELEPHANTS A despondent veterinary student from Wharton joins a circus and helps raise a rare albino meat-eating elephant for a cruel circus master with a German accent. After killing the circus master and having sex with his wife the student leads the albino and all the other circus elephants in a violent war-like rampage.

SYRIANS IN SYRACUSE A flamboyant local luxury car dealer played well by Donald Trump and his general sales manager played by Chris Christie go berserk as part of an ill-conceived Republican political strategy after two Syrian refugee orphans arrive. "What the hell do we need them here for? They won't buy cars. They're worthless".

FOREIGN POLICY TELEVISION After 45 years of foreign policy advice to the elite and government the original editorial board is now only two men and they're both over 85 years old. In a candid series of interviews they admit they're afraid to die because they've seen no sign of intelligence from any GOP foreign policymaker this century.

FOREIGN POLICY TELEVISION - discussion and interviews

DEPORTATION FORCE In what analysts expect to be the runaway box office champion for the entire year Donald Trump's magnum opus DEPORTATION FORCE has drawn huge interest and future ticket sales are setting records. Also stars Geraldo Rivera, Salma Hayek and 7'9" Chinese athlete Sun Ming Ming as fugitive illegal aliens.

DEPORTATION FORCE Within months after his rise to power Darth Trump assembles a 66,000 man deportation force including the entire ROTC class from Phoenix University. The force's first targets are celebrities and they quickly descend upon television and motion picture studios to maximize publicity and instill terror in the fugitives.

GOP SURVIVOR ISLAND 2016 Survivor Island for 2016 Republican candidates is the luxurious Lighthouse Bay Resort where "survival" conditions normally go for $2400 per night. Still after several days on the island paradise all the men begin to bond while Carly Fiorina somehow becomes less appealing with every bitter diatribe she spews.

THE WORLD OF FINE SWINE After victories in the Grade One Oscar Mayer Turf Mile and the FarmeR John Breeders Cup Classic the bidding at a closed sale went through the roof as Porkstar was purchased for a high six-figures by the Donald Trump barn. Porkstar with Trump riding will likely be the favorite for the 2016 Iowa Derby .

PIZZA RAT Riding the updraft spiral of viral notoriety Pizza Rat lands his own major motion picture deal after heeding the savvy advice of his Brooklyn flat roommate played by Donald Trump. Their adventures are a voyeurs delight as Pizza Rat goes wherever New Yorkers eat pizza including the women's dormitory at Brooklyn College.

DAILY RACING RAG - exclusive special report

IOWA DERBY WRONG WAY RUNNER Frontrunner Donald Trump has apparently become disoriented being so far out in the lead and is heading back to the pack at full gallop. In an earlier interview Trump said he doesn't understand Iowa racing but every racing oval in America runs left to right.

UNDERCOVER BOSS After being threatened with a huge multi-million dollar lawsuit a Las Vegas hotel owner goes undercover as a transgender activist to find out if any of his employees have been discriminating against LGBT customers but hopes to prove they would never do such a politically incorrect thing in his fantastic hotel.

BATTLESHIP Not even remotely living up to the hype or the title this may be the worst action movie ever made of all time. The only action in the whole film involves seagull droppings and a beefy security guard throwing protester's signs in the water next to a decommissioned battleship museum. This DVD bomb goes straight to the bargain bin.

STRAIGHT OUTTA WHARTON Donald Trump plays a record company executive who reunites the surviving members of a 1990's seminal rap group in order to facilitate a contraband smuggling scheme claiming the plan is foolproof because his Wharton School education makes him smarter than any federal law enforcement agency.

FACE OFF With his face planted firmly between the Donald's butt cheeks Ted Cruz played by Ted Cruz hatches a plan to impersonate the Donald in order to eventually inherit his jumanji and become the party nominee. Trump played by Trump recognizes the insincerity but decides the enjoyment of watching others grovel is worth the risk.

TROLL STORY Merchandise has become an important revenue source for candidates so much so that the HOMEBUG SHOPPING CHANNEL has devoted the entire month of September to promoting and selling the Alabama collection of Trump's classic southern folk trolls.

THE BIRTH OF ALIENATION Celebrating the 100th anniversary of D.W.Griffith's THE BIRTH OF A NATION this one hour docudrama from FOX WHITE and the Republican Party panders to the same ancient nativist and racist sentiments still found in abundance in America today. In 100 years only the targets of intolerance change.

OPERACION ARBUSTO TELESTRELLAVISTA UNIMUNDOVISION presents this Spanish language telenovela soap opera style drama about the secret deals and intrigue involved in American Presidential politics. Episode one involves the secret alliance between Donald Trump and Ted Cruz to kill the Jeb Bush campaign.

ANCHORS AWAY While celebrity Don Gottalot is sitting on a $164,000 gold-plated toilet in one of Don's many $100 million properties Don has an epiphany that 148 years after the 14th Amendment became law America can no longer afford to grant birthright citizenship to unemployed babies born in America to non-wealthy foreigners.

KINGS LANDING As is their usual style the HYSTERIA CHANNEL has rewritten history before it even happens. In this new film America's new King Donald Trump meets all the Kings of the seven kingdoms at a Kings-only day conference in Westeros. The new King's first decree was matching plaid suits for his entourage of toadies.

SUPERMANHOOD - ADVENTURES OF THE SUPERHUMANS With some of the worst dialog ever written Donald Trump chews scenery like a million moth beetle infestation and we can't even tell if Melania is speaking English. However, despite reviewer's universal condemnations this film has become an instant cult classic.

THE DIVANA TRUMP SHOW - LIVE FROM CLEVELAND In this episode the highest rated episode in talk television history Divana mixes it up with ease and humiliates the entire Republican debate field in the main event but gets bored and starts a blood feud with the popular FOX news panelist Megyn Kelly in a cat fight for the ages.

THE DIVANA TRUMP SHOW THE DIVANA TRUMP SHOW has been a ratings triumph for Divana Trump and there is no sign of slowing down this daytime talk show juggernaut that is definitely and remarkably politically incorrect. The more supposedly all-powerful interest groups Divana insults the more popular this show becomes.

JUNGLE BOOKIE The Animal Bad Behavior Channel starts the new season with an edgier adaptation of the classic Jungle Book. King Louie voiced by Donald Trump makes odds and takes bets on zebra races and other animal athletics but also a dead pool for orangutans killed by Boko Haram for monkey stew and Orang Julius.

TITANIC 2016 starring DONALD TRUMP and SARAH PALIN The conservative base of the GOP loves who they love and there is nothing on earth that can change their hearts. If love is not madness it is not love. Republicans make a swim for it as their ideal romance hits an iceberg in a film TV GUIDO calls "The movie of the century."

CLOWN OVERBOARD This new IMAX film has terrific underwater photography and features Trump's personal luxury yacht. Trump invites GOP insiders aboard to mend fences but infuriates them so much they throw him overboard. Trump berates a menacing shark into an embarrassed retreat. "I've met many sharks tougher than you".

JADE HELM Donald Trump assumes the role of Jade Helm who was the original swinging secret agent as played by Dean Martin in the 1960's. Like a reincarnated rat packer Jade swaggers his way into apprehending Public Enemy Number One while bedding half the white girls enrolled at a Texas Christian College.

THE LAST PAGEANT After being dropped by NBC and UniVision and 90% of the worldwide networks broadcasting the show last year Trump makes a deal with the low rated Reelz TV channel. Then to help cover a projected $13 million dollar loss on the production an assistant producer and investor sells the crown to Donald's first wife Ivana without Trump's okay. With less than 1900 viewers the era of televised beauty pageants was relegated to history. DVD will be available August 4th.

AMERICAN HORROR STORY For the new TV season Donald Trump gets in a dispute with the circus owner and hires all the clowns for his own personal security and amusement on the campaign trail then brags "I've got the best clowns out there and all the other clowns are losers".

HANNIBAL III - I LOVE MEXICAN Donald Trump bought the rights after the TV show was canceled by NBC saying he could make it great again. TV Guido says Trump has hit the mark with this new rewritten version in which Hannibal played magnificently by Trump eats his international business rivals whenever they anger him. In the second big episode Hannibal tires of Chinese and and enjoys a sumptuous Mexican feast while in Mexico recruiting hundreds of workers for his golf courses and hotels in America.

HANNIBAL III - CHINESE FOR LUNCH Donald Trump bought the rights after the TV show was canceled by NBC saying he could make it great again. TV Guido says Trump has hit the mark with this new rewritten version in which Hannibal played magnificently by Trump eats his international business rivals whenever they anger him.

MEET THE FLOCKERS Junior Flocker had a good run with his 1980's tribute band Flock Of Seashells but after running out of money he's forced to borrow from his wealthy father played by Donald Trump. Father Flocker agrees but only if he can go on the road as a member of the band. Junior Flocker regrets his decision on the very first song at their first show and later calls Mother Flocker played by Sarah Palin and together they devise a plan to trick Dad into running for President.

THE ENCYCLICAL OF TRUMPERY Donald Trump stars as himself along with his newest wife and young son. Trump issues an encycliclal document proclaiming how everything should be in America and how everyone should act in world and why he's the only one both smart enough and rich enough to understand the world as it really is.

TRUMP - HOW I CAN SAVE AMERICA FROM THE CHINESE Donald Trump decides he will turn fundraising for Presidential campaigns into a gold plated profit making business. Using unemployed graduates from Trump University his sales team starts selling time shares for luxury vacation suites to be built in a proposed residential tower.

THE POLITICAL APPRENTICE This year's CPAC has either gone full quackers or total duck outta luck for brains as they honor Duck Dynasty star and frequent hatemonger Phil Robertson as their man of the year. Donald "The Duck" Trump gets in the spirit when he dons a Phil Robertson style beard and starts blowing his Duck Dynasty duck call that all the attendees receive. TV Guido says it's a stupid show but they have great fun acting like little kids throwing mud at each other in a mud hole oblivious to just how bad a duck pond smells.

THE SMITHSTONIAN CHANNEL celebrates the official hanging ceremony of Donald Trump's portrait in the Washington D.C. national art gallery of America's most notorious gangsters, fraudsters, embezzelers and con men with a HD television documentary and biography of Trump's life and multitude of alleged financial crimes. New York's Attorney General claims $40 million dollars in fraud was committed in his state alone.

THE SMITHSTONIAN CHANNEL celebrates the hanging of Donald Trump's portrait.

Trump Dumps On GOP Budget Plan! "The public will NOT buy that crap!" The Donald went on to call Paul Ryan politically naive and said if Mitt Romney embraces the Ryan budget plan too closely he will guarantee the reelection of President Obama. When asked about any specific ingredients in the Republican formulated budget that make it so unpalatable Trump called the whole plan a "recipe for disaster". April 11, 2012. Trump Restaurant Review

The Foxworthy Effect! Poll says 63% of Alabama GOP thinks voracious Chinese carp were intentionally released by Chinese Communists into U.S. freshwater lakes in order to destroy the American bass fishing industry. Romney responded by saying he would go after the Chinese by introducing an even more voracious American-bred carpus trumpus which is bred to devour it's own weight in Chinese fish daily and still be hungry.
March 13, 2012. Southern Bass Magazine

Bromance Breakup Broke Newt's Heart!
It's been all downhill since Trump fired Gingrich. Just 30 days ago Newt Gingrich was leading all national polls and basking in the spotlight with Donald Trump. Then all but two GOP candidates pulled out of Trump's Presidential Apprentice Debate so Trump fired them all including a tearful and dismayed Newt. Since the bromantic breakup the Gingrich campaign has been both disorganized and dispirited. Most heartbreaking of all to Gingrich is knowing his failure to keep Trump on his team cost him millions of dollars in desperately needed campaign cash.
December 31, 2011. Year's Biggest Breakups

Trumpduck Left With Nutsacks!
Bachmann, Perry now say they're not Trumpsuckers! Billionaire Donald Trumpduck purchased the entire Tea Party and expected them to show up at his debate. Newt Gingrich and Eft Santorum were included in the leveraged buyout and handed over in plastic bags like carnival goldfish as were the other candidates. However, the other Tea Party candidates have all swum away. Only the amphibians, Newt and Eft remain. Because of their being only part reptilian by nature the pair do not find Trumpsucking offensive when done as a means of sustenance. Notably, Billionaire Trumpduck has tons and tons of money and neither the Gingrich or Santorum campaigns have enough money for the GOP primary elections which begin January 3.
December 9, 2011. Trump Tower Playroom.

The Donald Buys Entire Tea Party!
National organization to be renamed Trump Party in re-branding strategy! Billionaire Donald Trumpduck has purchased the entire Tea Party. The party's four favorite candidates, Newt Gingrich, Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry and Rick Santorum were included in the leveraged buyout and handed over in plastic bags like carnival goldfish. Trumpduck had already made big news by purchasing the December 27th Republican Party Presidential debate. After that debate Trumpduck will endorse his chosen Presidential candidate who will then see to Trumpduck's wishes, whims and political errands thereafter. Trumpduck plans to rename the Tea Party because he feels it would be a lot classier if it were named the Trump Party. Trumpduck also owns the Miss Universe pageant, Michael Jackson's glove and a Central American country.
December 8, 2011. Trump Party HQ.

Newt Gives Trump Star Treatment!
Pair emerge all smiles from private meeting in Trump Hotel suite! At a joint news conference following the meeting Newt Gingrich gushed all over Donald Trump with compliments and hand gestures as Trump beamed his approval. Donald Trump later hinted the road to the White House runs through his hotel suite and Newt was just showing his commitment to the job by making the pilgrammage to Donald Trump's realm. Donald Trump will be hosting a GOP Presidential debate on December 27 and called Ron Paul and Jon Huntsman joke candidates for deriding the importance of Donald Trump and refusing to appear in the Donald Trump Presidential Debate or "Presidential Apprentice with Donald Trump" shows as listed in TV Guide. Check your local cable channel listings.
December 6, 2011. Trump Tribute Meeting Hall.

Trump gets star treatment from Gingrich.

One Will Be Fired!
Donald Trump gets to choose GOP nominee in "Presidential Apprentice" cable ratings blockbuster! Each candidate will be allowed to say how much they admire Donald Trump for five minutes with follow up compliments about Donald Trump limited to five minutes. Each candidate will finish with 45 seconds of tearfully begging Donald Trump not to fire them.
December 5, 2011. Newsus Maximus Las Vegas.

That's All, Folks!
Donald Trump announces he WILL NOT run for the 2012 Republican nomination for President of the United States of America and "Celebrity Apprentice" returns this fall. Trump has a multimillion dollar television deal with NBC for his "Celebrity Apprentice" hit show which is NBC's number one prime time program. "Celebrity Apprentice", starring Donald Trump, will be back for it's 12th season next year. Possible contesting apprentices could be any number of recently retired politicians or possibly even a few candidates that have also dropped out of the Presidential race. Producers would also love to land a Charlie Sheen meltdown type of nut job because Gary Bucey was such a ratings hit last season. And finally, Donald Trump has a million dollar deal as a FOX BUSINESS NEWS contributor so he'll be able to keep cashing those paychecks from Rupert Murdoch. Even "The Donald" knows he's a pauper compared to multibillionaire Murdoch. By not running for President Trump will not have to reveal any income tax returns thereby allowing him to continue making unsubstantiated egomaniacal boasts about the presumed billions he has stashed away despite a multitude of lawsuits and bankruptcy proceedings which would make tempting targets in the political arena.
May 16, 2011. FOX NEWS Employees Lunchroom.

Trump Ponders Presidential Run!
Donald Trump spent President's Day seriously thinking about running for the GOP Presidential nomination. A large bronze horse statue was brought in so Trump could get a better idea of what it might feel like to be a President like George Washington. Trump's longtime sculpture consultant said The Donald looked comfortable in a variety of heroic and statesmanlike poses. Trump will meditate and study his photos on horseback and then decide if he's got the time it will take to run in the 2012 Presidential Derby.
February 21, 2011. Trump Pre-Presidential Museum Las Vegas.

Trump Towers over others at building towers and creating jobs. He's thinking about 2012. Perennial possible Republican candidate Donald Trump has charisma and already is success personified but "The Donald" is so unimpressed with Sarah Palin and the other GOP candidates that he is seriously considering a Presidential run in 2012. Trump says he is embarrassed that, in international business, America is getting it's butt badly beaten by cheating Chinese. November 20, 2010. Trump Trumpeteer

Trump towers over others at creating jobs.