DailyRacingRag.com - September 2011

Tea Party Waiting For Superhero!
Tea Party faithful see Chris Christie as Savior. What's in Tea? Where many folks see 300 lbs. of lard and a cutthroat backstabbing deal maker, many high-ranking and influential members of Tea Party aristocracy see New Jersey Republican Governor Chris Christie as both the best candidate devoted to their purist yet fuzzy agenda and the best candidate to defeat the great enemy of Tea Party catechism "The Obama". On high mount yonder doth the elite conservative A-list await. Other GOP candidates have so far failed to lift the hammer from the sacred Tea Party anvil that billionaire button-pushing backers of all things Tea Party devised as a test to ensure that they alone make the final selection.
September 30, 2011. Tea Party Training Gym.

Bachmann urges Christians not to settle for less than purity.

Bachmann Urges Christian Purity!
Says "don't settle" for an impure candidate. God has a plan and Michele Bachmann says that you'll be better off with her as your 99.9% white Christian President when God's plan hits the fan.
September 29, 2011. BJ Christ Academy

Cain: Blacks Insane In The Membrane!
Herman Cain says black community brainwashed. Cain is close-minded about blacks not being open-minded about considering the right wing conservative point of view that uses any dirty or diabolical trick including hypnosis to suppress the minority vote. But to Cain, it's just "brainwashing, pure and simple". Cain's 999 economic plan is thin crust sloganeering pizza talk. Corporate masters perpetuate economic injustice rampant in America today and Cain is just another corporate con man.
September 28, 2011. Cain Brainwashin' Party.

Cain close-minded about blacks not being open-minded.

Sarah Palin threatens to sue author over book.

Sarah Threatens Lawsuit Against Founding Fathers!
Freedom of Speech was "not wise" because Sarah's secret sexual history with a famous black athlete has been exposed. A younger Sarah Palin was once gaga for sex with black athletes and now that taste for dark meat has come back to bite her political aspirations like an asp. Author Joe McGinnis moved to Alaska to dig up information about Palin and ended up living next door. The Palin's built a tall fence and issued a harsh warning to friends not to talk to the author. As a result most of the anecdotal stories came from folks who don't like Sarah Palin. Allegations that damage Palin's political image include Palin snorting cocaine on an oil drum and having a sexual relationship with Glenn Rice, a former all star NBA basketball player.
September 27, 2011. Palin Book-of-the-Month

Cain Able To Lead Brother To Death!
Cain slays fundraising ability of frontrunner Rick Perry. GOP Tea Party fratricide continues. Florida GOP Tea Party activists gave Herman Cain a huge victory in the Florida GOP straw vote. He bludgeoned heavily favored Republican brother Rick Perry by a 2 to 1 margin. Cain finished with 37%, Perry 15%, Mitt Romney 14%, Rick Santorum 11% and Ron Paul 11%. At only 4%, former Tea Party darling Michele Bachmann has been teabagged. Herman Cain was able to upset Perry with a winning debate performance, non-stop meet and greet events, and a rousing speech one hour before the voting began. These are the same folks who booed a gay soldier on duty in Iraq and cheered for letting an indigent accident victim die. Perry's best bet was to just fold his weak hand in a rigged game that backfired and ride on outta town, which he did. Perry did not make a speech.
September 26, 2011. Florida Pekoe Tea Party.

Have You Ever Been Experienced? Well Ron Paul Has!
Ron Paul was trying to change the GOP when his political rivals were just babies needing diaper changes. Ron Paul has forgotten more than the other candidates have ever learned but he says that is not a problem. So far in the Republican debates Ron Paul hasn't been attacked for outliving Old Man River but Rick Perry has actually agreed to tentatively accept a scientific theory called carbon dating if it helps prove Ron Paul is too old to be the nominee.
September 24, 2011. RKO Newsreel Vault.

Sarah Palin's Fun Dance Music Video!
She's never looked better and she can lipsink too. Sarah Palin is going to do things her way and that's a fortunate gift for the rest of us. She was born for the era of celebrity politics and after a feature film she has created this sing and dance music Oreo cookie that brings back all the fun of the best music videos but may actually be the best political commercial ever filmed as well. It starts out with a thumping soundtrack like a rollicking new smash dance hit from J Lo and then shockingly it's Sarah Palin singing and sexy-dancing all her favorite Tea Party talking points but crazy and unbelievably I'm up and dancing with her. The black mini-skirt dance sequence with some frisky law enforcement officers may win over an entire generation of young voters. She is so so crazy she's crazy like a FOX.
September 23, 2011. DanceDaddy Fanzine

Mitch McConnell Smells Blood!
Twice as many Democrats up for re-election creates a huge opportunity for new Republican blood and power in the U.S. Senate. GOP Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell has almost appeared lifelike recently. He knows that if he sabotages President Obama's American Jobs Act and does everything in his power to ruin the American economic recovery and eagerly resorts to outright treason against American workers, teachers, cops, soldiers and their families he may well become Senate Majority Leader. With that power he could have new coats of wax applied daily over his rotting zombie flesh.
September 22, 2011. Senate Bldg Basement.

Palin Plan To Boost Sagging Support!
A surprise announcement would thrill her fans. Sarah Palin reckons Rick Perry is kinda dumb and has too much baggage and Michele Bachmann just doesn't know how to excite the male conservative base. Sarah is a natural and excites male right wing activists down to the bone. She has always had the X factor and is almost ready to squat on the field and smother the base with her anesthetizing aura. She has simply been waiting at the bedroom door until the GOP electorate realizes how boring the other candidates are compared to the one and only Sarah Palin. Once Sarah officially announces she is running for President and back in command of the Tea Party movement she can then spread her wings and invite all Republicans back into her fold. Turns out she is no dummie at all. She's crazy like a FOX.
September 21, 2011. Palin Papparazzi Service

Palin has plan to boost sagging support.

Paul wins California GOP Straw Poll!
Ron Paul wins 44% of the straw, Rick Perry 29% and Mitt Romney 8%. Republicans have become an endangered species in California since George W. Bush. Not a single Republican holds statewide elective office. A flood of first time GOP voters could give Ron Paul a chance at winning the California GOP primary in 2012. Unlike Texas, California voters overwhelmingly do not want ignorant anti-science candidates that deny climate change and evolution as unproven scientific theories. Anti-gay and fear mongering rhetoric also draws a short straw. Ron Paul has won a barn full of straw polls in the past but he has never won a statewide Republican presidential primary election and 2012 offers more hope for the Ron Paul barn than ever before.
September 20, 2011. Hay GOP! Barn Party.

Perry Eager To Use Head Butt Tactics!
Establishment GOP has mass premonition about nomination of Rick Perry. Undefeated Texas Governor Rick Perry is certain to do what he's always done which is lead with his rock hard head. Facts never get in his way. Whenever Perry is wrong, uninformed, caught in a lie or flat out ignorant he just bulls forward and calls that courage. He may feel like a pinata at Republican debates but with his anti-science, anti-education, anti-union, anti-gay, anti-Medicare, and anti-Social Security positions and self-righteous evangelical beliefs, Perry could turn into a defenseless punching bag and possible laughing stock in the general election.
September 19, 2011. FutureVision Theatre

Obama Signs Patent Reform!
America Invents Act is first overhaul of patent system since 1952. The legislation streamlines and speeds up the U.S. patent system and will help create U.S. jobs. Long delays had meant illegal knock-offs were in full production in China before the inventors received U.S. patent approval. U.S. patent litigation has sometimes lasted decades but may now be reduced or in many cases prevented. A fetish-driven young bureaucrat mistakenly arranged an all-patent leather event.
September 18, 2011. U.S. Patent Leather Office

U.S.Supreme Court Stops Texas Killer!
Governor Rick Perry can't have number 236. Rick Perry is proud of a racist Texas justice system that works like an efficient slaughterhouse. To increase the number of executions of black men prosecutors had a psychologist testify that black murderers are more likely to remain dangerous and thus deserve death more than white murderers.
September 18, 2011. Texas Injection Room A

Did Sarah Palin Abandon Basketball Bastard?

Did Palin Abandon Black Bastard?
Actor thinks Palin may be his mother and former NBA star his father. After growing up without a mother and father one man has refused to end his lifelong search and asked Maury Povich to help him find his biological parents. When Tracy Morgan recently heard of the long ago lovemaking between a very young Sarah Palin and former NBA basketball player Glenn Rice, he immediately called his pal Maury Povich to help him arrange a special revelation show Morgan calls "some kinda super bowl of paternity and maternity show like who's ya daddy? and who's ya mama? all in one show! like byaaaang!" Rice has confirmed he banged Palin when she was an eager cub reporter with a firm ass he called "sweetheart".
September 17, 2011. Who-Da-Daddy Studios

Tea Party Plan For Uninsured Corpses!
No taxes or mandates! Americans freed from cost of health insurance. However, local governments will need revenue to cover costs for uninsured corpse removal and that's where the private sector steps in with innovation that allows for no new taxes or mandates.
September 16, 2011. Tea Party Brainpower Inc.

Gimme innocent little 11 and 12 year-old schoolgirls!

Injector In Chief!
Texas Governor Rick Perry is America's most injection-happy Governor. Perry has a hair trigger when it comes to ordering government mandated injections. From putting hundreds of Texas prisoners to death or mandating government injections into all 11 year old girls in the state of Texas. Perry has been the most needle-happy Governor in American history by a Texas mile.
September 15, 2011. Texas Injection Room B

Tea Party Crowd Cheers Death!
GOP healthcare solutions delight bloodthirsty partisans. Ron Paul had the Tea Party debate audience cheering for death when he explained that dying for lack of health insurance is called freedom. Last week the biggest cheer was for 235 state executions in Texas.
September 14, 2011. Tea Party Death Rally II

Another Million Hostages!
Cantor says no to jobs for U.S. construction workers. House Majority Leader Eric Cantor is the most hated Representative in Congress. After voting for over $160 billion spending in Afghanistan and Iraq in the past year Cantor recently said no to money for non-Virginia disaster relief right here in America. Cantor opposes all non-Virginia jobs for infrastructure construction. 49 out of 50 non-Virginian Americans should be disgusted by Eric Cantor and pray the power mad little prick's anti-American reign of terror ends soon.
September 13, 2011. Cantor Mansion Foyer

Mitt Got Trouble!
That's trouble with a capital "T" and that rhymes with "P" and that stands for Perry. Oh we got trouble, right here in the Grand Old Party. That's trouble with a capital "T" and that rhymes with Social Security. Friends, let me tell you what I mean. Ya got one, two, three four, five, six plans on the docket. That docket marks the difference between a gentleman and a bum. With a capital "B" and that rhymes with "P" and that stands for Perry. Oh we got trouble! Seniors of Leisure City! Heed the warning before it's too late! Your retirement dream is no Ponzi scheme! With a capital "P" and that stands for Perry. Oh we got trouble! With a capital "T" and that rhymes with "P" and that stands for Perry.
September 12, 2011. Miami Tea Party Opry

Bachmann took high offense to Obama political circus metaphor.

Miffed Bachmann Opposes Obama's American Jobs Act!
GOP Tea Party to propose Anti-American Jobs Act. Incensed that Obama used the "political circus" metaphor, Bachmann and other Tea Party clowns vowed to do anything to abet her power grab for the head ringleader position including sabotage of the U.S. economy.
September 10, 2011. US National Zoo & Circus

Pissing On El Paso!
Rick Perry calls President a liar in crude denial of friendly facts. El Paso business leaders are flabbergasted. El Paso, Texas was recently named safest big city in America for the second consecutive year and local business and civic leaders hoped the recognition their city received from a recent Presidential visit would bring more business and jobs. However, at the Republican debate inside the Reagan library in California, Perry was so eager to diss and dismiss President Obama that he pissed on his own people in El Paso by emphatically declaring El Paso UNSAFE. More than problematic, Perry's political performance appeared piss poor to the people of El Paso.
September 9, 2011. Reagan Replicator Library

Rick Perry Boasts While Texas Burns!
Out of control fires burned 1700 homes to the ground while Perry claimed Texas air is cleaner than ever. Last year with no end in sight of a years long drought Governor Perry slashed Texas volunteer fire department budgets by over 75% and asked Texans to pray for rain. Folks prayed for the Dallas Cowboys instead. After dismissing climate change and evolution as unproven scientific theories Rick Perry wasn't even asked which scientific research concluded that today's Texas air is cleaner than ever.
September 8, 2011. Texas Liars Club

Tea Party, Meet The Teamsters!
Obama offers GOP last chance to act like adults. The American Jobs Act puts one million construction workers back to work. If this spoiled bratty Kindergarten Congress does not act labor leader James Hoffa says we need to "take the sons of bitches out" of school.
September 7, 2011. Michigan Labor University

Recyclopedia Romney - 59 Old Ideas We Can Try Again

Mitt Recycles Bush Cheney Blueprint!
Romney doubles down on helping corporations and billionaires over middle class workers. Recyclopedia Romney celebrates America's soaring income disparity as prosperity and ignores the destruction of the middle class. The plan reduces middle class wages and benefits so corporate employers can hire three workers at poverty wages instead of providing one family supporting middle class job. The same old anti-middle class ideas have been GOP dogma for years.
September 6, 2011. Recyclopedia Romney HQ

Palin Leaves 'Em Guessing In Iowa!
Ignores obvious question No wires?... No hooks?... No adjusting straps? Sarah Palin gave a speech full of moose meat zingers aimed at the President but everyone was really wondering if Sarah was wearing the bra they sell on television? Speculation included the possibility that Palin could head the HSN (Home Shopping Network) if she doesn't run for the GOP nomination.
September 5, 2011. TP Confest, Iowa TP Dome

GOP freshman Allen West gives debt a bad rap.

GOP Tea Party Freshman Gives Debt A Bad Rap!
Congressman Allen West gets down on debt with a thumpa-thumpa booming bass line and a hip-hop beat. West has a natural talent for audacious self-promotion and finding the tv camera spotlight.
September 4, 2011. Cut, Cap and Bitchslap Congressional Black Tea Party Caucus

Mitt Ready To Test Southern Waters!
Romney redoubles efforts to win support from South Carolinia Governor. Mitt Romney may have a big lead in New Hampshire polls but he could be blown out of the landfill with a dismal performance in both Iowa and South Carolina. Thus, Mitt will employ his $250 million charm and try to demonstrate he has something that folks in South Carolina want really bad and that something is money. With all the noise about Michele Bachmann and Rick Perry and the Tea Party, Romney's strategy is that folks would prefer a C-note to a Tea bag and he's comin' on down to tell the South Carolina folks all about it. Don't count multi-millionaire Mitt out of any race in a state that has more preachers than paychecks.
September 3, 2011. Myrtle Beach Penthouse

Perry / Bachmann Merger Possible!
Perry takes lead but Bachmann hesitates. It's a dream come true ticket for Tea Party fanatics with all the excitement of a royal wedding or old-time public hanging. However, Michele Bachmann intends to hold out until South Carolina which is a must win state for her. Rick Perry made a bold move to announce his candicacy and then immediately take the lead in national polls just as Bachmann claimed her victory in the Iowa straw poll. Both have Tea Party support so a naturally occuring merger seems possible at any unexpected moment between the two very attractive candidates.
September 2, 2011. Texas Tea Bed & Breakfast

Palin Really Really Wants To Run!
She wants 100% support from FOX news and continued unlimited financial support from Rupert Murdoch. 95% of the income Sarah Palin has received in her lifetime has all come in the last four years and almost all directly from Rupert Murdoch and his multitude of media entities. No politician is more bought and paid for than Palin so she obviously has sought the assurances of 80 year-old Murdoch that her new lavish lifestyle will not suffer due to a campaign for the GOP nomination. In addition, since she has not bothered to establish a political network she will need the 100% commitment of support from Murdoch's FOX news network.
September 1, 2011. Sun Valley Think Tank

Palin really really really wants to run!