John Boehner - Special Report - DailyRacingRag.com

ROAD TO BENGHAZI Trey Gowdy and John Boehner star in this classic combination road and buddy movie. They set out for Benghazi with no idea where they're going or what they're looking for but they promise their Republican pals it will take until election day in November 2016 to get where they're going.

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SCHLOMO In this new FOX WHITE drama actor Schlong John Boehner ambitiously tackles the world stage by portraying a hapless Rabbi wannabe impersonator visiting Israel named Schlomo. Sharing a name with Sigmund Freud might make some people introspective but Schlomo will have none of it. His righteous certainty and commitment convinces Israeli agents to grant a private audience with the Israeli Prime minister where Schlomo reveals his recurring intuitive vision that the world is on fire and only a preemptive nuclear holocaust can prevent a nuclear holocaust. Bibi tells Schlomo he's working on it and orders more wine but his mind starts buzzing with the possibilities of employing Schlomo on a secret mission in America.

LAST DAY IN HELL Being a speaker for a terrorist organization is a thankless job as Jihadi John Boehner finds out in this grim new drama. Targeted for a coup by the American Tea Taliban for not being terrifying enough Jihadi John feels unappreciated. After the thousands of public lies he's told requiring sincere creative efforts he is rewarded with contempt from all sides especially by those he's tried hardest to appease. Despondent and pondering his future as bartender in his little dive bar back in East Cincinnati Boehner makes one last ruthless attempt to satisfy the Obamahate of his American Tea Taliban tormenters.

BOEHNER CAVES President Obama is able to make two constituent groups happy with one signature designating America's newest national monument. Boehner Caves National Monument is located in the ancient landscape of the northeast corner of New Mexico. Locked in a box canyon and accessible by only one road the monument consists of a complex matrix of caves both above and below ground level and 456 acres of the surrounding grassy area that is feed by a natural spring. Obama also declares the monument a permanent refuge for retired circus elephants and 13 elephants from Barnum and Bailey's circus immediately move into the caves. These hard working senior elephants seem as delighted with their new home as the animal rights activists and environmentalists who are present and in fine spirits.

CSI UNITED STATES CONGRESS TV's favorite familiar crime drama franchise expands to Washington D.C. and specifically to the halls of the United States Congress which many consider the home of many of the biggest crimes in American history. After gaining power over both the House and Senate many Republicans thought they might be able to implement the GOP billionaire sponsored agenda but petty infighting and squabbling within the GOP immediately escalates like a power struggle in a third world drug cartel and brings all governance to a standstill. When the Department of Homeland Security is shut down as a result of stubborn Tea Party types refusal to compromise law enforcement warns Congress they are endangering the lives of Americans but nothing is done and when the deadly and inevitable result occurs Congressional leaders are left sobbing and crying like impotent incompetent jackasses. Rated R for violence bad language and patriotic revulsion.

THE BIBI AND BOBO SHOW Plot details have not been released and with no advance screenings top TV critic TV Guido said he has no idea what the hell is going on with this made-for-TV movie other than two clowns go to absurd lengths to either intimidate or embarrass the President of the United States for their own personal political purposes. It sounds like a cheap unfunny horror story and that can't be good for either clowns or viewers.

ALLEGIANCE This suspense-packed thriller may be the best spy story since SKYFALL and will surely rank high on year-end movie lists next year. An ex-American running for office in a foreign country conspires with an eager traitor to undermine the President of the United States. In exchange for a promise of an exclusive liquor franchise in future occupied territories John Boehner played perfectly by John Boehner assists Bibi Netanyahu in manipulating his country's elections. More than that this is a classic bromance novel between and all-American nut and yahoo and his kindred spirit an ex-American foreign politician and alleged war criminal named Netanyahu.

I'M YOUR DADDY, DUMMY This animated/live action movie really is politics for dummies under a different name as Charles Koch played by himself is incredulous when John Boehner starts complaining that he can't be told what to do. Charles explains with a pine log for brains Boehner is incapable of grasping too much at once but he better behave or he'll go face first into the wood chipper where Eric Cantor disappeared. Boehner ultimately takes to his tasks with joy despite a lack of feeling in his wooden toes.

BOEHNER'S BARTENDER Ripped from the headlines faster than LAW and ORDER in hyperdrive this true crime drama takes literary license with the facts and situations but Boehner's bantering and belligerence drives one Cincinnati Hills Country Club bartender berserk. The bartender plots to poison Boehner with some pills and then tie him up and take him to the Cincinnati Aquarium and dump him unconscious into the shark tank to be eaten. A federal crime. The bartender listens as Boehner moans "Obama this Obama that" and when he finally can't take another goddam word he implements his plan. Things turn violent when the club security guard played by Johnny Bench spots the bartender trying to drag a nearly passed out Boehner into a stolen golf cart. Intense action and bad language.

DUMBER AND DUMBER In yet another movie sequel to the original Mitch McConnell and John Boehner are back with a new plan to kill the Affordable Care Act a.k.a Obamacare. This time they hope to do it through the Supreme Court and embark on a journey to persuade each of the nine Supreme Court Justices one at a time. Hilarity ensues as this pair of knuckleheads seek the cancellation of their own healthcare coverage with absolutely no plan to replace it with anything at all.

MASQUERADE This is the fourth time John Boehner has hosted the annual GOP Masquerade. Every New Year's Eve the Republicans get together in costume to celebrate another year of pretending to care about anything other than partisan politics and anti-Obama rhetoric but at least when Boehner is hosting there are no fewer than six open bars which definitely fuels the fun. This is must see TV if you have nothing else to do but watch TV on New year's Eve.

GROUNDHOG DAY AGAIN In this new television series John Boehner reprises his role as the official spokesman and designated super villain for the billionaire Koch Brothers and the right wing Republican political establishment as they continue their quest for more and more power. Boehner's Washington D.C. conniving antihero character is no Kevin Spacey but his improbable antics and drama are amusing enough despite the script and it's limitations repeating nearly unchanged every episode.

BOEHNER'S BEACH This new Lifeline movie starts with John Boehner telling two Latino's lobbyists to piss off by saying "su problema es no mi problema". A spiteful Boehner then leaves Washington D.C on a five week vacation without implementing action on the border crisis or immigration reform and heads for a private casino resort in the Caribbean to get drunk on rum, gamble and carouse with gorgeous Hispanic party girls. After being a complete dick for days the soothing tropical ocean breezes start to mellow Boehner and he becomes fond of one of the female staff despite her constant begging for immigration assistance for her niece who is a refugee being held in Texas. Incredible sex has a soul-searching Boehner feeling like a new man but he wonders how he can continue his current despicable and dishonest role in American politics.

THE AMBULANCE CHASER is a new Lifeline Channel movie starring John Boehner as a lawyer wannabe who starts suing everybody from his parent's estate to the neighborhood handyman to his chiropractor cousin. As his frivolous law suits near the 100 mark without success Boehner finally wins one after being sprayed with orange dye by a Pakistani dry cleaner. Emboldened by his success Boehner faces his biggest challenge ever as he files a law suit against the President of the United States.

REPUBLICAN GAME NIGHT with Reince Priebus Reince Priebus gets busier every day. Republican game night is Priebus second time around as a TV game show host on the FOX WHITE CHANNEL having previously hosted ELEPHANT SQUARES last year. This time around the games and contestants vary from week to week and some games are for special guests only. Opening week features a dunk tank with John Boehner as the target and a new version of the American classic Whac-A-Mole where guests pop up and have one second to name either a policy found in the GOP platform or two FOX NEWS fake Obama scandals.

ORANGE IS THE NEW RED Football movies may not be your thing but this one is guaranteed to exceed your expectations. After a crazed Indian chief played by Bobby Jindal seizes hostages including the Brawny paper towel guy played by Rick Perry and presents a list of demands, billionaire tycoon David Koch Charles played by Kevin Costner orders his Washington D.C go-to-guy Speaker John Boehner to purchase the Washington Redskins football team and rename them the Washington Orange. Meanwhile the player's frustration builds as they continue their losing ways despite the new team colors. When it is discovered that the team's top draft pick was born in Canada to Cuban parents and faces deportation for a drug offense David Koch Charles orders Boehner to allow an open vote on immigration reform and history is made.

INSURGENCY - THE REVOLUTION BEGINS is a fast paced political action series that will take on HOMELAND in an increasingly crowded genre. Joking it was the only way to negotiate with President Obama the House GOP leadership grew their beards out over the summer leading up to the midterm election. But when the National Rifle Association honored Islam as the world's most pro gun religion a behind the scenes coup began taking shape. The Republican party had already moved right of the Taliban but it took a bumper Afghanistan heroin crop to out spend the established international oligarch interests running the country from afar. After the election the House leadership suddenly seizes control of the American government and heads literally roll down Pennsylvania Ave. Rated Bloody.

WAR HORSE 2 - THE BATTLE OF BENGHAZI is the expected sequel to the first Benghazi conspiracy series which still hasn't ended yet and FOX will probably air both shows twice daily despite duplicate vacuous content. How they can fill the air time is a miracle of modern television and imagination considering the first 18 months of a $16 million Congressional investigation and 2000 hours of intense on air discussion have yet to find any hint of any crime and in fact no one has ever been accused of any crime. Still the series is already scheduled to run until at least November 2016 and possibly for another 4 to 8 years thereafter. In episode number 402 John Boehner denies he and Darrell Issa are beating a dead horse because technically their subject Equus mortis benghazii is now closer to a fossil.

BENGHAZI TRAIN is the title of a heavy metal masterpiece still popular enough to play in continuous loop and frequently live on the new FOX WHITE concert channel. Boehner is taking his argument to a new deep dark musical level in the coming 15th official Congressional Benghazi Investigation. Critics say Republicans are going off the rails on a crazy train but Boehner knows the people don't care so long as it rocks boulder size balls. To hear a monster orgasmic version of BENGHAZI TRAIN featuring one of the best deceased guitarists to have ever lived click here and turn up the sound.

DRAFT DAY is a dramatic behind the scenes look at a day in the life of the highly paid members of the current Republican House Caucus in Washington D.C. Despite being in the majority they accomplish next to nothing and this drama although sympathetic reveals more than a clue as to why. The group starts their day with donuts and coffee and then a couple of hours of receiving visits from lobbyists and campaign contributors. Then about 11:30 they head over to the Speaker's Speakeasy Tavern where every day is draft day for Republicans and they belly up on Boehner's Draft Beer which is served on tap and is only $2 during Happy Hour which usually means daytime. Every day at four o'clock Boehner rings the bell and holds a glass mug of beer high in the air and bellows loudly "Gentlemen let's draft some legislation!" to which a huge eruption of laughter always follows and everybody then takes a huge swig of Boehner's Draft Beer. Rich dialog and eccentric characters make this film an entertaining diversion.

SIGNS starring John Boehner is a brand new movie ripped from the headlines at record speed. A schizophrenic deaf language interpreter is given a second chance and comes to America where he receives high praise for his spot on interpretations of Speaker Boehner's remarks in which he angrily blasts Heritage Foundation and other private conservative groups for opposing a bipartisan budget agreement before it's contents were revealed. Boehner in a loud actors stage voice declares those groups are ridiculous and have absolutely zero credibility. And in a pivotal scene when Boehner is asked if he worries about what those groups will think Boehner in his best Clark Gable/Brett Butler voice bellows "I don't give a damn what they think!". Heritage Foundation's stranglehold on a pissed off Boehner is officially dead and gone with the wind.

IN CASE OF NO CLUE is the latest in the timeless detective series as Sherlock Holmes attempts to help befuddled Republicans who have been flummoxed by the impossibility of convincing anybody that their billionaire's wet dream budget plan is anything but a people destroying destructive mean clusterfuck of anti-American ideology in the service of pure greed by the worst of the omnipotent few who own America. New polls show that 76% of Americans now have a negative opinion of the Republican Party and that number is increasing with each new poll.

In this movie John Boehner agrees to guest host LETS MAKE A DEAL. World famous for his negotiating skills John Boehner will get a three week guest hosting gig to show off his bargaining prowess and to practice his television sales chops as future spokesman for Bounty paper towels and Koch Industries. Boehner's special guest host appearance could start as soon as the federal government reopens.

DUMB AND DUMBER IN WASHINGTON D.C. arrives just in time to lighten the mood before suicidal Republicans force the United States government into default in order to protest Obamacare. While the pair's movie shenanigans are outrageous they are no less outrageous or dumb than their recent actions in real life.

Inspired by real life events producers from two hit shows have announced a merger and intend to produce a brand new spin off series entitled BREAKING BOEHNER CRIMINAL MIND in which a prominent conservative Republican politician played by John Boehner as himself drinks the tea and goes beyond mad loses his soul and to be sure... mayhem ensues as atrocities accumulate.

THE BOEHNER ULTIMATUM is now playing on the FOX WHITE CHANNEL and in the bubble. An embattled Speaker Boehner agonizes over his predicament but has no empathy left within him and ultimately decides to murder his hostages. Boehner then goes berserk when he finds out his weapon is loaded with cartoon blanks. Boehner's rage is unleashed and millions of lives are potentially threatened.

JOHN BOEHNER'S BIG BANG THEORY is now playing on the FOX WHITE CHANNEL. Speaker Boehner swears he'll never bring a knife to a gunfight and intends to negotiate as tough as a suicide bomber itching to die. Boehner says he might slaughter hostages like sausages if he doesn't get his way. If you like way over the top drama this show will have it as Boehner's motorcycle jumps the shark in the opening scene.

Television has been flooded by countless promo spots of John Boehner's encore presentation of HOSTAGES. Tea Party extortionists have the dirt to destroy Boehner's Speaker position and his career. Treasonous House GOP Tea Party terrorists have demanded Boehner adopt their wish list on both the CR and raising the debt ceiling or they will destroy him personally and sabotage the U.S. economy. In the premiere episode of HOSTAGES! The Tea Party is holding Boehner's family hostage and if he doesn't find a way to kill Obamacare his family may be killed.

After accidentally maiming a woodcarver in a price dispute at an arts and crafts fair in the Pacific Northwest a remorseful Woolverine always wearing his trademark sheepskin befriends the dying woodcarver and learns his woodcarver skills quickly. After his death the Woolverine is visited by a slightly annoyed angelic apparition (played by Nancy Reagan) and he promises to commit all of his time to finishing a life size elephant carving for the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library in Simi Valley California.

Agent Whitey Whitehorse has made a career out of covering his butt at the agency but this season he is really up to his hips in out of control chaos. His plan is no plan but he can't come clean or he could lose his job and government health insurance prescription drug benefit that keeps his embarrassing orange skin condition under control. Whitey has vowed that being orange is not an option... no matter what.

Royal Baby Boehner Makes Pouty Face! Says no to immigrants. The Royal Baby House Speaker John Boehner cried No! No! No! to the Senate passed immigration reform bill and promised to do nothing to pass similar legislation in the House this year. July 20, 2013. Washington Nanny News

Rolling Stoned! Both Republican and conservative outrage over recent magazine covers builds. Angry birds always looking for something to dump on have their tail feathers all aflutter over two recent controversial Rolling Stone magazine cover photos. July 16, 2013. Magazine Management Monthly

Ohio Man Gets Caught Up In Game! Bar owner squanders life savings of employees to win giant stuffed banana. Archie Assclown said he was trying to win an entertainment system for his bar at the Washington D.C. carnival when things got out of control. May 1, 2013. DC Banana Republican

GOP Stooges Block Vote In House! Boehner still holding middle class tax cuts hostage!
If Speaker Boehner would allow a House vote on the Senate passed bill to continue the tax cuts for 98% of Americans and 97% of small businesses the bill would pass but Boehner could possibly lose his position as Speaker in an angry right wing mutiny. As usual, tea party Republicans in the House have put their own personal political agenda above the well being of the American people December 10, 2012. Stooge House News

Boehner Takes Hostages! Speaker backstabs American middle class for billionaire bosses! Republicans in the House led by Republican cartel leader John Boehner are holding 98% of working Americans and 97% of small businesses hostage in their mercenary war against the results of the last election. President Obama campaigned on the tax issue for months and voters overwhelmingly voted to raise tax rates on the billionaire robber barons who employ Boehner and his fellow Republicans now turned hostage takers. December 8, 2012. Capitol Crime Log

House Republicans Gangnam Style! Can they get their act together in time? Celebrity psychologists agree group dance lessons are a great way to get a divided and partisan House to see the need to work together. November 21, 2012. Capital Dance Digest

Boehner says his number one priority is blocking tax hikes on billionaires like the Koch brothers. The Koch Brothers invested $400 million in support of Republicans losing effort to defeat President Obama and completely paid for John Boehner's reelection. Despite President Obama's huge election victory Boehner dismisses any chance of compromise concerning a tax hike on the billionaire brothers. Boehner says that's why he was paid to be reelected and voters don't pay his bills and bar tab but the Koch brothers do.
November 10, 2012. Congressional Whiskey Bar

Angry Boehner Demands More Cuts At National Arboretum! Speaker promises another possible government shutdown over debt limit. The last time Republicans used Boehner's belligerent strategy the credit rating of the United States was downgraded and the debt was actually bigger as a result even with a trillion dollars in cuts. Boehner has been a complete failure and disaster as Speaker of the House and has caused great harm to the economy and well being of the American people. Hopefully, his days as Speaker are numbered. June 3, 2012. American Chainsaw Monthly

GOP Adopts Mayan Calendar! House Republicans play for end of the world. Republicans say the world will end if President Obama is re-elected and claim the Mayan calendar backs them up. Many Republicans fear this election may be their last chance at the glory of victory. March 30, 2012. End Of Days Party News

Republican's election strategy goes to shit!

Emergency GOP Strategy Session!
Unemployment lowest since Obama took office!
Up until the latest jobs numbers came out, the GOP strategy was simple; Congressional obstructionism to everything President Obama proposes, spreading the message of pessimism and doom, discouraging businesses to hire or invest by creating artificial crisis after crisis in Congress and hoping that the slowly recovering economy tailspins into the toilet just in time for the 2012 elections in November. The possibility of a rapidly improving economy on election day has a stooge fest of GOP Congressional leaders plotting to increase their ongoing sabotage of the U.S. economy in order to win more seats and more power.
February 3, 2011. Congressional Stooge News

Grandma Saves Christmas! Speaker's toy train unplugged. Tea Party freshmen paddled and sent to bed. Grandma had had enough. She's got photos that make the Tea Party blackmail photos of Boehner look like Valentine's Day cards by comparison. Boehner knew his balls had been busted by Grandma so he backed the bus up and within 24 hours the House revived the dead payroll tax cut holiday and unemployment benefits extension bill, passed it and sent it to the President for his signature. 3 million unemployed Americans will not have their benefits terminated and the federal payroll tax holiday for 160 million Americans was saved just in time for a Merry Christmas. A tearful Boehner said he was sorry and left the room.
December 24, 2011. E-Blackmail Holiday News

GOP Christmas cards arrive at 160 million homes!

GOP Christmas Card Arrives At 160 Million Homes!
Coal lump not included.
This year's holiday Christmas card photo shows beaming Republican leaders and GOP Tea Party freshman basking in the attention of the media. "We must be more popular than Jesus Christ because, Jesus Christ, look at all these television cameras!" thought more than one wide-eyed attention addicted GOP Tea Party freshman as the Speaker announced he would not allow an up or down vote to take place on the compromise bill that the Senate passed 89-10. The federal payroll tax holiday is dead. Oh come all ye faithful...
December 23, 2011. National Scoundrel Daily

Impotent Boehner Public Enemy Number One!
Herpes virus more popular than Speaker. He was for the bill before he was against it! After the Senate passed the compromise bill and left town hysterical Tea Party freshman got their blackmail photos out and Boehner back stabbed America and changed his mind and went back on his word and betrayed his oath of office and back stabbed 160 million Americans. The federal payroll tax holiday and unemployment benefits are about to end thanks to John Boehner.
December 22, 2011. National Scoundrel Daily

Ape House Revolt!
Caesar, Cantor impotent as Republican Tea Party monkeys pee in pool.
The federal payroll tax holiday and unemployment benefits may die in the house. Up to 160 million U.S. zoo patrons may be affected by the latest anti-social bad behavior and antics of GOP Tea Party monkeys.
December 19, 2011. National Monkey News

Drunken Boehner Confesses His Sins!
I'm a douche bag and have been a liar my whole life.
I grew up around my Dad's bar where he made me mop up after drunks who had pissed all over the bathroom. I used to pick up their wallets and steal their cash. I learned how to bullshit at a young age and that's all I ever do now.
October 9, 2011. Congressional Whiskey Bar.

GOP Tea Party Freshman Gives Debt A Bad Rap!
Allen West gets down on debt with a thumpa-thumpa booming bass line and a hip-hop beat. West has a natural talent for audacious promotion and finding the tv camera spotlight. He calls his plan "Cut, Cap and Bitchslap".
September 3, 2011. Cut, Cap and Bitchslap

GOP freshman Allen West gives debt a bad rap.

She's Gonna Blow!
Government shutdown brewing as Speaker Boehner may be losing control of new emotions bubbling up. Republican Tea Party caucus members have defied their Speaker by pushing for a full blown government shutdown. A real life game of crazy chicken has pushed the situation to the boiling point and threatens to make a watery soup of the nation's economic recovery.
February 27, 2011. Tea Party 1st Annual Bonfire

Showdown brewing while Boehner fights to hold back tears!

SUPER BOWL SCANDAL! Conservative Congressman Christopher Lee R-NY sacked.
Lee was playing for sex via Craig's List when his careless email including a shirtless photo was intercepted. Lee, who is 46 and married, claimed to be 39 and single while looking for a conservative adulterous relationship based on trust and family values. February 9, 2011. GOP X-List

Hefty Tax Cuts For GOP Millionaires!
Boehner calls tax cuts for 98% of Americans "chicken crap". Despite more than two-thirds of the country against tax cuts for millionaires, including the majority of Tea Party voters, the GOP leadership of John Boehner in the House and Mitch McConnell in the Senate have made extending tax cuts for millionaires their number one priority. To the GOP nothing is more important than tax cuts for the superrich.
December 4, 2010. GOP Society Weekly

GOP announces tax cuts for millionaires as #1 national priority.

John Boehner is ready to step into Nancy Pelosi's role as Speaker of the House

Eager Boehner Ready To Fill Pelosi Shoes!
Takes Pelosi's job with GOP takeover. John Boehner has been in Washington D.C. a long time and knows the game. After a quick makeover he will become the most powerful member of the House.
November 1, 2010. Washington D.C. Government Clothing Mall