2012HORSERACE.COM - FINAL RESULTS - July 30, 2012 thru November 7, 2012

Forward! President Obama Wins Second Term! America has chosen a democracy with a President of the people and for the people... AND ...America has rejected a plutocracy ruled by billionaires who are catered to by Republican Koch-sucking stooges in Congress and a "Rubberstamp Romney" in the White House. We endorsed the re-election of President Obama and the ouster of every Republican member of Congress and celebrate the results of the November 6, 2012 election as a victory for America and the American people. November 7, 2012. Daily Racing Rag

Republican Turkeys Got The Bird! Tea party juvenile delinquents voted out of office.
The GOP all-white meat turkey menu got whiter as Florida psychopath Allen West was tossed out with the garbage. November 16, 2012. Boneless Minority Report

Disaster Gives Tagg's Career A Boost! Paul Ryan and Tagg Romney to tour Sandy disaster areas for awesome photos ops! Paul Ryan's photographers have gotten great footage of Ryan with his broom pretending to help clean up storm damage. The area behind the Romney compound had previously been cleaned up but that was where the director wanted to shoot because of good lighting. The big news for Tagg was that he has booked performances at several benefit concerts to be held in Republican leaning counties that sustained storm or flood damage. Tagg was delighted and says this is just the break his singing career needed and finally he can now be accepted for his true talent. Tagg says he's inspired by his Dad who also has been striving for superstar status his entire life. November 1, 2012. FOX Music & Boobs News

Romney Blasts President Obama For Not Catching Abu Nazir! Obama blames TiVo! Mitt Romney is now chasing low information voters who are too clueless too make up their own minds and have become FOX news terrorist cells not knowing their minds have been made up for them. These folks are clearly stupid enough to believe anything including any line of bullshit Mitt Romney or FOX news can make up. Romney doesn't care if voters find out after the election that Abu Nazir has been effectively contained in the Showtime television series "Homeland" and has suggested that Abu Nazir was behind the embassy attack in Benghazi. October 31, 2012. MyFOX Terrorizer app

Presidents endorse President Obama! Presidential Mascots unanimous for Obama! Presidential mascot George Washington was the most vocal in denouncing Romney as a traitor and criminal. The revolution was fought to get rid of an elite ruling class that treated human beings like cattle and now here comes Mitt Romney to pervert everything America is supposed to stand for. And for God's sake all that lying makes me want to kill. Jefferson added that to put one of America's most dishonest and greediest criminals into the White House amounts to treason and the path to a new American revolution that will be many times bloodier than the original.
October 30, 2012. National Mascot News

Mitt's Pals Make $134 Million Off Campaign... So Far! Bain Capital buddies set up political firms to spend political contributions and siphon off huge profits win or lose! Not only will Mitt's closest campaign benefactors reap huge tax windfalls if Mitt wins they are making millions of dollars right now on consulting fees, polling services, video production and a very healthy chunk of Bain style "other expenses". The Bain boys who double as Mitt's top campaign cronies have license to loot Romney

campaign funds just like they've done to hundreds of businesses for over 25 years. Mitt's top campaign cronies steer hundreds of millions of dollars in campaign cash to their own firms and the longer the campaign goes on the more money they make. These are the same Romney associates that Romney taught how to set up sham companies in the Cayman Islands and elsewhere for the sole purpose of evading U.S. taxes. Fans of Romney find comfort in the fact that only Romney could figure out how to finance the first presidential campaign to make a hundred million dollar profit for it's investors even if the candidate loses.
October 29, 2012. Amazin' Money

Eastwood Haunted By Thousands Of Voices! Movie star pushed to the brink of incivility. Ghosts are not dumber than living people but are often much more confused. Many ghosts now believe Clint Eastwood can hear them and he can but they're driving him crazy. He doesn't want to deliver any goddam messages to anybody's goddam loved ones and he wishes the goddam ghosts would leave him the hell alone. October 28, 2012. Living Spaces Stage Blog

Wealthy Country Club Cougars Hot For Mitt! He's rich, he's white, he's rich! Wealthy country club cougars are not concerned that Mitt Romney will restrict their reproductive rights because so many of them are past the age of menopause and besides they have fabulous amounts of money to fly anywhere for any medical procedure they choose. More important is keeping tax rates on the income of wealthy country club cougars ridiculously low so wealthy chaffeur driven country club cougars can maintain their regimen of botox injections, spa treatments and cosmetic surgery. October 28, 2012. Holmby Hills Bugle

Ann Comes Out In New Magazine Debut! Rupert Murdoch personally edits premiere issue. Even before Mitt Romney's visions of political grandeur became reality the Romney's lived a life of spectacular luxury whenever and wherever they chose. In this slick new glossy magazine and pricy subscription website Rupert Murdoch is able to share a glimpse of the ridiculously rich and incredibly exclusive pleasures and perks that come with immense power and wealth to a ravenous audience of rich wannabees worldwide. Murdoch simply replaces his ancient aged face with prettier plutocrats and like all 1634 publishing entities owned by Murdoch there will be plenty of celebrity boob pics and gossip. Donald Trump reportedly has a huge surprise that will shock America to be revealed in the second issue. October 28, 2012. My Rich Magazine

Mitty Wants Tariffs And Cannonballs! Cutting taxes on the rich, restricting rights of workers and women top priorities for 1912. Romney says we need more horses, bayonets, ships and telegraph operators but no more women teachers or aviators because a woman's place is at home and not in the workplace. Romney also endorsed imported Chinese labor where negro prison labor is in short supply and called for prohibiting the use of alcohol, tobacco and carbonated beverages. Mitty promised he would not go to war for Europe but called for production of more cannonballs.
October 28, 1912. Daily Extra Gazette

Future News Extra! Recap The Bully Puppet! Roosevelt used bully pulpit for good, Romney was a bully puppet of billionaires! Like an answer to the purchase order prayers of the Koch Brothers and Grover Norquist, Mitt Romney was a right wing rubber stamp in the complete downsizing and liquidation sale of the American middle class. A homeless mob recently burned the never opened Romney Presidential Library to the ground. October 22, 2026. Time Magazine Future Edition

Hello Mitty! Romney morphs again and endorses President's foreign policy! More than an etch-a-sketch Mitt Romney needs a factory full of Korean animators to keep up with his near psychedelic array of flip flops and position shuffles. After years of criticism aimed at President Obama's foreign policy, Mitt Romney might as well have curled up in Obama's lap like a pussycat because at the final presidential debate Romney ended up agreeing with and endorsing almost every single action the President has taken regarding foreign policy. Public polls declared the President the final debate winner by a wide margin. October 24, 2012. Hello Mitty Monthly

Romney Boy Fights For Swinging Career! Tagg wants to take a swing at President Obama! As a young boy Tagg Romney was promised a career in music and entertainment but today at age 42 he feels frustrated because he says his career was sidetracked by reverse anti-white discrimination that was created by liberal Democrat social engineering. Tagg who goes by the stage name of Tagg, says if he had been born black or Latino and sang anti-freedom socialist propaganda he'd be a music superstar by now. October 20, 2012. Tough Rich Boys Magazine

Binders Of Women! Appropriate new hash tag sticks to Romney Ryan ticket. Mitt Romney said the words himself and now nobody will let them go because they are so representative of what Romney will actually do to set back womens reproductive rights. If Mitt Romney gets elected Tea Party politicians in Washington D.C. will be in charge of women's bodies not women. October 18, 2012. American Bindage Magazine

Romney says burn coal until Jesus comes home!

Coal Lover Romney Touts Energy Plan! Burn as much coal as possible until Jesus tells us otherwise. Mitt Romney says don't worry about climate change and pollution because we have enough coal to last until Jesus returns to Missouri and solves all of our problems. Romney insists corporations can make a lot of money burning coal until the skies are black and then selling the electricity to the highest bidders even if local communities die from lung disease. Romney says the great thing about corporations being people is that while they have many challenges they can actually live for hundreds of years and their survival is not threatened by the normal human lifespan or pollution.
October 16, 2012. Corporate Power Magazine

Romney Says Chinese Cheating! Chinese say "How So?" Chinese factory workers working for an American company making American products for Americans like the family of artist Cui Bo have no idea what Mitt Romney is talking about. Romney, the original 100% owner of Bain Capital is the same American businessman who shipped thousands of good American jobs to China that they now work hard at. Both parents make kitchen appliances for a Bain controlled American company that used to manufacture products in Ohio, U.S.A.
October 15, 2012. Confuse Us Magazine

Ryan's Vagina Monologue! Wants government control of all vaginas during child bearing years. The election of Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan will be the beginning of the end in regards to freedom of choice for women. Ryan was emphatic in his opposition to women's right to control their own bodies in the Vice Presidential debate. Vice President Joe Biden strongly defended a woman's right to choice. The contrast could not be more clear. Women's right to control their own bodies is on the ballot. October 11, 2012. Republican Vagina Monologues

Romney Celebrates Shameless Debate Victory! Mitt brings motorized etch-a-sketch and lies his ass off while making up pure horseshit. Mitt Romney is a psychopath and pathological liar and apparently people find that loveable because the Romney camp has been raking in extra money and climbing in the polls since Mitt took it to the President in an unexpected debate victory. President Obama seemed dumbfounded by the quantity and depth of Romney's nonstop lies. It was frustrating for Obama because Romney showed up ready for a mud wrestling match and Obama came to teach a junior college class. October 8, 2012. Popular Psychopaths Magazine READ MORE

Meet The Real Romney! Mormon Mitt is a mainstream Mormon and you probably aren't. You might want to know why no member of the Romney family has ever joined any branch of the U.S. military and why Mitt fled to France as a young Mormon missionary to avoid serving America in the Vietnam War. Alcohol, coffee and caffeine are not allowed. Diet beverages only. Smoking anything is out of the question. It is mandatory to give at least a tenth of your income to the LDS church every month if your spirit wants to avoid an eternity in spirit prison. If your spirit follows Mormon law through enough lifetimes you can become an actual God in one of the spritual kingdoms or galaxies in the universe as there are many planets similar to earth and Jesus-like Gods visited each of them. In the 1800's planet earth's own special Jesus came to America and told the story to a raging drunk who then became the LDS church founder and took 20 wives and Mitt has been spreading this holy flapdoodle his entire life likely in appreciation of the fact that the Mormon church saved Hello Mitty's pussy ass from death in Vietnam. October 8, 2012. Mitt Magazine

Romney Rehearses Zingers! Romney may use "Obama Yo Mama". With a GOP Party platform that is indefensible, Romney must divert attention from a document that 80% of all Americans would reject and pretend that he will do something other than what he and other Republicans have promised to do. It is a cynical, dishonest, immoral and despicable approach but Romney is such a prolific liar he can tell lies in his sleep, so the focus at debate practice has been on getting in scripted zingers. If Romney can get just one sound bite zinger to register a chuckle, FOX news will play it hourly until election day.
October 3, 2012. DeBate University Gazette

Obama Up By A Touchdown! Romney needs to score points in debate. Some polls have the President up by seven points which means Mitt Romney had better score a touchdown in the first debate or he's in big trouble because as the clock ticks down time works in Obama's favor. Republican analysts say it's time for some kind of Hail Mary play if Romney has one in his play book. October 2, 2012. Political Football

We Got Money! Romney says campaign is doing simply Marvelous! Just look at the money people throw at us and we don't even need it. Even if Romney loses the election Mitt has guaranteed that he and Ann will make a nice profit. For appearances sake, Mitt overpaid his 2011 income taxes. Otherwise, he would have been caught in another lie because he repeatedly said he paid at least 13.9% which is already ridiculously low. He could have gotten away paying only 9% but that would make him appear more like a tax cheat than he already does. If Mitt loses the election all he has to do is file an amended return to get a refund check of approximately $2.5 million. September 27, 2012. Romney Monsoon Fund Monthly

AARP Shrugs Turn To Boos! Ryan booed by old white people! How an all white conservative Republican on an an all white conservative Republican Presidential ticket can alienate and offend a crowd of nearly all white conservative Republican seniors isn't easy but Paul Ryan did it as he was booed repeatedly while speaking at the AARP convention this week. The tires have blown off the Romney-Ryan senior citizen bus as recent polls show that the Romney-Ryan ticket has lost a 35 point lead among seniors with their plan to destroy Medicare and Medicaid. It has become a fact that most seniors like everything about Obamacare except the name. The popular provisions of the Affordable Care Act are now the law and beneficiaries don't want Romney or Ryan or anybody taking those benefits away now that they have them. September 26, 2012. Who Got Booed Monthly

Romney Tries New Tone! Mitt morphs into Mexican from Mexico City for Spanish language TV. Critics quickly attacked Romney for dyeing his face brown and it was obvious whenever either of his lily white hands got near his face. Nobody criticized Mitt's new mustache, however, maybe because it looked muy macho. Romney didn't give any reasons for Latino voters to vote for him but he definitely made an appearance. September 25, 2012. Mexico Televiso La Nacho

New Secret Romney Video From Florida Mansion! Lord Romney revealed as preening pompous plutocrat. Putting on airs comes naturally for this silver spooner and it absolutely delights Lord Romney to sit upon his throne and lord about the castle in a lordly manor while white gloved servants rustle about underfoot always careful to never make eye contact with the Lord. Lord Romney is accompanied by his king's golden crown and scepter from the 14th century, his royal throne from the 12th century and a 7th century invisible royal robe when attending private no press big donor fundraisers. Only the elite multimillion dollar fundraisers get a private audience with Lord Romney to behold the Lord Romney wearing his birthright in all his glory. September 24, 2012. NewsLord Weekly

800,000 Romney Books Returned To Publisher! Slow sales force clearance discounts. Everyone knew the book wasn't worth reading but the publishers had hoped that a couple million Republicans might want to buy a coffee table size copy of the book full of glossy photos as a souvenir hoping that Mitt Romney could sign it for them one day. It didn't happen and now semi-truck trailers full of the Romney books are on the way back to the publisher to be shredded and recycled. September 24, 2012. Book Disasters Blog

Hip Hop Setback For Comeback Team! Duo gets backstage but find no backers. A Romney campaign aide thought Nicki Minaj had endorsed Romney because she says so on in a rhyme on her record but when the corporate crusaders got backstage they were embarrassed and dismayed to learn that both Nicki Minaj and Beyonce had endorsed President Obama. That takes the demonic duo all the way back to zero in the influential hip hop celebrity endorsement tally. September 24, 2012. Celebrity Junkie Blog

See Ya Later Loser! Christie signals goodbye and abandons Romney.
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie hasn't made any appearances with the Romney Ryan campaign since their convention in Tampa. Once Rush Limbaugh compared Romney to Elmer Fudd, Republican candidates started avoiding the Romney campaign stage. Obama has opened up a lead in most national polls, a large margin in the electoral college count and a margin of 66 to 33 on Intrade.com where people back up their opinions with cash money. Christie annoyed the Romney campaign by using his convention speech to boost his own profile.
September 21, 2012. Friends Like These

Romney Ship Taking On Water! Right wing pirates starting to abandon ship. Arrrrgh! Capt Romney may have to face down the bubblin' fury of a pirate mutiny led by ship's mate Rush Limbaugh and galley wench Laura Ingram as some of the crew may already be lookin' to the highest yardarm to string 'emselves up this former son of a Lord turned ruthless pirate who's now gone and run their ship aground more than once. September 20, 2012. Ye Olde Pirate Post

Southern Tea Party Republicans believe Romney probably has more than one wife.

Southern Tea Party Birthers Add New Channels! 25% of Southern GOP voters now believe Mormons are a polygamous cult and Mitt Romney probably has more than one wife. In bad news for the Romney campaign a new independent survey says that mostly Southern GOP Tea Party voters who still believe President Obama was born in Africa and is a practicing Muslim also believe that Mormon leader Mitt Romney probably has at least two other wives because he is sworn to Mormon secrecy and because he has enough money to keep an entire harem quiet. Over 40% of all Republicans believe Mormons still practice polygamy today more than 100 years after the practice was outlawed. Also as a result of deliberate misinformation over 45% of all red state Republicans now think the President was not born in the U.S.A. twice the number of 2008 GOP voters who thought so.
September 19, 2012. We Believe What?

Ask
Osama bin Laden if he's better off now than he was four years ago.

Kerry thrust out his finger straight ahead like a bayonet as if to put it right between Mitt Romney's eyes and BOOMED "ASK OSAMA BIN LADEN IF HE'S BETTER OFF NOW THAN WAS FOUR YEARS AGO!" Uncle Sam was beside himself and couldn't have been more righteously pissed that ANY presidential candidate of any party would sell America short and insult America's warriors. Mitt Romney is a freakin' jerk to say absolutely the very least. Okay that's not enough, Mitt Romney is a prissy pessimist prima donna who insulted all veterans and veterans families by omitting them from his big whiny, dishonest bullshit speech in Tampa.
September 18, 2012. Uncle Sam's Club

Undemonize Me, Please. New Romney ads featuring sympathetic Mitt match Ann's pity party.
The Republican Tea Party advertising brain trust that advised Christine O'Donnell, who was famously accused of being a witch, has rushed in to rescue what Ann Romney called a DEMONIZED Mitt Romney on Meet The Press. The new Romney ads are known to be effective with brain dead, schizophrenic and psychotic voters in swing state psychiatric hospitals but campaign insiders say that if they can convince independent voters that Democratic witch doctors from the black jungle in Kenya are responsible for the powerful magic that makes Romney and Ryan appear as demons, then they have a shot at winning the newly fearful backlash voters. September 17, 2012. Advertising Insider

Ryan Says He Was Demonized Too! Whining Wyan widing Womney wagon twain o' woe.
Demonization is a recurring Weepublican whine drenched theme echoed by Paul Ryan and an official pity party talking point aimed at reaching below the belt and yanking a reaction from undecided voters who fear demons. The tactic can back fire easily, however, as terrified folks can't always distinguish between the demons and the demonizers and start to see only demons and then more demons. Senate candidate Todd Akin of Missouri remained off message by saying everybody was a little sore but only he had been "legitimately" demonized. September 16, 2012. The Daily Demonizer

Ann
Romney claimed Mitt has been turned into a demon on Meet The Press.

Ann Whines Mitt's Been Demonized! Wimp's wife weeps on whine time TV while Mitt watches and whimpers. She has over $100 million in her IRA account without ever holding a paid job but Ann Romney wants the people to know that she understand struggles. My goodness! Mitt's been turned into a demon and we've had to call in an exorcist. And my dancing pony has a charley horse and that worries me. So I certainly understand struggling to get through a tough day and then having enough energy for a fabulous dinner party later that same evening.
September 14, 2012. Meet The Press Blog

Republicans want $2 trillion defense spending for new Russian threat.

reacted as if to air raid sirens as they immediately recognized an urgent opportunity to justify a new rationale for unwarranted defense spending increases despite a national budgetary crisis. Romney has criticized President Obama while ignorantly labeling Russia as our number one geopolitical threat. In Mitt's world... forgot about the war in Afghanistan, forget about Iran and even forgot about Al Queada because in Mitt's Mad Mad Mad World... Russia is our number one threat. Putin was leading the endangered cranes over Siberia in a widely ridiculed stunt. The Department of Defense did not ask for the additional $2 trillion dollars Republicans want them to spend as stated in their official party platform.
September 10, 2012. The Neocon Noodleer

Insiders Say Fox News Political Analyst A Lying Sack Of Sh*t! One of the network's high profile political analysts is actually a hologram on a Hefty bag. Insiders spoke anonymously for fear of their electronic shock collars being activated by their Fox News implant mind control microchips. Employees said the level of bullshit in the Fox newsroom is so thick they clean it out with skip loaders on weekends. The most surprising revelation was how one political commentator's hologram is projected upon a plastic bag full of crap because a Fox News bigwig finds the classic wag bag gag a laugh riot and the coolest practical joke of all time. September 9, 2012. Behind The Lens

World Famous Seer And Psychic Predicts Shocking October Surprise!
Mitt's Romneyan secret may go where no politician has gone before. A world famous seer and psychic who chose to remain anonymous due to a current 106 day winning streak at the OTB claimed the world will be both shocked and terrified. She told of a vision that suddenly explained Romney's mysterious aloof nature and why he doesn't like to talk about himself. After cashing an impressive superfecta the anonymous psychic went on to say that the terrifying part of her vision will be something like Star Trek meets Scientology. When a cloaked Romulan warbird piloted by Tom Cruise is discovered orbiting planet earth a worldwide panic ensues until a sparkling purple aura magically encircles the planet and induces mass euphoria and memory loss among humans. Video cassettes return as the preferred option for renting movies. September 5, 2012. Romulan Ale Blog

Video Rentals Only 99 Cents! Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan conquer Hollywood.
Clint Eastwood opened the door at the Republican National Convention and now Republicans are beating down the doors at Hollywood movie studios with the intention of remaking major movie classics with all Republican casts for a more fair and balanced storytelling of how anything liberal is bad and how anything Republican billionaires like is good. Romney Ryan Productions has a long list of movies they intend to rewrite and make more suitable for sanctimonious conservative family viewing. Clint Eastwood and several of his former wives will be heavily involved and Dirty Harry will no longer be dirty.
September 2, 2012. The Hollywood Conservative

Paul Ryan sets modern record for total number of lies in one speech.

DAILY RACING RAG

Ryan Was Lyin'!
Vice Presidential candidate Paul Ryan's convention speech sets modern record for number of zombie lies in one speech.
Paul Ryan inexplicably destroyed his credibility with dozens of whoppers, at least 37 by one count. Fact checking organizations have never been so busy issuing statements about the incredible number of lies Ryan knowingly made in his speech at the Republican National Convention. Ryan surpassed any and all recent convention speeches for total number of lies, distortions, deceptions, and so many of his false statements had already been debunked and labeled zombie lies. Ryan paid no attention to the truth or to facts and his hypocrisy was an unprecedented insult to the intelligence of all voters.
August 30, 2012. False And Fiction News

It's Legitimate! Romney officially declared party nominee and party platform adopted by voice vote. Todd Akin's ignorant statement about "legitimate" rape made headlines last week but his actual views are identical to Paul Ryan's and the official Republican Party platform. To Akin and Ryan, rape is just another form of conception and abortion should be illegal in all cases. The entire Republican Party platform is an incredibly harsh document that seems written in another century. The Republican position on abortion being illegal even after rape is opposed by 80% of Americans including 60% of Republicans. The Republican party has been hijacked by zealous right wing nuts and it seems unlikely that Mitt Romney can grab his nuts and manhandle them into any kind of appealing image. August 29, 2012. Tampa-X Insider News

GOP Women Explain Opposition To Abortion and Birth Control! After more than 40 years without sex many Republican women decide abortion and birth control are wrong! They don't see what the fuss is. Boys and girls should act like they did back in the day and Mitt Romney is just the man to take our country back. And we have to send those brown people back to Mexico and Mitt is just the man to chase them across the border. And what's the big deal about Mitt's taxes when Obama has a phony birth certificate and we know because we stay at the Trump Casino in Atlantic City. And Hannity says it's just horrible that Obama stole $700 billion from Medicare and gives welfare checks to black people for not working just to get their votes. And Obama and the federal government should keep their damn hands off our Medicare and Medicaid and seniors prescription drugs benefits. And Obamacare gives out free birth control and encourages teenage girls to have sex while we pay for it out of our Social Security. It's just awful what Obama has done! August 28, 2012. Whitey's News Network

GOP Wants More For Welfare Queens! Corporate welfare costs America more than all social welfare programs combined. You could fund the entire food stamp program and three weeks of war in Afghanistan with just the unnecessary corporate welfare going to five big oil companies. Unfortunately for America, Republicans and their lying super PACS are not talking about corporate welfare but spending millions of dollars on insulting and false ads conjuring up negative stereotypes of lazy blacks from long ago. The GOP is selling hatred to fire the racist bellies of isolated angry white people and betting those people cannot distinguish truth from the non-stop despicable lying horseshit propaganda being dumped on their heads by racist mercenary GOP sons of bitches. August 27, 2012. Whitey's News Network

GOP Convention Update! Paul, Bachmann, Perry, Cain, Huntsman, Palin and Jindal snubbed.
Almost every prominent Republican politician to campaign against or endorse someone other than Mitt Romney in the GOP primaries has been denied the chance to directly address the GOP convention. Payback is a bitch in politics. Also excluded were George W. Bush and Dick Cheney as party goers don't like to be reminded of the reality of their failures. A miffed Michelle Bachmann announced she will orate in the parking lot. Only Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum grovelled low enough and kissed enough Romney bottom to get minor roles. Santorum got assigned the humiliating role of telling the completely false Medicare lie and Gingrich is briefly included in a Ronald Reagan, the God, religious style tribute. This convention is no love fest but will still feature many famous faces fawning ferociously over Mitt Romney as phony flattery will flow like a fustian fountain of flapdoodle. August 26, 2012. News Preview Network

The Ayn Ryan Plan! It was Mom's ideology all along! Paul Ryan's mother, Ayn Ryan, who long ago loved those novels by her nickname namesake and ideological fountainhead, author Ayn Rand, appeared on the campaign stage and invigorated her son as he beamed in his mother's adoration. Ryan then went on to self-congratulate his struggle for we the living with a virtuous selfishness that delighted the mini-multitude of materialists on hand. Like Atlas shrugging off a gnat, Ryan sang his anthem and needed neither logic nor veracity to take his home run trot for an elite cheering section of wealthy Republican seniors at The Villages Yacht Club in Florida. August 25, 2012. The Ayn Ryan Report

Romney Ryan Mull Security Issues! Uniform appearance bolsters thin security credentials.
Mitt Romney was wearing a crisp new security guard uniform as he recalled in his college days he used to dress up as a Michigan state trooper and stop other student's cars. Paul Ryan added he once helped escort a minority transient from the McDonalds restaurant he worked at as a teen. Despite zero military background or foreign policy experience Romney and Ryan are confidant in their ability to wage a conflagration of Biblical proportions. A prior photo op on a battleship was also meant to show that the Republican ticket deems itself ready to wage a nuclear holocaust. August 24, 2012. Unarmed Forces Report

Republicans Turn Back Time! Mount Rushmore of backward thinkers assume fetal positions.
The Republican Party platform reeks of Alzheimer's degree nostalgia for long ago whites-only eras. With a rally cry of "Forward To The Past" they march backwards against basic civil rights, against women's rights, against worker's rights, against gay rights and against all Latino immigrants while blacks continue to be marginalized through racist voter ID laws, poverty, poor schools and wildly disproportionate incarceration rates. GOP legislators backed by

billionaires continue to write bills telling women what they cannot do with their own bodies and thinly disguised racism against Latinos by law enfrorcement is heralded as heroic in a right-wing America where the celebration of ignorance has reached a Mardi Gras hysteria. Mitt Romney has promised to end the Affordable Healthcare Act, defund basic women's healthcare, says we have enough teachers, recklessly encourages war with Iran, give himself huge new tax breaks and is the biggest backward uninspiring non-thinker in the whole goddam Republican looney bin.
August 23, 2012. National Neocryptic Ragazine

Carney The Magnificent! White House Press Secretary Jay Carney correctly divined the answers to the questions. NO one knew the contents of the hermetically sealed envelopes, but Carney in a borderline divine and mystical way was able to ascertain the answers having never before seen the questions.
August 21, 2012. Why House Presto Room

Jesus Issues Harsh Storm Warning! Wants no part of any political platform. Karl Rove laughed off Jesus' threat of dire consequences in Tampa saying "We own you, White Jesus, and I've got the numbers to prove it." Evangelical and Tea Party right-wingers have always claimed Jesus backs them said the possible hurricane approaching Tampa has nothing to do with the radical anarchist Republican political platform or their angry, arrogant, self-righteous brand of no-compromise party-before-country politics. Jesus also voiced displeasure over the GOP "Guns and God" slogan saying the only time he ever shot a sidearm was when he visited Utah in the 1800's so Jesus is quite upset that his reputation has been married to weaponry.
August 20, 2012. Apocalypse News & Weather

Randy Travis Loses GOP Convention Gig To Kid Rock! Drunk driving arrest costs the country music legend.
He'll now have to play three smaller GOP parties to make his drinkin' money. Travis was an early supporter of Michelle Bachmann last year before she nosedived in the polls. A couple of other local drunks said disappointment drove Randy to drink because Randy is a patriotic hard right winger and worries a lot about Obama. After a car crash Travis was found by deputies passed out and naked and then he threatened to kill 'em in route to the station. Randy was later cited for misdemeanor assault in a church parking lot where Randy was havin' a tailgate party with a stray wife when her angry ex appeared and saw her diggin' up bones.
August 19, 2012. North Texas Apocalypse News

Trust Me, I Haven't Been A Tax Cheat For At Least 10 Years! Says no need to verify. Romney refused to verify his claim by releasing any tax returns and made no mention of his alleged zero payment tax returns from 1992 until 2002 when Mitt caught the political bug again in Salt Lake. Slick Mitt did say he paid at least 13% in taxes every year for the last 10 years but refused to specifically call those taxes income taxes and the totals may have included property taxes and sales taxes. After his landslide Senate defeat in 1992, Mitt decided he was through with politics and pursued every dirty tax scheme ever invented and then invented dozens more. He was investigated several times by the government for numerous nefarious activities involving foreign tax cheating of which he became a recognized specialist and go-to guy for El Salvadoran cartels and other cash-rich types who were assured complete anonymity when investing in Romney's multiple schemes. August 18, 2012. The Sludge Report

Hoity Toity! Queen Anne huffs and puffs and says ENOUGH! NO more tax questions! NO more tax releases! NO more tax returns! You little people are really starting to aggravate my condition and I WILL go riding if you ask me any more tax questions. I absolutely will not tolerate any more tax questions! I absolutely FORBID it! Queen Anne Romney of the Mormon Throne became incensed after prying questions about a $77,000 tax deduction for "dancing horses" and a $31,000 tax deduction for "painting roses red". The Queen was already in a high dudgeon having traveled all the way to those dreary North Atlantic islands only to have her prized dancing horse denied an Olympic medal.
August 17, 2012. Trickle Down News Network

Record Review - Gutsy Folk - Mitt Makes Music! Republicans counting on catchy patriotic themed jingles to win over clueless independent voters and amnesia victims! This record may not top the Billboard charts but if anything can bring back old-time barbershop harmonies it's the gawd-awful flat tone wailings on this far right freaking disaster. August 16, 2012. Politics & Music Magazine

Ryan insisted Romney campaign to put kid toys be back in happy meals before accepting nod.

The Deal Maker! Ryan was promised kid toys will be put back in his favorite happy meals! Paul Ryan says Michele Obama's campaign of encouraging children to eat healthy foods has robbed them of really cool toys and hurt fast food corporate profits as millions of obese children could be much fatter. Romney showed his flair for closing a business deal and raising five sons by presenting Ryan with an awesome die cast Wienermobile and a genuine Star Wars collectible. Ryan was breathless and accepted Mitt's offer immediately.
August 14, 2012. The Fridge Report

Paul Ryan was named biggest brown-noser by classmates.

Heckuva Job, Brownie! Ryan's Plan betrays all Americans under the age of 55 just to pander to and brown-nose Ryan's mentor, an old white billionaire who finances tea party extreme right wing groups and their brand of anarchy. With penetrating insight his high school senior class voted Paul Ryan "biggest brown-noser" but few would have thought he'd author the generational treason found in his plan. Countless millions of Americans will be robbed of the benefits that Ryan's sugar daddy currently enjoys. That's billionaire shit on Ryan's nose but Paul calls it brown sugar. READ MORE
August 12, 2015. Traitor Joe's Weekly

Ryan Plan Is A Vulture Capitalist's Dream Come True! Gutting Medicare will make millions of senior's assets easy pickings. Many of those vultures were personally inspired by Mitt Romney's incredible accumulation of other peoples money. The yearly income tax savings to Romney from the Ryan Plan would be enormous and one tax expert concluded that Mitt Romney could not have written a bill more beneficial for himself. READ MORE
August 11, 2015. More Amazing Tax Tactix

Paul Ryan plan postcard from the future.

Ryan Plan Postcard From The Future! Homeless full time employees rent brightly colored deluxe pup tents to sleep and live in after business hours. Employee toilet privileges are 30 minutes before opening and after closing. 12 hour workdays, no paid holidays, no paid vacations, and no sick pay but Paul Ryan says it will inspire people to succeed. United Nations medical technicians will visit semi-annually to provide employee healthcare. The Salvation Army will provide Bibles, blankets and prayer cloths. Unemployed poor people will be canned as sardines and sold for Chinese cat food. READ MORE
August 10, 2015. Bet Line News

Ryan Boosts Romney Share Price! Until Romney chose Ryan he was tanking. Paul Ryan has given the Romney share price a boost but it is still far from the Obama price and Obama remains the favorite of people who have bet money on the horse race. In-trade betting has for many years been the most accurate predictor of U.S. election winners. August 8, 2015. Bet Line News

Romney Picks Boy Wonder As Running Mate! Just in time to divert spotlight from Bain Capital and Romney's tax cheating years. Now the billionaires choice campaign will pose in a self-satisfied smug manner like never before. Their self-delusion of being heroic champions has been greatly magnified and all Republicans will now be forced by mandatory decree to drink the radical right-wing tea party poison that RUPERT MURDOCH-WALL STREET JOUNAL-FOX NEWS has been brainwashing cable-tv Republicans with for over a decade of beyond-Orwellian deep psyche propaganda. August 6, 2012. World Class Asset Report

Romney Despised By Italians, No Visit To Italy! In 2001, Mitt Romney led a Bain Capital flimflam deal that cost the Italian government and the Italian people $1 billion dollars of which Romney pocketed over $60 million personally and paid zero U.S. taxes.Yes, those foreign tax havens where Romney keeps his money come in mighty handy when you are a big enough crook to rip off the Italian government for over $1 billion dollars. Today the Italian people are still well aware of what was a huge scandal and embarrassment for the Italian government at the time. Italian citizens are incredulous that such a thief might become President of the United States and bring Italian-American relations to the lowest point since Mussolini made a deal with Hitler. READ MORE
August 3, 2012. Watta About Italy News (Bloomberg)

We don't pay taxes. Only the little people pay taxes.

We Don't Pay Taxes, Only Little People Pay Taxes! Mitt Romney was 100% owner of Bain Capital and Bain was the secretive vehicle of choice for millionaire tax cheats. Romney helped cheat the U.S. treasury out of a fortune in tax revenue but banking records are secret in the Cayman Islands and that's why Mitt still keeps his money there. Senator Harry Reid was told by a former Bain investor that Romney paid no personal income taxes for ten years despite making hundreds of millions of dollars. It appears that millionaire Mitt Romney was an insanely greedy tax cheat just like his best Bain customers.
August 1, 2012. American Tax Dodgest

Young Willard Mitt Romney dropped his given name after vicious teasing.

As a boy Mitt was frequently tormented because of his uncanny resemblance to Willard the killer horror movie rat. Now as a presidential candidate belligerent Republicans have criticized Romney for behaving like a mousy wimp. But nobody called young Willard Mitt Romney a mouse because just about everybody taunted him with W-I-L-L-A-R-D due to a hugely popular horror movie of the time about a vindictive young psychopath and his killer pet rats that were led on revenge killings by a big mean rat named Willard. Could another bloody payback be in store for Willard's tormentors?
July 31, 2012. Annals of Horror Psychology

Not All Blacks For Obama! Romney campaign picks up minority support in Nevada. Psychopaths of all races residing in Nevada state prisons generally relate to the creepiness and dishonesty of Mitt Romney more than prisoners without violent tendencies or other mental struggles. "He just feels like one of us." one inmate included in a recent death threat against liberals. July 31, 2012 Prison Political Report