DailyRacingRag.com - November 2011

Cain Train Derails After Mounting Sexy Boxcar
Herman's nasty baggage spills into public view!
The Cain Train may be totaled and is completely off the rails. Cain's latest clusterfuck is the revelation of a 13-year adulterous extramarital sexual affair with an Atlanta businesswoman. Cain denied he ever rode that booty train.
November 30, 2011. Atlanta Railroad Central.

L'Mitt Boxed In!
L'Mitt frantically dodging tomatoes and attack ads from both Republicans and Democrats. L' Pete's Sake! Romney is the only Republican candidate that Democrats have been running attack ads against and now with GOP verbiage dirigible Newt Gingrich floating high aloft the GOP tent and polling first in many polls, L'Mitt has been triangulated like a truffle muffin and is feeling frantic as a Frenchman in a free dance fire drill. Can Mitt find his way out of this imaginary paper bag or recyclable cardboard box?
November 29, 2011. Le Mitt Royale Revue.

A fourth Gingrich marriage may anger God.

Can Jesus Accept A Fourth Marriage?
If Mitt becomes a Newter for Republican unity, will their marriage engender an Evangelical backlash?
Newt Gingrich will need the full support of a newtered Mitt Romney for the general election and Mitt will assume the running mate position in order to get into the White House and be just a heartbeat from the Presidency. "Mittens" knows that succession may be the only way left to get the top job.
November 28, 2011. GOP Mobile Think Tank.

Newt Says Security Before Liberty!
No need for Bill of Rights!
Newt Gingrich has a palace to lounge about and keeping mobs of protestors at a distance is his top priority. Gingrich has pocketed over $120 million selling access and influence with Congress and has accumulated a vast horde of Gingrich historical memorabilia that a mob with pitchforks might desecrate.
November 25, 2011. Gingrich Palace.

Gingrich became wealthy after being run out of Congress for ethics violations.

Newt Made Fortune For Advice From Fortune Cookies!
He ate the cookies too!
Newt Gingrich parlayed his former career as Speaker of the House into a fat multimillion dollar fortune. Newt's bank accounts have grown morbidly obese by establishing conservative think tanks and organizations for fat fees and continuing fat cash payments. As a consultant for fat cats and flush corporations Newt Inc. has gobbled up a very full figure over $120 million since leaving Congress in disgrace. In the history of Congress no one has ever cashed in for more cash after leaving and that's why Newt is fat, flush and living in a Virginia mega-mansion. He's been so busy padding his fat wallet he forgot what a disgraced hypocrite he is. His ego has become so swollen that his vanity campaign for President was assured. If arrogance was bottled as fragrance Newt's sweat would be the top selling scent of all time.
November 23, 2011. Gingrich Estate Fat Sauna.

Mr. T-Party No More
Herman Cain's former fans now pity the fool. Herman's popularity has plummeted like a Chilean coal miner as his countless boneheaded gaffes, goofs and missteps have dominated late night comedy for weeks. Four women are still accusing Cain of sleazeball behavior and he's done nothing to mollify the heebie jeebies of Tea Party prudes and evangelicals. Cain's popularity with women is a long gone mole burrowed deep into the earth. Cain continues to be a serial denier about the sexual harassment allegations and now he's also denying that his campaign is sagging like an overloaded fanny pack.
November 22, 2011. Mister T Party Magazine

Many Tea Party followers now pity the fool.

Gingrich says laws against child labor are truly stupid.

Gingrich Says Slave The Children!
Claims laws against child labor are "truly stupid"!
Newt Gingrich says all unionized school janitors should be fired and replaced by child toilet scrubbers and floor polishers. Gingrich would also like to employ cub scouts to carry him around his Virginia estate in his favorite Tiffany's sedan chair. Gingrich insists poor kids could be serving his needs today if not for stupid child labor laws. Gingrich left Congress in disgrace for ethics violations but was still able to get pig rich and rake in over $120 million selling his access to Congress.
November 21, 2011. Gingrich Hills Plantation.

Bachmann Sings "I'm Your Man"
Genderbender claims to have a titanium spine and big silver balls of uranium.
Nobody in the room dared asked if they could check those facts proving the point. With so many weaknesses emerging in the other candidates Bachmann makes the case that they need to "man up". The angry twirling minds of the Tea Party wing faction Bachmann claims to represent say the challenge ahead is too big for little boys and boyish behavior like genital grabbing, brain freezing or flip flopping on GOP approved factual issue distortions. Bachmann is used to being the man of the house and vows to kick ass and take no sick or wounded prisoners in the war on Obamacare.
November 17, 2011. Tea Party Rally Revue.

Newt's Secret Sauce!
Gingrich received $2 million from Freddie Mac!
Newt Gingrich is the new sandwich of the month and topped a recent GOP national poll. The meltdowns of Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry and Herman Cain have left an opening and like the perennial McRib sandwich Gingrich is back on the menu. Newt is enjoying his moment of glory but it is almost certain to be temporary because they also take that same sandwich off the menu every year as people get sick of it. Newt has more ruffage than a salad bar with a wide selection of choices like adultery, gluttony, dishonesty and hypocrisy.
November 16, 2011. GOP CheeseBurger Barn.

Cain Jobs Plan Comes Up Short!
Despite his thick resume Cain's jobs package is lacking and may be unpopular with women!
Herman Cain has been providing employment opportunuities for attractive young women his entire life. However, the Cain jobs strategy does not provide any assistance for less than attractive women. A fourth female accuser has come forward with attorney and political grim reaper Gloria Allred to explain the Cain jobs plan. After a night of expense account dining and alcohol plying Cain put his hand up the skirt of the job seeker and pushed her head down on his bulging package saying "You want a job, right?" She rejected the "suck or you're outta luck" offer. All prostitutes know what Herman meant when he said "If you're broke... look into the mirror".
November 8, 2011. Gloria Allred Thunderdome

Cain may have judged a Hooter's contest.

Cain Campaign Kept In The Dark!
Herman Cain did not reveal he was a PLAYYA!
When Herman Cain was top dog at the National Restaurant Association from 1996 to 1999 he rarely missed any restaurant business events like Miss Hooters bikini contests. Cain was a judge at more than one event but didn't mention it to his campaign manger who has resumed a bad smoking habit from the stress. Old political pros know sexy scandals are hard to handle and may last longer than anyone wants. Cain's sexy scandal is not even close to climax despite Cain's refusal to answer questions on the subject.
November 7, 2011. CSI Herman Cain Report.

Big As Wienergate!
UK betting on Cain sexual harassment scandal!
Current odds are 2-1 that more than three claims were filed and 5-1 the total number of women will stay at three. If the settlement cash payouts total stay under $100,000 that bet will pay 2-1. Over $100,000 cash payouts pays 6-1.
November 3, 2011. Harrah's London Sports Book.

Cain's Restaurant Job Had Perks!
Says sexual harassment wasn't even necessary! Cain has a huge problem. When he was the head honcho at the National Restaurant Association between 1996 and 1999 two women employees filed sexual harrassment claims against Cain and were paid five figure cash settlements to keep quiet forever. The Cain campaign hopes this sex scandal doesn't play out like Tiger Woods who eventually had more than 19 women come forward with public allegations. If the sexual harassment details keep getting juicier it's possible the Herman Cain train may have jumped the track en route to the GOP nomination. Herman's dicey denials are a steamy smorgasbord of choppy clarifications.
November 1, 2011. Cain Resume Photo Album.

Al-Awlaki's Final Seconds On Tape!
Hellfire missile finds American-born terrorist in Yemen desert.
Anwar al-Awlaki was humming along in his just-washed 1988 Mercedes Benz on the highway crossing the hot Yemen desert in the Al Jawf region and talking jihad to Samir Kahn, his webmaster and only other known American-born al-Qaeda terrorist and then... Byaaaang! He's soot. President Obama announced the development adding he's run out of influential American-born radical al-Qaeda terrorists to vaporize.
October 6, 2011. Yemen Blockbuster Video.