Game Of Thrones - Special Report

DONALD TRUMP starring as THE NIGHT KING Disappointed to be left out of the GAME OF THRONES season six finale the Night King threatens to take his Army of The Dead to Showtime and have a new show starring Donald Trump ready to compete head to head against the worldwide mega-hit fantasy series in season seven.

HILLARY CLINTON starring in THE IRON LADY When the position of Royal Ruler suddenly becomes available Hillary insists she is the most prepared and up to the challenge of leading the Iron Islands into negotiations for a mutually beneficial trade deal with the Rust Belt despite the fact a women has never before been elected leader.

DONALD TRUMP starring in ARMY OF THE BRAIN DEAD When it's this cold nobody does a lot of thinking. Believe me. So now we're gonna lead this terrific army of the dead a really terrific army and take back Westeros. We're gonna win like you have never seen and we're gonna make Westeros great and totally dead again. That I can say.

BERNIE SANDERS, SUSAN SARANDON and BEYONCE starring in WALK THIS WAY Just as the High Sparrow played by Bernie Sanders is about order Beyonce as the Queen Bee to begin her walk of atonement he reconsiders and announces they will instead produce an eleven part television mini-series about the Faith Militant.

BERNIE SANDERS NO TOMORROW FOR A SPARROW Saint Bernard makes a miscalculation by campaigning for election to the position of High Septon on the same day the Kingslayer returns in a very foul mood. Not realizing the gravity of the situation he delivers his stump speech to an assembly of the Kingslayer's soldiers.

BERNIE SANDERS IN FAITH OF THE SEVEN Saint Bernard escorts his devoted followers and campaign contributors known as the Bernie Bros on a guided tour of the vast inner reaches of the Great Sept in the last days before for the coming election for High Septon. Tension builds as rival campaigners are offended by the Bernie Bros.

TED CRUZ starring in RESURRECTED The day of wakening finally arrives and Rafael Snow can hear the resurrection of his brother Jon occurring in the next room. Rafael briefly comes back to life but his resurrection goes unnoticed and he suddenly dies forever when the Red Woman tumbles off the balcony outside his door.

TED CRUZ starring in ICE COLD DEAD After being mathematically eliminated from a Night's Watch popularity and drinking contest Ted Cruz as Rafael Snow is determined to lay motionless with his brother and fellow bastard on the ice cold ground until their fates are revealed on the coming election day in the Indiana Islands.

WALK OF ATONEMENT, VENGEANCE WILL BE MINE It was a grim conclusion to the busy season of Game Of Thrones spinoff series. In WALK OF ATONEMENT Bernie Sanders stars as the High Sparrow and strips away the finery of an incestuous and very flawed Lady Liberty and exposes her shame for leaving millions of citizens to rot in poor health and poverty while pandering exclusively like Little Finger's whores to the inherently wicked billionaire class. In REVENGE SHALL BE MINE Hillary Clinton delivers the performance of a decade in a wrenching retelling of her own walk of atonement. An actress cannot be more convincing as a humiliated woman seething with the raging conviction that her tormentors will feel her molten wrath burn through their skins like a Targaryan dragon roasting pigeon pies. TV GUIDO said after the show ended he sat awestruck for 15 minutes before writing an unusable "I love that fucking show."

THE CHOSEN ONE Jeb Bush barely survives his battle with Scott Walker in the Koch murder bowl only to displease the pharaohs with a semantics gaffe and they order the Harpy to attack. Just as Jeb is about to face his doom his dragon mother of the royal DragonBush blood swoops in to fly her son to safety.

AMERICAN PHARAOHS In yet another Game Of Thrones spin-off movie the action starts many moons after the dragon queen fled the arena with a modernized version of the murder bowl. Political candidates vie one-on-one for the approval of both the audience and the Koch brothers who were and still remain the power behind the Harpy.

BANK OF ADELSON Adelson the corrupt insurance salesman and banker becomes suspicious of the oyster girl and finances another Game Of Thrones spin-off series in which he survives for nine episodes.

KOCH WALKERS - THE LONG WINTER IS COMING and DUNGEONS AND DRAG QUEENS Still more Game Of Throne spin-off series which makes dozens now. KOCH WALKERS is especially gruesome as the Koch army of dead attorneys slaughter union organizers without mercy. In DUNGEONS AND DRAG QUEENS Cersi is still in the dungeon but gets a new cell mate who talks too much but is an improvement over her previous isolation.

REVISIT THE DOOM Who would ever return to the doom? The curious? The insane? The unknowing? This suspense-filled drama has Jeb Bush returning to the scene of his brother's heinous legacy with his protege as hostage. They encounter shocking reminders of why no one else wishes to return to the doom.

SONS OF THE HARPER - PAPERBACK ATTACK In yet another GAME OF THRONES spinoff the largest paperback book publisher in the seven kingdoms launches a smear attack against the queen and the adulation she receives from her subjects who love her devotedly. The Harper played by Rupert Murdoch orders his masked mercenary army to illicitly distribute a new inflammatory paperback based on false charges and smears and lacking any shred of credible evidence.

LORD OF LIGHT Carly Fiorina gives acting a try in this GAME OF THRONES spinoff movie. The Red Priestess of Asshat offers proof of the Lord of Light to the skeptical bannermen of King Stannis. She claims in hushed tones that the box she calls HP-150 is a magical and blessed connector to her Lord and must be protected at all costs.

BEN CARSON: THE FACELESS MAN Trepanning expert Ben H'Ghar Carson is open for business in Braavos which is west of Westeros and business is good but the end is nigh. Head plugs are all the rage and the faceless man is the master practitioner of the ancient science of drilling holes into people's skulls to release the evil spirits confusing nonbelievers. However, political and religious conformity in Braavos increase dramatically after corks start popping out of patients skulls at a mass grave digging ceremony and soon everyone professes to believe the party line without hesitation or head plugs. Now with head plugs falling out of favor Ben H'Ghar Carson decides to make a career change into politics and political bookselling.

THE VICTORY OF TREACHERY has blockbuster written all over it. After winning a rabidly loyal following in the Commonwealth of Kentucky the young Rand Paul permanently upgrades his bastard son status among the elderly oligarchs by lending his wizardly campaign manager to the very candidate his followers most want to flog, stone and behead. After his baffled followers are duped out of their chance of defeating the hated Mitch McConnell they are mercilessly flayed in as gruesome a scene of bloody betrayal as the Commonwealth has seen in centuries. Just in time Lady Alison played by Alison Lundergan Grimes arrives on the otherwise dreary scene and the action sparkles. Her energetic debut is looking more and more like a potential Oscar winning role in her first time up on the big screen.

NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM is the sequel to ABBOTT OF THRONE seen last month on Texas BBS stations "We got the sauce!" which featured Lord Abbott and his hunchback man servant Hoodat of the House of Ted crisscrossing Texas on a journey they hoped would seat Lord Abbott on the Throne of the Yellow Rose. After learning of the existence of a collector's edition Abortion Barbie from the three-eyed crow they killed in the Oklahoma wasteland Lord Abbott and Hoodat return south to Six Flags Over Texas and hide inside the world famous Barbie Museum until after midnight when the elated duo emerge with the precious doll under a bright full moon. Lord Abbott is now certain with the magical power of the Abortion Barbie doll he'll be able to claim the Yellow Throne of Texas and afford some new clothes and fashion accessories for Hoodat.

GAME OF THORNS You can't blame Texas BBS stations "We got the sauce!" for sticking with what works as their recent in house productions have set ratings records. This time the action is set about twenty years into the future but the prize as always is the Throne of the Yellow Rose. Industrial pollution from a toxic silver based liquid chemical compound manufactured in Abilene has seeped into the river and ground water and the entire downstream population in Southwest Texas has seen their skin turn blue from the silver. Corrupt Texas factory lords told the Blue Texans as they were now called that they were wealthy from the amount of silver in their bodies. But when they found out that their corpses would have to be burnt to retrieve the silver resentment started to build among the non-union workforce. Gradually more and more vigilante groups called Blue Man Posses form until a full fledged insurrection led by Blue Texans leads to a shoot 'em up for the ages.

THE ABBOTT OF THRONE is TEXAS BBS STATIONS "We got the sauce" brand new series to air this summer and possibly much longer. Sir Gregor Abbott was crippled in a squirrel flying accident so he depended on his very large hunchback man servant named Hoodat from the House of Ted to carry him across Texas. Gregor felt he was destined to sit on the Throne of the Yellow Rose but first he had to go north to the Oklahoma border wasteland and kill the three-eyed crow that haunted him for no particular reason. Along the way Gregor and Hoodat learn how to jiggle the Texas panhandle and experience many adventures and face many obstacles they must overcome.

THE WESTEROS WING is a new weekly TV series starring President Barack Obama. In the premiere episode Glenn Beck blows the lid off the conspiracy that resulted in the poisoning of the King. Kings Landing City Council President Barack Obama admits he was part of the conspiracy but the public which passionately despised the King anyway decided it was much for the best and rewarded Obama with the Presidency of all of Westeros and began a campaign to abolish the monarchy entirely. In his first official action Obama orders an increased effort at tax collection from certain tea parlors known to be misrepresenting their tax status and skirting the law.

GAME OF DRAGONS is a fantastical look at the intrigue and political maneuvering involving the powerful families of an advanced civilization in a new world on the American continent which was undiscovered by those living in mythical Westeros on the other side of the planet. Scientific discoveries allow alchemists to grow dragons from prehistoric DNA and politics is changed forever. As the dragons grow in size and independence a sudden rash of grisly attacks finds multiple Tea Party loyalists incinerated and piles of ashes accumulating throughout the turbulent continent's capital city. The evil Lord Murdoch plots a revenge utilizing magical invisible rays transmitted through the atmosphere for the purpose of neutralizing the threat to his dark kingdom of mutant sycophants. Hillary Clinton does a star turn as the American Khaleesi with Bill Clinton as the wise Dragon Wrangler.

Game Of Knowns! Familiar faces will reappear in coming seasons. At every turn life seems full of treachery and betrayals and yet at the same time somewhere someplace perhaps far away perhaps nearby a new reason for hope takes flight. Hope for a free and prosperous era of liberty and dignity and void of the slave masters who oppress so many and fill their lives with hardship and suffering. June 9, 2013. Westeros Raven Reporter

Let It End! Lady Bachmann's final desperate attempt to repeal Obamacare fails. Lady Bachmann was doomed from the beginning but right up until the end she was too absorbed in her vain quest for more power and fame to realize that the people did not support her efforts. June 7, 2013. Westeros Raven Reporter

Christie Feels Like A Wizard! Says he learned it all from marks on paper. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie was on a massive sugar high using his new found powers to convert a normal New Jersey election into a muddled mishmash clustermuffin to be held on two different days three weeks apart. June 6, 2013. NJ Game Of News

Christie Fails To Appoint Conservative! New Jersey Senate seat opened after death of incumbent. The conservative's favorite Bridge Commissioner Tywin Lannister made a name for himself when he suggested hanging the corpses of fare cheats from New Jersey's toll bridges. June 5, 2013. NJ Game Of News

Young Libertarian King Receives Counsel! Campaign war strategy progresses. The young king's father may posess the real power behind the Iron Throne. His advice is essential to realizing the family's lifelong quest for power over all the many kingdoms of the realm. May 14, 2013. Westeros Raven Reporter

Young Heir To Throne Declares War! Campaign begins for 2016. In a malicious attack on the integrity of his presumed main rival the young Libertarian king launched the inevitable war for the Iron Throne and governance over all the many kingdoms of the realm. May 13, 2013. Westeros Raven Reporter

Bush head on stick in HBO Game Of Thrones

Bush To Blame!
HBO apologizes for Bush head on a stick ! A new poll found that most Americans still say George W. Bush was a miserable failure as President and more responsible for the causes of the current weak economy than President Obama. Bush's head was mounted on a pole after being beheaded by King Joffrey on "Game Of Thrones". HBO's apology said they only had a limited number of severed heads on hand.
June 15, 2012. Prop Master Monthly

SONS OF OLIGARCHY! History books replete with ruinous consequences.
Governance by the progeny of the oligarchy has inevitably lead to failure. Lord Mitt Romney is a filthy rich son-of-an-oligarch and that makes him a statistically poor choice to lead the nation as President. Since civilization began the accomplishments of first generation leaders have dwarfed those of the pampered progeny of the oligarchic elite. Romney's public record suggests no reason to suspect a 5,000 year-old trend will be reversed.
June 14, 2012. The Historical Facts Of Failure

White Walker Terror Kills Recall! "Game of Thrones" creatures get their way. Appearing in a terrifying video from north of the frozen Wall, an unidentified White Walker shriek-roared about the recall election against a Walker namesake despite having never met Scott Walker or set foot-paw in Wisconsin. Reporters, who generally never venture beyond the frozen Wall for fear of being disemboweled and fed upon by armies of zombie warriors, are certain to raise questions about the authenticity of the video. The Walker campaign said the video was delivered by a faceless hooded deliveryman in the dead of an icy cold black night.
June 6, 2012. Winterfell Wisconsin Herald