|RAND PAUL EXCLUSIVE! If everybody else had these stories they wouldn't be exclusive.|
|GOP SURVIVOR ISLAND 2016 Survivor Island for 2016 Republican candidates is the luxurious Lighthouse Bay Resort where "survival" conditions normally go for $2400 per night. Still after several days on the island paradise all the men begin to bond while Carly Fiorina somehow becomes less appealing with every bitter diatribe she spews.|
|DIGGIN' UP DIRT Rand Paul stars as a candidate obsessed with opposition research and especially loves digging up dirt on opponents. It's why Rand became a politician at the age of five. His character destruction of the favored candidate for his junior high school homecoming king would have pleased Vladimir Putin. Now running for President Rand employs his old pal Joe Dirt and the movie begins as they supervise a digging crew at the childhood home of Hillary Rodham Clinton.|
|OPENING DAY The art of the one up may be the best part of the fictionalized campaign coverage mini-series already airing around the country. After candidate Cruz announces his candidacy at a mandatory meeting of 10,000 Christian college students candidate Paul announces his candidacy before playing a classic hard rock version of the National Anthem on opening day at a major league ballpark before 42,000 excited baseball fans.|
|BETTER CALL PAUL After the number one top music industry copyright litigation specialist reams Pharrell Williams for $9 million in an unprecedented lawsuit victory Cookie is worried one of her top-selling hip hop rapper recording artists, 50 Cent, won't be worth a dime unless she hires the same lawyer to prevent him from suing any artist on her record label. She forks over a $2 million retainer and instructs the little man with the Phil Spector afro-do to sue every money making hip hop artist on her rival's record label. Unknown to her Paul has already made the same secret deal with five other labels and is planning to use that money to pursue political office as a Republican.|
|STRAW MEN - 2015 CPAC STRAW DERBY GOP-TV Sports has released their video of the 2015 CPAC Straw Derby where once again Rand Paul was the winner. Rand Paul and before him his father Ron Paul routinely win this event every year and this year was no exception so the big story this year was the surprising strong second place finish by Wisconsin's union-busting Governor Scott Walker. The problem with this event is that it in no way resembles the larger Republican electorate simply because the average age of attendees is 25 years younger. These are young ambitious people of whom about 20% are star struck celebrity autograph seekers while about 30% are ideological true believers and 50% are budding sociopaths looking for easy opportunity. After a lot of drinking then pontificating and then more drinking the horse race was a slow moving event as straw horses like straw men don't hold up on the race track despite the grass course being in good condition.|
|THE GAMBLER This timely TV movie is a tense political drama dealing with the problem of a racist saturated wing of the Republican party that makes winning the Presidency an increasingly difficult task for any Republican. As an outlier in his own party Rand Paul decides to go all out and aggressively pursue minority votes with almost any idea suggested including when a crafty intern played by Jonah Hill comes up with the idea of "Magic Bags". Staffers wear paper bags with the face of Magic Johnson pasted on so the candidate can practice a speech to be delivered at an African-American church. Rand has a rousing rehearsal sounding soulful and smooth.|
|JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE ELECTORATE This new series by the highly successful producers of THE GREAT RACE will start the day after the November midterm elections as both Hillary Clinton and Rand Paul aiming for 2016 will try to capture the allegiance of registered Independents who have become the largest bloc of registered voters in many states especially in the West. Hillary will go into the first episode as a heavy favorite to win the race but Rand Paul has both the easiest and toughest task ahead. Easiest because he can easily separate himself from the herd of right wing neo-con Republicans with crazy-brained unpopular policies but also hardest because he has to somehow get those same folks to support him. The real dash for the center will begin after the parties officially decide their presidential nominee.|
|RANDOM CHAOS THEORY After a Republican takeover in Washington D.C. and a subsequent government shut down Cal Tech is forced to account for every cent of a billion dollar contract. As government auditors threaten to shut down Sheldon's research and laboratory he desperately turns to the black arts of academia also known as political science. Rand Paul plays a presumptuous political science professor who professes to know the answer to every question despite never revealing that answer.|
|JOINT AGREEMENT The quest for power is a lifelong game that by comparison makes a marathon look like a mini thong. Rand Paul set out years ago to become pals with the one man who could either propel him to the Presidency or destroy him and that man is Rupert Murdoch. In a precisely calculated and well timed chance meeting at a Sun Valley resort Rand accidentally bumps into Rupert and charms the pants off him. Rupert then buys Rand a whiskey and before you know it they're both sloshy drunk at a snowed-in ski lodge and Rupert's moaning like any married Joe that he's having trouble getting his pecker up for Chinese wife Wendy. Rand then gets Rupert to smoke some medical marijuana until they're both higher than the hotel helipad. The next day Rupert promised Rand his political support after he saying he went back to the penthouse suite and spun his wife Wendy round and banged her like a Won Ton wagon wheel. Rupert and Rand have been best pals ever since.|
|IF POLITICIANS WERE POETS Today almost all celebrities are talking in rhymes, tweets and hashtags except politicians. They often don't wish to seem too hip or modern because they all have conservative constituents who frown on current popular culture. Despite long odds for success this ambitious new show on the new Q&A Channel tries to bring art and creativity where it normally goes to die otherwise known as the world of politics. Republican Rand Paul is the first politician to give the new format a try but his rhyming answers sound straight off a karaoke machine and will do little to counter his dubious reputation for habitual plagiarism in his writings and speeches.|
|THE VICTORY OF TREACHERY has blockbuster written all over it. After winning a rabidly loyal following in the Commonwealth of Kentucky the young Rand Paul permanently upgrades his bastard son status among the elderly oligarchs by lending his wizardly campaign manager to the very candidate his followers most want to flog, stone and behead. After his baffled followers are duped out of their chance of defeating the hated Mitch McConnell they are mercilessly flayed in as gruesome a scene of bloody betrayal as the Commonwealth has seen in centuries. Just in time Lady Alison played by Alison Lundergan Grimes arrives on the otherwise dreary scene and the action sparkles. Her energetic debut is looking more and more like a potential Oscar winning role in her first time up on the big screen.|
|PROFILES IN PORRIDGE is a documentary film that tries to explain the ostrich like logic of the Libertarian wing of the Republican Tea Party today. As you might expect it's a confusing mess. To many Libertarians America is just a brand name like Jiffy-Pop or I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. When they are working so hard to save up for an off road vehicle they just don't have time to worry about the rest of the world. But don't tell them they aren't patriots because they do buy more American flag napkins than liberals. This film was sponsored by the Koch brothers and their favorite family brand Angel Soft toilet tissue.|
|TP-TV makes a bold play for comedy viewers with their new comedy series TEA PARTY TANK SQUAD. In a not too distant future a group of Kentucky based soldiers deal with military down-sizing and budget cuts after Tea Party isolationists take control of the U.S. Congress. In the opening episode a pivotal poll shows Americans care more about neatly trimmed lawns than world peace and the military is forced into a new role as gardeners of all U.S. government buildings.|
|RAND PAUL in MY WEEK AS MARILYN quite simply is great entertainment. Rand Paul is the Daniel Day-Lewis or Christian Bale of plagiarizing other peoples words as his technique involves total immersion in his subject until their words flow naturally within his own speech. A wizard of shortcuts Paul is able to internalize a lifetime of his subject's words in just seven days and has accumulated an impressive reservoir of rearranged platitudes slogans and reclaimed quotes in his performing repertoire. TP-TV Check your local listings.|
|Scandal Channel airs a new episode of their 50 WORST series franchise. This time the 50 list is made up of the 50 ALL TIME WORST POLITICAL ATTACK ADS including a bizarre attack ad aired against Rand Paul during Paul's Kentucky Senate campaign in 2010. The ad made mention of Paul's college years when he enjoyed booze, pretend kidnapping, kinky bondage and group sex all while smoking big bowls of Kentucky marijuana in a huge Aqua Buddha bong. Largely because the charges were true the ad campaign backfired and Rand Paul was elected to the United States Senate.|
|LIVE FREE OR HIDE - THE LIBERTARIAN WORLD VIEW debuts on LPTV with host Rand Paul. Paul will cover all the bases in discussing how America is too weak to confront evil around the world and how America is too broke to feed starving people or fight disease anywhere in the world and how America is too busy to worry about collecting taxes or stopping crime or educating children or climate change at home. Guns gays and drugs are cool though.|
|REDDICK - THE RAND IDENTITY is currently airing in Russia on RPT-TV and is an unusally timely TV movie based on a true story. "Masterful acting, charisma and presence" writes Petyr Blononov, Moscow film critic who insists there has never been a gay actor in Russian musical theatre and there's nothing remotely gay about having a little pointy American man between Putin's legs.|
|THE LOOK OF LOVE is the last Syrian TV movie of the summer and appears to be a rushed production of a palpably improbable romance without anything to emulate in Syrian movie history. The special effects are frighteningly realistic but cannot atone for the unconvincing dialog of newcomer Paula Rand Paul.|
|The season premiere on GOPink-TV finds the flamboyant trio on a New York City political outreach effort to emphasize these aren't your daddy's Republicans. The patrons of a flaming hot lower Village nightspot literally have their socks blown off in this episode which culminates with the contestants registering an incredible 173 new Republican voters. Host Rand Paul leads the libertarian fun.|
|With some friends you've got it all and nothing at all at the same time. A pat on the back and a wink at a snitch leads to one former pal being shoved in a ditch. In the new series BOARDWALK PAYBACK a dispute about a Kentucky Derby bet in an Atlantic City casino leads to brutal mayhem gratefully accompanied by occasional comic relief.|
|Snowden Still Stranded In Russia After Six Weeks! Enjoy this 360 degree panorama tour of Moscow Airport. Without travel papers Snowden cannot leave so he spends his time with his new friend inside a pup tent he bought on Amazon.com. Delivery took one day. July 29, 2013. Panorama Travel News|
|Rand Paul Selects Running Mate! Paul also plans to sue the NSA. Most Republicans are calling Edward J. Snowden a traitor but Rand Paul says he's a whistle blower and plans to use the classified information leaked as a basis for his Presidential campaign in 2016. June 25, 2013. Whistle Blower Weekly|
|Young Libertarian King Receives Counsel! Campaign war strategy progresses. The young king's father may posess the real power behind the Iron Throne. His advice is essential to realizing the family's lifelong quest for power over all the many kingdoms of the realm. May 16, 2013. Westeros Raven Reporter|
|Young Heir To Throne Declares War! Campaign begins for 2016. In a malicious attack on the integrity of his presumed main rival the young Libertarian king launched the inevitable war for the Iron Throne and governance over all the many kingdoms of the realm. May 13, 2013. Westeros Raven Reporter|
|Rand Paul and Mario Rubio Look For Latino Support! The GOP Latino Outreach Plan reportedly includes a nationwide Taco Bell Tour for Summer 2013. Republican leaders analyzed their 2012 election defeat and came to the conclusion that they've been looking for Latino love in all the wrong places. Rand Paul and Marco Rubio plan to visit more than 40 shopping mall food courts where Taco Bells are located. March 20, 2013. Food Court Press|
|CPAC Split Leaves GOP A Hot Mess! Libertarians and Tea Party conservatives rock and rail against GOP bosses. Paul Rand won the straw poll and Mario Rubio came in second in a generational rejection of mainstream Republicans like Mitt Romney, Karl Rove, Jeb Bush and basically anybody who ever had anything to do with George W. Bush, the party's infamous and unmentioned pariah. This new generation of conservatives is finished with nation building, diplomacy and foreign aid. They don't promote doing anything positive and don't care if the military budget is slashed which is blasphemy to traditional GOP dogma. But first things first and for now their focus is on taking over the leadership of a Republican party that was defeated so soundly in the last election. March 17, 2013. Libertarian Music Monthly|
| Ron Paul's Revolution Is Alive!
The election of Ron Paul's son, Rand, as Kentucky's U.S. Senator, suggests the ideological beliefs of Ron Paul may suddenly become mainstream. If a Ron Paul 2012 Presidential campaign catches fire like it did in 2008 and you add the Tea Party superstar Rand Paul it's a father and son tag team ticket that might be unstoppable. Independents might register Republican to vote for a family instead of a family values slogan. Ron Paul ran miles better in 2008 than he gets credit for. As a huge underdog, Ron Paul almost stopped the doomed McCain nomination. If the great spirit of his former national campaign operation were to rise to life from the ashes with the powerful energy directed by the warrior son the great powwow in the sky will be seen by all on the face of the clouds.
November 26, 2010. Paul Family Indian Guides
| Rand Paul Exasperated After Debate!|
The Senate contest in Kentucky between Rand Paul and Jack Conway is now rated R. Across the country Republican Tea Party candidates are starting to wilt under a withering media attack from Democrats and others. Ron Paul is just one candidate taking pot shots from all directions. Many in the media have also pinned the labels of goofy, wacky and nutty on other Republican Tea Party candidates like Sharron Angle in Nevada, Christine O'Donnell in Delaware and Joe Miller In Alaska. The list of erratic behavior by Republican Tea Party candidates is growing every day and their political handlers are keeping their fingers crossed and hoping their rookie candidates will somehow avoid a fatal embarrassing gaffe that might cost them the election. Even if one or more of the Tea Party candidates do win they will likely meet a stone wall of indifference on the part of establishment Republican Party leaders once they get to Washington D.C.
October 20, 2010. Rand Paul Family Residence in Kentucky
| Debate Turns Into Louisville Slugfest!
Kentucky Senate race between Rand Paul and Jack Conway turns to ugly mama put down brawl. According to Democratic candidate Jack Conway, Rand Paul's mama is so ugly that Rand belonged to a secret college society that mocked Christianity, called the Bible a hoax and said the name of his God was "Aqua Buddha". According to outraged Republican candidate Paul, Conway's mama is so ugly that her son has no decency and is a shameless liar. "You know how we know when you're lying? Your lips are moving," a pissed off Paul said while coming unglued. Conway continued on about how Paul's mama is so ugly her son is an wacky extremist who is so way out there and gone he's playing center field from the parking lot.
Paul refused to shake Conway's hand at the end of the debate. Neither candidate's mama was in the audience at the University of Louisville but animal control officers were standing by just in case.
October 19, 2010. University of Louisville Mudd Wrestling Arena
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