|MIKE PENCE EXCLUSIVE! If everybody else had these stories they wouldn't be exclusive.|
|SWAMP SCUM SUCKERS Trump sets out to drain the swamp and refuses to hear the protests about how he is doing it saying he knows more than all the stupid plumbers in Washington and saying he is right up there with Roto-Rooter the owner of which he is a personal friend of mine believe me.|
|FOR SOMEONE VERY SPECIAL Faced with a moral dilemma Grandpa Mike knows it is up to him to save mankind from the spawn of the devil but can't bring himself to rid the planet of the same being that may bring about the end of the human species and instead hopes the devil child will gorge himself to death on Werther's Original candies.|
|TOP BUN - SECOND BANANA Already in season two TOP BUN inexplicably starts with episode four when Top Bun pulls his running mate out from behind the Indiana state flag in a bumbling magic trick and jokes "I was expecting a bunny". A humiliated Mike Pence recovers and sings a beautiful version of Andy Williams "Moon River".|
|VEEP AUDITION Simon Kalb appears as a celebrity guest judge to help Donald Trump choose a running mate in this GOP-TV mini-series competition. Chris Christie performs an energetic dance number while Newt Gingrich proves tone deaf and sings off key. Mike Pence impresses the audience with a medley of Andy Williams hits.|
|RED STATE PIANO Is this another Music Man? No. But they got trouble with a capital T in River City, Indiana. After the legislature legalizes discrimination against gays and lesbians in Indiana an amazing majority of big name recording artists suddenly cancel all concerts and appearances in the state. The Indiana State Fair is left without any performers until Governor Mike Pence comes to the apparent rescue. Mike is a big fan of Pat Boone and knows all his songs so he calls his friend Carly Fiorina who can carry a tune to help out with harmony and 90 minutes later their show biz career is born. Things seem to be going well until a flaming bag of horse poop is tossed on stage.|
|Pence Off Fence Drops New Hints!
Indiana Representative Mike Pence will NOT run for President and may enter Indy race instead. Pence held a news conference and in the same sentence that Pence jumped off the Presidential fence, Pence dropped hints that gave a sense that Pence has intents in Indy since Pence would hence be favored for the pole position in the Indiana Governor's race.
January 27, 2011. Indianapolis 500 Press Pit
| Mike Pence Says Flat Abs And Flat Tax Both Good!
Rep. Mike Pence flew to Detroit to preach survival of the fittest. To an audience made up largely of people who would be unemployed except for government bailouts of the auto industry, Mike Pence outed his six-pack plan for a flat tax that would hurt poor people so much they would forget about government assistance and move to refugee camps on Canadian Indian reservations. The flat tax is called flat because it squeezes people at the bottom so hard that homeless people become footpaths. Pence countered that Detroit had already created a solution to the homeless problem with production of the flatbed truck. Pence also called for a flat earth climate change denial policy and a flat line healthcare elimination plan that would purge flat people from benefit roles.
November 29, 2010. Detroit Flat Festival
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