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 HILLARY CLINTON EXCLUSIVE! If everybody else had these
stories they wouldn't be exclusive. |
 | HILLARY After Roseanne is banned from television for continually spouting racist bigotry on Twitter the Connors are desperate to keep their sitcom on TV and offer the part to an available Hillary Clinton and rename the show hoping the liberal leaning executives at the network will go along with the idea. |
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| THE GRABBER This new film from ButtHealth is about how a lifetime of grabbing, groping, kissing, fondling, fingering and fooling around haven't slowed this 70 year-old testosterone buzzed billionaire. Women in his life learn to always keep hands covering crotch not realizing that in his mind they are signalling "please grab my butt!". |
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| CELEBRITY HALLOWEEN The party was just for fun and they had partied together many times before but this time when one couple showed up as Kanye West and Kim Kardashian a wave of sadness and nostalgia overtook the party. Every single one of the other old white guys were over 70 post heart attack and had totally dead dicks. |
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| HILLARY CLINTON starring in THE IRON LADY When the position of Royal Ruler suddenly becomes available Hillary insists she is the most prepared and up to the challenge of leading the Iron Islands into negotiations for a mutually beneficial trade deal with the Rust Belt despite the fact a women has never before been elected leader. |
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| LUCK BE A LADY TONIGHT Lady Luck has always made her home in Vegas but when her soulmate and sister from another mother Hillary comes to town it's a whirlwind rainbow of song and dance and those long-legged ladies that aren't wearing pants. She's the hit of Strip for two solid weeks with superstar smiles and red rosy cheeks. |
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| PROGRESS FOR LESS starring HILLARY CLINTON While Flo is off on a well deserved vacation Hillary volunteers to staff the main reception desk at a huge progressive advocacy organization. Using the Progressive price comparison tool Hillary makes a convincing case for economical change but despite her best efforts sales remain flat. |
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| SHE'S A RAINBOW Hillary visits the International Pavilion Room during the World Family Conference and greets representatives of every ethnic race on earth using phrases from eleven different languages. The addition of an extraordinary group of soulful backup singers smooths her tones and makes her words flow like gospel music. |
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| BIG SHORT DANISH GIRL She's neither big nor short and she certainly isn't a Danish transgender activist but her customers all love her like their own family. Every morning for fourteen years at Hillary's Hofbrau in Hattiesburg, Mississippi she's been opening those same kitchen doors with a plate of danish and a smile as bright as day. |
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| KHALEESI 2016 CALENDER After 7 seasons the popular HBO series GAME OF THRONES finishes with the books and skips ahead 30 years. Khaleesi arrives in the New World for an appearance before the Kangaroo Kommittee. This glossy 2016 calendar pictures her dragon flame broiling a different GOP Kommittee member each month. |
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| THE GRAND INQUISITOR starring TREY GOWDY and HILLARY CLINTON After conducting the longest and least fruitful investigation in the history of government the Grand Inquisitor goes buggy as wig powder and has the former Secretary Of State taken to his secret cave in Washington Heights for an additional interrogation. |
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| MIS AMIGOS QUE SIEMPRE SON BIENVENIDOS AQUI Hillary is not necessarily known as a warm and cuddly person but when you add 13 chihuahuas to the picture she starts glowing. Latino TV viewers will find her warmth reassuring in this Spanish language biographical documentary "My Friends You Are All Welcome Here". |
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| VENGEANCE WILL BE MINE It was a grim conclusion to the busy season of Game Of Thrones spinoff series. In REVENGE SHALL BE MINE Hillary Clinton delivers the performance of a decade in a wrenching retelling of her own walk of atonement. An actress cannot be more convincing as a humiliated woman seething with thE raging conviction that her tormentors will feel her molten wrath burn through their skins like a Targaryan dragon roasting pigeon pies. TV GUIDO said after the show ended he sat awestruck for 15 minutes before writing an unusable "I love that fucking show." |
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| ENTOURAGE 4D -ENTOURAGE FOR DEMOCRACY This new MSDNC film might be classified wishful thinking but it is upbeat. Instead of attacking each other as the right wing press had been expecting the Democratic presidential candidates unite in a crusade for modernizing how America votes including automatic registration for all citizens. |
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| SONS OF THE HARPER - PAPERBACK ATTACK In yet another GAME OF THRONES spinoff the largest paperback book publisher in the seven kingdoms launches a smear attack against the queen and the adulation she receives from her subjects who love her devotedly. The Harper played by Rupert Murdoch orders his masked mercenary army to illicitly distribute a new inflammatory paperback based on false charges and smears and lacking any shred of credible evidence. |
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| Hillary Clinton shot right out the gate to take the lead. Enjoy the race from a runner's point of view with the Daily Racing Rag's LIVE RACING CAMERA... |
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| Hillary Clinton EXCLUSIVE! If everybody else had these stories they wouldn't be exclusive. |
| WORLD'S BIGGEST Each week MSDNC will feature a new person place or thing but only if it is the world's biggest. Episode One features the world's biggest bus which measures an incredible 121 feet long and has a capacity of 325 which is being custom prepared for the Hillary Clinton 2016 Presidential campaign. Since it is the world's biggest bus the campaign had thought they would only need the one bus however with the recent behavior of Republican Senators including four GOP Presidential candidates demand for $5000 contribution bus tickets has skyrocketed to the point the campaign may need five of these mega-buses to accommodate Democrats eager to start the campaign. Tickets will serve as unique cross-country bus passes and the bus or buses are scheduled to visit all key battleground states and potentially hundreds of Hillary Clinton events with enthusiastic folks boarding at every stop in America. |
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| SPRINGTIME FOR HILLARY Being the most admired woman in the world means almost anything she does will likely be turned into a movie of the week on some network or streaming video channel. In this case a simple walk in the park turned into the perfect metaphor for the contrast between political parties. A very awkward couple played by Chris Christie and Ben Carson symbolize a Republican party that still struggles internally over issues of gay marriage and persistent racism while doting grandparents Bill and Hillary Clinton make an oath to do everything possible for their first grandchild and all the future generations of America's children. |
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| JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE ELECTORATE This new series by the highly successful producers of THE GREAT RACE will start the day after the November midterm elections as both Hillary Clinton and Rand Paul aiming for 2016 will try to capture the allegiance of registered Independents who have become the largest bloc of registered voters in many states especially in the West. Hillary will go into the first episode as a heavy favorite to win the race but Rand Paul has both the easiest and toughest task ahead. Easiest because he can easily separate himself from the herd of right wing neo-con Republicans with crazy-brained unpopular policies but also hardest because he has to somehow get those same folks to support him. The real dash for the center will begin after the parties officially decide their presidential nominee. |
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| GAME OF DRAGONS is a fantastical look at the intrigue and political maneuvering involving the powerful families of an advanced civilization in a new world on the American continent which was undiscovered by those living in mythical Westeros on the other side of the planet. Scientific discoveries allow alchemists to grow dragons from prehistoric DNA and politics is changed forever. As the dragons grow in size and independence a sudden rash of grisly attacks finds multiple Tea Party loyalists incinerated and piles of ashes accumulating throughout the turbulent continent's capital city. The evil Lord Murdoch plots a revenge utilizing magical invisible rays transmitted through the atmosphere for the purpose of neutralizing the threat to his dark kingdom of mutant sycophants. Hillary Clinton does a star turn as the American Khaleesi with Bill Clinton as the wise Dragon Wrangler. |
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| POWER GIRL 2016 is from DNC Comics who jumped in and produced a new computer animated movie to fill a major void after several news networks backed out of producing competing mini-series biographies of Hillary Clinton fearing they would seem biased. The action calls for Hillary as the senior and beloved leader of the Power Girls to not only be elected as America's first female President but her crushing landslide victory also sweeps dozens of old boy legislators out of office to be replaced by Power Girls affiliated women. |
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| BGN/Beer Goggles Network launches a provocative new interview series appropriately titled BEER GOGGLES utilizing the network's patented BGC/BeerGoggleCamera and beer fueled interviews of women or men important enough to sell books on FOX opinion news shows as well as an occasional truly important person. This season Ann Coulter appears to promote her new book "Never Let A Liberal Lick Your Bookend", private citizen Hillary Clinton allows the BGC/BeerGoggleCamera to follow along on a shopping trip to Walmart and Sarah Palin makes a forceful stand to insist a Veterans War Memorial remain open for visitors until normal closing hours. |
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| Clinton Updates Tablet! Thou Shalt Elect Hillary in 2016. The Supreme Leader of Democratic politics is revered former President Bill Clinton who is pondering the path upon which to proceed that will see the statuary prophesy to fruition . July 5, 2013. Online Bible Of the Month Club |
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| Game Of Knowns! Familiar faces will reappear in coming seasons. At every turn life seems full of treachery and betrayals and yet at the same time somewhere someplace perhaps far away perhaps nearby a new reason for hope takes flight. Hope for a free and prosperous era of liberty and dignity and void of the slave masters who oppress so many and fill their lives with hardship and suffering. June 9, 2013. Westeros Raven Reporter |
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| Daily Racing Rag SPECIAL REPORT: The 2008 Presidential Campaign of Senator Hillary Clinton D-NY |
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 Hillary Wins South DakotaClinton finishes the long campaign with an upset victory... After 17 months the closest Democratic primary race in history has ended. June 3, 2008. South Dakota Derby Winners Circle |
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| Hillary Wins Puerto Rico "La Vida Loca" of Hillary's historic campaign is almost over... Ricky Martin provided the music and promised to never support another Republican. June 1, 2008. San Clinton Beach Resort |
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| Peace Process Begins Nobel Peace Prize winner to help negotiate end of conflict... Former President Jimmy Carter says he's certain everything can be resolved and Democratic party unity achieved. May 26, 2008. Carter Center Dispute Resoultion Arena and OTB |
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| Hillary Wins West Virginia Senator Clinton deserves her victory lap in West Virginia... Hillary's supporters get at least one more day to celebrate. Now on to Kentucky. May 13, 2008. West Virginia Democratic Derby |
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| Hillary Digs Down Deep Senator Clinton has deep support and leads in West Virginia... Hillary proudly claims that she's a cousin of coal miners daughter who knows how to stand by her man. May 11, 2008. West Virginia Coalition for Coal and Clinton |
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| Hillary Outswum In Guam Obama paddles hard for slim 7 vote victory in Guam Derby... Obama has now swept all of the oceanic island aquatic equestrian Democratic party primary and caucus races. May 3, 2008. Seahorse Park, Island of Guam |
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| Bigger Balls Than Rocky North Carolina Governor Mike Easley endorses Hillary Clinton... Easley, who previously endorsed Edwards, went on to say "This here lady makes Rocky Balboa look like a pansy." April 30, 2008. Clinton High School Auditorium Clinton NC |
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| Mile High Club Debate? Hillary says how about doing it one mile high in a helicopter?... Hillary says other possible locations include on the back of a flat bed truck, on a park bench or in the back of a minivan. She says Pastor Wright can also come too... April 27, 2008. Indianapolis Hotel Helipad |
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| He Says We Did It Enough Barack says no because they've done it more than 20 times... Hillary says one more time for old times sake, Barack says enough is enough... April 26, 2008. Indy Brew 102 Motel and OTB |
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| She Wants To Do It Again Once Hillary debated Barack there was no going back... Hillary says let's do it again anytime or anywhere... April 25, 2008. Indy 500 Seat Convention Hall Indianapolis |
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| HRC Rings Liberty Bell Hillary wins Pennsylvania Blue Collar Derby by 10 lengths... "The American people don't quit. And they deserve a President who doesn't quit either..." April 22, 2008. Pennsylvania Park |
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| Hillary Ready For Hunt Senator Clinton not bitter but loves guns and God anyway... The controversy over Obama's "bitter" comments continued with Hillary's demonstration that she's no elitist... April 15, 2008. Penn Gun Shop, Saloon and OTB |
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| Hillary Promises Artillery Pennsylvania pistol makers can count on big orders forever... Good old American hard work and ingenuity has helped supply the entire world's urgent need for still more weapons. Senator Clinton says we need those jobs now more than ever.... April 8, 2008. Pennsylvania Armory Museum |
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| Dems Use Gutter Tactics Both Hillary and Obama throw campaign gutter balls... Insiders say they are trying to demonstrate that they are human and regular folks by being bad bowlers... April 7, 2008. Pittsburg Blue Collar Lanes and OTB |
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| Hillary Stays On Message Senator says bread and butter issues build strong muscles... Hillary is reaching out to hardworking Pennsylvanians who dislike weakness, especially in the economy. March 12, 2008. Pittsburgh Power Gym and OTB |
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| Hillary Empowers Women Clinton agenda asks women to help make America stronger... Cowboy diplomacy and that annoying cocksure swagger are failures. Hillary says America will come back after Bush finally goes back to the ranch for good. March 7, 2008. Pennsylvania Bodybuilders for Rebuilding America (PBRA) Conference |
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| Baby's Come Back Hillary rides thrilling victories in Ohio, Rhode Island, Texas... Senator Clinton has won brand new life and this Democratic horserace is far from over. March 4, 2008. Ohio Derby Grandstand |
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| All Hell Breaks Loose Texas Democrats torn apart over Obama or Clinton decision... Barack Obama has caught and past Hillary Clinton in the latest polls going into Tuesday's primary and caucus. March 1, 2008. Texas Political BBQ HQ and OTB |
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| No More Mrs. Niceguy Hillary apologizes for being too nice and promises to battle... After 10 consecutive primary defeats Senator Clinton realizes that she has to get tough and go after the frontrunner Obama or her odds are long. February 24, 2008. Ohio Downs Morning Workouts |
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| Hillary Takes It To Texas Senator must win or go home on the horse she rode in on... New York Senator Hillary Clinton has a well organized campaign and many of her most loyal voter groups but the exploding Obama bandwagon may be impossible for her to stop. February 20, 2008. El Paso Equestrian Arena and OTB |
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| Hillary Delegates Victory New York and California wins give Hillary the most delegates... New York Senator Hillary Clinton picked up enough convention delegates in yesterday's Super Duper 22 race card to be the overall leader. However, Obama won 13 of the 22 state races on the day. February 6, 2008. New York Aqueduct Raceway |
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| Hillary Focused On Victory Senator Clinton always first on track for morning workouts... Hillary's Hall of Fame trainer and former President, Bill Clinton, knows these final days before the Super Duper Derby on February 5th are crucial and says all eyes are on the prize and they're ready to run... January 23, 2008. America Downs Morning Workouts |
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| Hillary Wins Nevada Game Clinton and Obama split all delegates, Edwards shut out... Hillary managed to lower expexctations again making the victory seem surprising and giving the impression that she's really got momentum for the coming high stakes games... January 19, 2008. Las Vegas Billion Dollar Poker Causcus |
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| Bill's Riding Shotgun "Hillary Clinton is more important than Sarah Connor, baby"... The Vice Presidential candidate is traditionally assigned the attack dog role. However, Bill has taken up the job for now and has repeatedly flashed anger in defense of Hillary... January 18, 2008. Las Vegas Convention Center Lethal Weaponry Show |
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| Hillary Played Kitty Card Hillary's softer side won women voters in New Hampshire... When Senator Clinton teared up answering a question hearts were fluttering all over New Hampshire. As many as 10,000 votes may have swung to Hillary in the final two days of her victorious New Hampshire campaign. January 9, 2008. National Kitty Photo Day |
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| Hillary Wins Photo Finish Obama eases up at wire and Hillary scoots by on the rail... Everybody thought that Barack Obama had won New Hampshire but Hillary staged an emotional last second comeback victory that shocked just about everybody. January 8, 2008. Manchester Downs Derby Day Press Box |
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| Hillary Takes Down Obama Debate in New Hampshire features takedowns on flipflops... Senator Clinton was on the offensive to prove she deserves a victory in what has become a smackdown cage match with Senator Obama. January 6, 2008. New Hampshire Debate Derby Paddock Area |
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| Hillary Ready For Stretch New Hampshire and Iowa campaigns sprint to the wire... With just two weeks remaining Senator Hillary Clinton is running about a half length ahead in New Hampshire and a half length behind in Iowa... December 20, 2007. Iowa Downs Raceway and Fairgrounds |
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 Performance EnhancedSubstance and amity found in final Iowa Democratic debate... Iowans say the candidates should be that nice to each other more often. One woman said the candidates were so pleasant it was like they were on the same medication she uses. December 14, 2007. Johnson City Raceway OTB |
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| Bus Drivers For Hillary Clinton endorsed by bus drivers union. Bus riders undecided... Spokesman Ralph Kramden arrived on time to say the union would help shuttle Clinton's campaign to a primary victory and then drive a 1000 bus caravan to the White House in 2008. November 30, 2007. Des Moines Downtown Bus Depot OTB |
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| Foe's Fuss Over Fuzz Edwards says Hillary is fuzzy, Giuliani says her hair is frizzy... The frontrunner reacted calmly to the critcism saying her goal is to find solutions to fuzzy issues but apologized for a bad hair day saying "My hair was not at it's best". November 10, 2007. Des Moines Beauty College and Laundromat OTB |
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| Birthday Cake Fire Rages Hillary's giant 60th birthday cake briefly flames out of control... The blaze was roaring until with Bill's help Hillary was able to blow out the candles. Official estimates ranged up to 200,000 calories as large sections of the vanilla cake were consumed. October 26, 2007. Manchester Downs Turf Club Banquet Room |
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| Ancient Debate On Island? Ancient island idol bears striking resemblance to Hillary... One native island psychic claims Hillary may be the reincarnated Queen of the lost continent of Atlantis Morrisette. October 16, 2007. Eastern Islands Archipelago OTB |  |
| Hillary Raises $27 Million Senator Clinton raises the stakes $27 million for 3rd quarter... Hillary Clinton continues collecting enough chips from individual contributions to use many of the high stakes game playing tactics those chips can afford. October 3, 2007. Dogwood Downs Casino and Poker Club |
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| Hillary Builds Brick House Senator Clinton racks up bricklayers union endorsement... 100,000 International Union of Bricklayers and Craftworkers members looked at all sides of the issues and they stacked up overwhelmingly for Clinton's positions. September 25, 2007. Bricklayer's Convention Atlantic City Racebook Bar |  |
| Hillary Won't Go There Senator Clinton tells magazine she's definitely not a lesbian... "People will say what they're going to say". Hillary added that she is grateful for her many friends and supporters who choose alternative lifestyles but she has a horny hubby at home. September 21, 2007. Fire Island Raceway Fashion Boutique |  |
| Clintons Out Together Clintons emphasize unity and teamwork on campaign trail... Hillary and Bill wore matching powder blue outfits as Hillary said that Democrats will need to unite like never before to undo the damage done by the Bush administration. August 21, 2007. Granite Downs Paddock Area |
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| It Takes An Island Clintons fly south to swank island resort for spring break... In a big budget remake of an episode previously seen on the TV show "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous"... Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton and daughter Chelsea were off on a fabulous getaway holiday at the luxury island resort home of fashion designer Oscar de la Renta, Hillary's unofficial Secretary of Fashion. April 25, 2007. Dominican Downs Clubhouse |  |
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