DailyRacingRag.com - January 2012

Gingrich Promises Moon Colony!
$2 trillion dollar spending spree for space program.
Newt Gingrich was in full blown grandiose conceptual ecstasy and got carried away pandering to a Florida Space Coast audience about the future of space exploration under a Gingrich administration. Just like when George Bush promised a manned mission to Mars everybody in the audience knew that Newt's promise was nothing but an astronomical whopper that will never happen with a federal budget deficit over $15 trillion dollars. Newt Gingrich is well known for a seemingly unending supply of pie-in-the-sky ideas but this moon pie-in-the-sky idea will not fly.
January 29, 2012. Space Mountain Observer

Wolf Bites Back!
Gingrich bitten trying to unleash the hounds on CNN debate moderator.
Newt's supporters love it when Newt turns into the raging bully and attacks the news media at least once in every debate. The more personal and vicious the attacks the more his fans squeal in delight. Last week Gingrich surged in South Carolina after attacking CNN moderator John King and inciting a near mob frenzy. However, this week Wolf Blitzer wasn't going to step into Newt's wolf trap. Blitzer shoved Newt's mob-goading wolf cry of "nonsense question" back into Gingrich's face with a tiny lip-twitching snarl and distinct smell of revenge. Newt eventually answered the question after Romney ridiculed Gingrich for being a weasel.
January 27, 2012. Florida Mountain Press

President Obama's 2012 State Of The Union Address

2012 State Of The Union Address!
In the current class warfare President Obama says it's just common sense to support the side with 99% of all Americans!
Billionaires don't need tax rates lower than their employees. They have trust funds, hedge funds, stocks, bonds, overseas investments, mineral rights, royalties, luxury homes and luxury cars. 99% of the people get a better deal when the 1% pays the same percentage as everybody else. Tired old Republican excuses for corporate welfare and unfair tax subsidies for billionaires have never sounded more like dishonest crap. 99% of Americans clearly know what is unfair and wrong.
January 24, 2012. Obama SOTU Yearly

Gingrich Family Says It's All Good! Newt promises to dramatically increase number of blondes in the White House. The talk of the town is that Newt's wife number two (far left in photo) told ABC news that Newt asked for an open marriage and that wife number three (second from left in photo) who was at the time Newt's mistress of six years, was okay with the idea of a hot three-way blonde bomb. Newt suggested it would have been the ideal logistical arrangement since, because of his big love for America, he was spending so much of his time stuck in Washington D.C. pursuing a partisan impeachment trial of President Clinton. Wife number two who was Newt's mistress during his marriage to wife number one (far right in photo) said no at the time but may be reconsidering because even though she also said Newt was not fit to be President and six years of a cheating lying bastard and his gold-digging home-wrecking mistress in your face could make one bitter... winning does work wonders and Newt has forgiven himself so if wife number two can find forgiveness for Newt she may also find a guest bedroom in the White House.
January 21, 2012. Gingrich E-Soap Digest

Romney Plan For Underwater Florida Homeowners: Eat More Fish!
None of the Republican candidates have a specific housing plan.
Economists say the solution to the housing crisis is reemploying the more than six million people who lost their jobs in the recession. People need jobs to buy houses and make mortgage payments and that will not change because of political rhetoric. Once the demand surpasses the supply home values will begin to rise again. If underwater homeowners live long enough and keep making their payments most will eventually recover their lost equity.
January 21, 2012. Florida Homes & Seafood

Romney to underwater homeowners: eat more fish.

Santorum says it's not his job to correct old ladies crazy ideas.

Santorum Says It's Not His Job To Correct Old Ladies!
Santorum says he's not obligated to go around correcting old ladies that think he's in heat like an alley cat and so sexually tormented that he's deliriously lusting for a manly war with Iran.
Some mothers of gays and lesbians are certain that his homophobia and repressed sexual urges have built up such an unnatural rage inside him that Rick, who never served in the military, is now the most warmongering chicken hawk in the GOP race. Santorum promised to slaughter thousands in a war to prevent Iran from developing the ability to build a nuclear bomb.
January 20, 2012. San Francisco Daily Digestor

Ali Fights Back!
2012 GOP race relations and warmongering indistinguishable from 1968. Sadly, the audiences at the 2012 GOP debates have frequently resembled snarling mobs. They cheer warmongering calls to commit acts of war and preemptive strikes against nations that are not declared enemies. They cheer executions including the killing of U.S. citizens abroad without capture or trial. They boo a black journalist who took offense at racial slurs. They boo a U.S. Marine in Afghanistan for being gay. They cheer poor people dying in the streets and they cheer denying American citizens basic healthcare. These folks could not be more tone deaf to the words of both Jesus Christ and Thomas Jefferson. The cause is peace. The cause is justice. Liberty and justice for all.
January 19, 2012. South Carolina Sermonator

Chicken hawk says dawgs lack work ethic.

Boy, I Say Boy!
Chicken hawk eggs on howls of protests by attacking barnyard dawgs for lack of work ethic.
This Martin Luther King national holiday Newt Gingrich saw fit to attack poor black kids for lacking a work ethic and insulted the only black man asking questions at the FOX South Carolina debate. Gingrich bloviated on and on in a pompous southern style about the necessity of getting an early start on a lifetime of miserable degrading toil and topped off his ignorant inappropriate race-baiting bombast by calling Obama a food stamp President and rejecting Juan Williams suggestion that many folks take offense to that remark. The entire GOP henhouse audience erupted in a frenzy of full-feathered cluckin' and booed the questioner into a hangdog whimper. Williams was kept on a tight leash for the remainder of the debate held in the big barn at South Carolina's historic Hangin' Tree Farms.
January 18, 2012. Myrtle Beach Cooter

Evangelicals Anoint Santorum! Conservative Evangelical Christian leaders gathered in the Texas wilderness to select the one true Republican savior and settled for Rick Santorum.
Evangelical religious leaders meeting over the weekend have circled their prayer wagons around Rick Santorum who surprisingly received an overwhelming majority after only two ballots. Rick Santorum is now the official right-wing church sanctioned anti-Romney Republican candidate. Church leaders felt Santorum's two-fer of well documented hatred for gays and lesbians and his promise to start an unauthorized war with Iran and slaughter thousands of Iranians, best demonstrated the Texas gathering's understanding of Christianity and their deep belief in the the King Of Peace, Jesus Christ.
January 17, 2012. Texas Word Of God News

You Go Gargoyles!
Romney support in stone.
Gargoyles gathered in Jersey City were prepared to leap into their first political campaign since their installations by filthy rich robber barons in the late 1800's. With a wealthy vulture capitalist candidate running, hopes here are high for a new generation of gargoyles and a continuation of this statuesque species.
January 14, 2012. Gargoyle Gazette Reporter

Perry Has Proof!
Romney and Bain Capital epitomized get rich quick vulture capitalism.
Rick Perry says Mitt Romney and Bain Capital were vulture capitalists and not venture capitalists. Perry hammered Romney over and over about the thousands of jobs lost in South Carolina as a direct result of Bain Capital shutting down factories in South Carolina, sending the jobs overseas and pocketing over $100 million dollars in profits but leaving behind a landscape of ruined lives and families. Romney made a habit of posing for victory photos with his fellow corporate raiders at Bain Capital during frequent celebrations of shuttered factories, job layoffs and looting millions of dollars from companies they bought. Bain's biggest profits were made directly off the suffering of thousands of working people who lost their jobs because of the predatory vulture capitalism perfected by Bain Capital and Mitt Romney.
January 13, 2012. Perry's Whoopass News

Rick Perry says Mitt Romney and Bain Capital were vulture capitalists.

Boss Sets Duke Brothers Free!
Haley Barbour issues pardons to 200 on last day as Mississippi Governor. Haley "Boss" Barbour shocked everybody in Mississippi with the pardons. Five murderers who were in prison one week ago have now hightailed it to parts unknown. The outrage was instant on account of a couple of those pardoned included the notorious Duke brothers of Hazard County who had been confined to TNN and CMT prisons since 1985. Locals are worried sick that Bo 'N' Luke are gonna show up and raise a ruckus.
January 12, 2012. Mississippi Jacksonator.

Clown Car Comes To South Carolina!
Nobody will quit despite another win for Mitt.
Mitt Romney won the GOP primary in the state of New Hampshire with 39.4% of the vote. Ron Paul was second with 22.8% and Jon Huntsman was third with 16.8%. Newt Gingrich was fourth with 9.4%, Rick Santorum was fifth with 9.3% and Rick Perry sixth with 0.7%. Perry's New Hampshire showing was so doggone poor he was forced to ride in the crate atop Mitt's station wagon at the South Carolina welcome parade. If one of the other clowns can't gain on the frontrunner in South Carolina this circus may, sadly, be folding it's tent early. The 47 other states would also like their chance to see as many of these clowns as possible before the nomination is clinched.
January 11, 2012. South Carolina Circus News

Meet The Real Mitt, You're Fired!
Romney says he likes being able to fire people!
Mitt Romney was on the campaign trail in New Hampshire when he let the real Mitt slip out of the bag with an off script comment about switching healthcare providers after Romney guts the current healthcare system on day one of a Romney administration. Romney was trying to explain that under his plan to end Medicare, by substituting limited healthcare vouchers, you can easily fire anybody providing services you're not satisfied with. Mitt explained it as if the act of firing your doctor or therapist was in itself therapeutic and would provide long term health benefits equivalent to the medical care you will not receive once your voucher is spent. The idea of firing folks certainly thrills Mitt Romney who got visibly excited at that point and gleefully proclaimed how much he enjoyed firing people who didn't provide services up to his standards and satisfaction. Mitt Romney's personality is, not surprisingly, a lot like Donald Trump's as both men are filthy rich rich guys who are driven by massive egos, an overblown sense of entitlement, obsessed with endless self-promotion and possessed by the incredible level of pure greed necessary to amass obscene fortunes like theirs. Likewise, terminating employees has always been a source of joy for both men.
January 10, 2012. Mitt's Makeover Monthly

Mitt Still Not Cooked!
Flaming hoops next Survivor series challenge for Mitt Romney.
After two debates in 12 hours and the New Hampshire primary only a day away, Mitt has yet to be roasted and salted but still has a few flaming hoops to jump through before he can claim the GOP nomination. The other candidates helped Mitt by attacking each other on Saturday night but Sunday morning they went after the frontrunner with a religous fervor. Romney's roast left Mitt baked a bit but not deep fried and despite his poll numbers dropping while Paul and Huntsman are gaining, Romney still has a large lead in New Hampshire. The bad news for Mitt Romney is that a right-wing billionaire just donated $5 million dollars to a pro-Gingrich Super-PAC for the sole purpose of putting a major league propaganda hit on Mitt.
January 9, 2012. New Hampshire Survivor Dome

Obama Volunteers On The March!
Tens of thousands working for re-election of President Obama!
They're not millionaires. They don't have trust funds, hedge funds, overseas investments, royalties or mineral rights. They aren't living the easy life on Easy Street and there won't be any yachting this summer. They are the people that are working hard but had a hard time finding that hard work. They may not be in the genius category but they don't need a house call from Dr. House to diagnose they've been backstabbed by Republican politicians carrying water for greedy corporations and an elite wealthy class that live like kings and dismiss the desperate needs of the many as trivial and an agonizing bore.
January 8, 2012. Obama Marching Station

Paul Calls Out Chicken Hawk!
Angry Paul blasts tough talking politicians who avoided military service!
Of all the candidates only Ron Paul and Rick Perry ever served in the military. Newt Gingrich got a deferment from serving in Viet Nam because of his first wife and two children. Ron Paul was also drafted with a wife and two children but did not shirk his duty to America and served with honor. Paul called it his pet peeve saying people like Gingrich who avoided military service when they had the chance to serve had no right to send young Americans into wars. Ron Paul has received more donations from active duty military personnel than all other candidates combined.
January 7, 2012. New Hampshire Farms Debate

Ron Paul blasted Newt Gingrich for being a chicken hawk.

McCain For Whom?
Maverick McCain still gets laughs on campaign trail!
Rick Perry was dissappointed not receiving the endorsement of one his favorite comedians but ended up laughing his ass off (LMAO) anyway. John McCain meant to endorse Mitt Romney but when he gave his speech he accidently said Barack Obama instead of Mitt Romney. Perry laughed out loud (LOL) watching McCain's own "oops moment". The Maverick was hilarious as he squirmed out of his accidental Obama endorsment. Not as funny is Rick Perry's campaign which fell flat in New Hampshire where he last polled under 2%. Rick remains upbeat having been assured a future comedy career and "Funniest Bloopers" hosting slot on the FOX television network.
January 6, 2012. Dusty's Campaign Trail News

A Mitt For All Seasons!
Sarcastic Senator McCain endorses the new Mitt!
Following his eight vote landslide victory in Iowa Mitt Romney stepped off his chartered private jet to New Hampshire and was greeted by John McCain at an event announcing his endorsement of Romney. Nobody knows how to lose an election to Barack Obama more than John McCain so Mitt was thrilled. Mitt now owns the voodoo economics wing of the center right splinter group of the mainstrem Republican portion of the non-Tea Party division of the Republican Party. Romney wore a new sweater vest and chatted in a folksy style. The recent success of Rick Santorum obviously influenced Mitt's newest makeover but for Pete's sake! Mitt has proven time and again he can look or sound like anybody Republicans want him to look or sound like.
January 5, 2012. Mitt's Makeover Monthly

Lord Mitt Romney Wins Iowa Caucus! 8-piece chicken dinner from KFC costs Santorum.
When the sun came up Wednesday morning Mitt Romney attended his coronation photo session on the Iowa Corn Throne as official winner of the Iowa Republican Caucus. Romney and his Super PACs spent enough money on the victorious campaign to purchase over 3000 acres of Iowa corn fields. Rick Santorum lost by 8 votes after a home-schooled bus driver ordered the 8-piece KFC combo and arrived at the caucus site too late to caucus. Ron Paul finished a close third followed by Newt Gingrich, Rick Perry and Michele Bachmann.
January 4, 2012. Iowa Corn Throne

Santorum Rally Cornfuses Experts!
Santorum gains in Iowa even as Romney rolls out million dollar gold plated campaign ad machine!
Rick Santorum has been toiling near the bottomland of Iowa polls for weeks but suddenly his campaign is plowing into the top tier territory for the first time ever. Santorum has run family-filled ads featuring his seven home-schooled children and apparently Iowa's children of the corn have responded in bushel baskets. Other candidates have leveled few attacks at Santorum assuming he was a scarecrow but the latest GOP Almanac has been but a booklet of bad predictions from the beginning.
January 2, 2012. Iowa Cornrow Highway

Santorum is challenging Romney's gold plated campaign machine.

Santorum Promises War With Iran!
Giddy Rick is war monger politician for Christ's sake!
Rick Santorum has as much love for his home-schooled family as he has hatred for the Islamic peoples of Iran who would differ in opinion from a sweater-vested American warmonger who is eager to bomb them into martyrdom. Santorum has made his guarantee of a U.S. military attack on Iran and the apocalyptic war to follow his most passionate campaign promise. A win in Iowa may mean evangelicals have voted for a holy war on Iran.
January 1, 2012. Iowa Killing Fields

Al-Awlaki's Final Seconds On Tape!
Hellfire missile finds American-born terrorist in Yemen desert. Anwar al-Awlaki was humming along in his just-washed 1988 Mercedes Benz on the main highway crossing the hot Yemeni desert in the Al Jawf region and talking jihad with Samir Kahn, his webmaster and only other known American-born al-Qaeda terrorist, and then... Byaaaaang! He's soot. President Obama announced the development adding we've run out of influential American-born radical al-Qaeda terrorists to vaporize.
October 6, 2011. Yemen Blockbuster Video.