DailyRacingRag.com - March 2012

GOP Adopts Mayan Calendar! House Republicans play for end of the world. Republicans say the world will end if President Obama is re-elected and claim the Mayan calendar backs them up. Many Republicans fear this election may be their last chance at the glory of victory.
March 31, 2012. End Of Days Party News

Don't Eat The Chocolate! Poisonous GOP budget plan unbelieveably offers more tax breaks for billionaires at the expense of seniors and poor people. The Republican budget plan is a despicable betrayal of American ideals. It amounts to institutionalized grand theft of taxpayer dollars to benefit billionaires who own the Republican party outright. All their traitorous billionaire minions called Republican legislators have sold their souls to be busboys and serving winches for the ruling billionaire elite and it should make you sick. Democracy in America has never been so close to death as the wealthy are now in charge of deciding what is right and wrong and the American people get no more respect than insects. Many folks now just want to say Fuck You GOP, your members of Congress are evil despicable cowards.
March 30, 2012. Armageddon Comics

Supreme Death Panel U.S. Supreme Court prepares to impose death sentence on millions of uninsured sick people with pre-existing conditions. "Welfare of the people" has been deemed irrelevant in this unprecedented power grab by conservative right wing Republican justices. If these conservatives justices in the Supreme Court overturn a law passed by Congress for the first time in 75 years the result will be what Sarah Palin called a Federal Government Death Panel. She predicted it would be composed of bureaucrats appointed by Obama but she was wrong. The Supreme Court of the United States is about to sentence millions of people to financial ruin and death over a disputed point of Constitutional law. The five conservative right wing Republican justices, which include Scalia, Kennedy, Thomas, Alito and Roberts will have the blood of millions of Americans on their hands and will likely burn in hell for all eternity. March 29, 2012. Armageddon Comics

Supreme Court Mulls Superpowers! It's life or death for Obamacare as Supreme Court considers biggest Justice Branch power grab in U.S. history. 80 years of legislation based on the Commerce clause of the U.S. Constitution is at risk. Social Security, Medicare, Civil Rights, environmental protections, auto safety and fuel statndards could all be overturned if the Court decides Congress has exceeded it's authority by regulating interstate commerce. Until this legal strategy recently became a means for the right wing to attack Obamacare the concept had rarely even been considered because it is extreme and radical judicial activism on steroids. If Obamacare is ruled unconstitutional new lawsuits on old previously settled subjects will be filed by the thousands ensuring full employment for constitutional lawyers for decades to come. March 27, 2012. Supereme Ego Comics

Michele Bachmann
Haley Barbour pardoned Mitt Romney
John Boehner
Michael Bloomberg
John Bolton endorsed Mitt Romney
Herman Cain endorsed Newt Gingrich
Eric Cantor endorsed Mitt Romney
Chris Christie endorsed Mitt Romney
Mitch Daniels
Newt Gingrich

Mike Huckabee
Jon Huntsman endorsed Mitt Romney
Bobby Jindal endorsed Rick Perry
Gary Johnson endorsed Ron Paul
Rush Limbaugh
John McCain endorsed Mitt Romney
Mitch McConnell
Grover Norquist
President Barack Obama
Sarah Palin endorsed Newt Gingrich

Tim Pawlenty endorsed Mitt Romney
Rand Paul endorsed Ron Paul
Ron Paul
Mike Pence
Rick Perry endorsed Newt Gingrich
Harry Reid endorsed President Obama
Mitt Romney
Rick Santorum
John Thune endorsed Mitt Romney
Donald Trump endorsed Mitt Romney

DAILY RACING RAG
EXCLUSIVE SPECIAL REPORTS!
If everybody else had these exclusive special reports they wouldn't be exclusive or special.

Santorum Louisiana victory celebration subdued.

Santorum Victory Party Subdued! Parade goes just once around the block. Rick Santorum easily won the Louisiana GOP primary backed by right wing conservatives with whom the message of time travel to the past resonated like a Confederate flag. The only science accepted in Louisiana is oil science and the Santorum platform of climate change denial and creationism appeals to the most poorly educated populace in America. Runner-up Mitt Romney spun out on a delta oil slick attempting an irrationally hard right turn.
March 26, 2012. Holy Santorum News

Romney Connects In Land Of Lincolns! Wealthy Republicans from Chicago and suburbs support Romney. Romney has said he not only wants to keep the budget-busting Bush tax cuts, he wants another 20% tax cut for the wealthiest of the wealthy. Not surprisingly Romney is the overwhelming favorite of Republican billionaires, millionaires and wanna be millionaires almost everywhere greed runs rampant. Romney's simple message of more money for the wealthy is easy to grasp. Meanwhile Mitt's rival, Rick Santorum, is wandering in the weeds downstate trying to sell his personal definition of a Christian God that is very angry at women and contraception. March 20, 2012. Lincoln Limo Leader

Santorum Pledges Allegiance To God! Santorum's God says founding fathers were all wrong about separation of church and state. Rick Santorum is on a religious crusade that will not stop until Rick Santorum is just a bad memory and footnote of American politics. Until then, a flood of sanctimonious horseshit like a Santorum rewrite of the pledge of allegiance will be the least of America's problems in a Santorum led Armageddon.
March 17, 2012. Holy Santorum News

Santorum Puzzled In Puerto Rico! Says speak English for Christ sakes. Rick Santorum couldn't understand what the hell the Puerto Ricans were saying and it was very frustrating because he couldn't tell if he was being cheered or jeered when he falsely claimed Puerto Rico must make English the official language before applying for statehood. Whenever Santorum attacked President Obama in his speech the crowd cheered wildly when they should have booed which made Santorum wonder why the hell was he in Puerto Rico anyway.
March 15, 2012. Chico's Puerto Rico News

Santorum Finds Support Up The Yazoo! Rick Santorum's Mississippi victory attributed to overwhelming conservative support along Mississippi's scenic Yazoo River. Santorum won both Mississippi and Alabama spoiling Mitt Romney's victory march to what may now be a divided GOP convention in August. Newt Gingrich was the biggest loser since his must-win Southern strategy was proven a Southern self-delusion. March 14, 2012. Yazoo City Slicker

The Foxworthy Effect! Poll says 63% of Alabama GOP thinks voracious Chinese carp were intentionally released by Chinese Communists into U.S. freshwater lakes in order to destroy the American bass fishing industry. Romney responded by saying he would go after the Chinese by introducing an even more voracious American-bred carpus trumpus which is bred to devour it's own weight in Chinese fish daily and still be hungry.
March 13, 2012. Southern Bass Magazine

CONSERVATIVE Is Now A Dirty Word! Limbaugh may have spewed too much vomitive commentary under the brand name of Conservative for too many years. A majority of all Americans now find Rush Limbaugh and his Conservative parrots' vomitus disgusting, dishonest, offensive and of zero redeeming social value. Rush Limbaugh, who also made "liberal" a dirty word years ago, has done and said everything he possibly can to become the most despised person on talk radio and in politics in general. Recently, in PMM word association tests the most common response to the word Conservative was asshole! March 12, 2012. Pottery Mouth Monthly

Creativism Is Born!
Irreconcilable hyprocisies merge in hybrid comparmentalized belief system for the purpose of aiding Republicans quest for power. Since the idiocy of such a complicated concept is invisible to a ranting Tea Party stormtrooper or a proselytizing Evangelical Bible thumper only a slogan and single dog whistle keyword is necessary. Secret GOP political strategists, former convicted con men and blackballed advertising consultants have developed what some call a potentially brilliant political startegy of "Creativism for an Obamaless America". Worried Democrats say the strategy, if successful, would lead to an "Obamaless Pit" of misery and despair for working class Americans.
March 12, 2012. Sales Philosophy Weekly

Santorum Takes Caucus In Kansas! Right-wing Evangelicals and Tea Parties employ Kansas Caucus umpires so victory was predicted but still impressive. Rick has been pitching great ball for the Chicken Hawks considering the payroll of the opposition teams especially the Romneyville Vultures. If Santorum wins both games in Mississippi and Alabama on March 13 he'll have a good chance of playing all the way to the World Series GOP convention in August. Unfortunately, Chicken Hawk Santorum continues to pitch a reckless warmonger curve ball that makes fans squirm and yet is a bright yellow chicken-feathered coward when it comes to calling out Rush Limbaugh for slanderous attacks on female spectators.
March 11, 2012. Kansas Caucus Cackler

Limbaugh Adds New Sponsor!
Factory in China taking huge orders. Chinese workers making the original "Douchebaugh" are happy and so is factory manager Eu Wong. He's never heard Rush but says he likes making the water bags with Limbaugh's face on it because he just bought a new BMW with his profit. He hopes Mr. Limbaugh will say more comments that cause controversy.
March 8, 2012. China Products Report

Romney Accepts Rush Apology!
Mitt gladly goes prostitute to keep Limbaugh in bed with Romney campaign. Rush Limbaugh called women who use contraceptives sluts and prostitutes. And if they get their birth control free because of Obama's healthcare plan, Rush has demanded to watch those women having sex in online videos. After 12 sponsors quit, Rush Limbaugh apologized, sort of, but only for the use of two words. Romney forgave Rush immediately and put on a sexy black dress he hopes keeps Rush horny for a snug fit with Mitt because Mitt cannot win in November without Rush Limbaugh at his back.
March 4, 2012. Romney After Dark

Aspirin Isn't Working For Rush!
Limbaugh is the soul of a GOP determined to exclude as many women as possible. Rush Limbaugh called women who use contraceptives sluts and prostitutes. And if they get their birth control free because of Obama's healthcare plan, Rush said he thinks that he and all taxpayers should be able to watch those women having sex on videos. Rush Limbaugh is a Republican political propagandist and blatant liar who manipulates millions of morons who vote Republican. Rush does all the thinking for his mob of slobs called "ditto heads" because they get all their facts from Rush Limbaugh and that means they are pathetically misinformed and ignorant.
March 2, 2012. Limbaugh Brainwash Bulletin

Al-Awlaki's Final Seconds On Tape!
Hellfire missile finds American-born terrorist in Yemen desert. Anwar al-Awlaki was humming along in his just-washed 1988 Mercedes Benz on the main highway crossing the hot Yemeni desert in the Al Jawf region and talking jihad with Samir Kahn, his webmaster and only other known American-born al-Qaeda terrorist, and then... Byaaaaang! He's soot. President Obama announced the development adding we've run out of influential American-born radical al-Qaeda terrorists to vaporize.
October 6, 2011. Yemen Blockbuster Video.