DailyRacingRag.com - December 2013

FOX NEWS PRESENTS REAL-AMERICAN NEW YEAR is live on the FOX WHITE CHANNEL New Year Eve. Elisabeth Hasselbeck hosts along with the Dux Klux Klan as they bring in the new year 2014 with the traditional cross burning. Phil the Dux Klan wizard has issued a prayer to his real God that the new year be filled with the brutal deaths of infidel liberals and the colored subspecies that have destroyed America for real American white folks. Phil is feeling quite high and Jesuish lately with his network groveling for more backwoods realism and crowd pleasing hate speech under the guise of Christianity.

FOX NEWS BUBBLE JEOPARDY WITH HOST SARAH PALIN is a new game show featuring FOX news personalities and contributors who are questioned about FOX news talking points and conspiracy theories. Categories include Benghazi, Obamacare disasters, Reasons for impeachment, celebrity patriots, Charles Krauthammer and Duck Dynasty details.

DUCKPLUCKER DYNASTY EPISODE XII DUCK IT"S CHRISTMAS AGAIN is Bag Nation superstar Phil Robertson's politically correct spin-off series in which he tries to repair the damage he did to the family brand nationally after a gay bashing interview in which he vilified gays as evil terrorists and bestiality minded drunkards. In his new series Phil does business with an openly homosexual couple who operate a tawdry swamp duck dinner and deli truck stop restaurant where after his morning duck hunt Phil sells his freshly bagged Christmas ducks under the table for cash.

DKTV and SWEET HOME LOUISIANA WITH BOBBY JINDAL have taken advantage of the controversy about Phil Robertson's comments in a gay magazine to promote heterosexual tourism in Louisiana. Jindal defends Robertson by saying he and his family are great citizens of the great State of Louisiana and that the politically correct crowd is tolerant of all viewpoints except those they disagree with and down here in Louisiana we don't tolerate that kind of intolerance. While we despise deviant minded homosexuals and the like and everything they and the creeping liberal socialist agenda that threatens our great way of life here in the great State of Louisiana we wanna encourage everybody to come on down to the great State of Louisiana and spend some of those tourist dollars.

Wow! In TEATANIC 2 STARRING CHRIS CHRISTIE the action starts with Chris Christie played by Chris Christie celebrating an easy reelection victory for the New Jersey Governor's job. But after someone eats Christie's roast beef sandwich he gets cranky and petty and closes toll booths in the sandwich snatcher's hometown to demonstrate his displeasure and power. As residents fume and the issue slowly brews the key Christie underling involved resigns without comment and the national anti-Christie GOP Tea Party dispatches the Teatanic 2 from South Carolina with the intent of sabotaging Christie's presidential ambitions. In a sign of all out war Tetanic 2 is struck by laser guided torpedoes minutes after entering New Jersey waters and lies on it's side slowly sinking as Christie moves in for the kill. Don't miss this instant action classic.

RAND PAUL in MY WEEK AS MARILYN quite simply is great entertainment. Rand Paul is the Daniel Day-Lewis or Christian Bale of plagiarizing other peoples words as his technique involves total immersion in his subject until their words flow naturally within his own speech. A wizard of shortcuts Paul is able to internalize a lifetime of his subject's words in just seven days and has accumulated an impressive reservoir of rearranged platitudes slogans and reclaimed quotes in his performing repertoire. TP-TV Check your local listings.

SIGNS starring John Boehner is a brand new movie ripped from the headlines at record speed. A schizophrenic deaf language interpreter is given a second chance and comes to America where he receives high praise for his spot on interpretations of Speaker Boehner's remarks in which he angrily blasts Heritage Foundation and other private conservative groups for opposing a bipartisan budget agreement before it's contents were revealed. Boehner in a loud actors stage voice declares those groups are ridiculous and have absolutely zero credibility. And in a pivotal scene when Boehner is asked if he worries about what those groups will think Boehner in his best Clark Gable/Brett Butler voice bellows "I don't give a damn what they think!". Heritage Foundation's stranglehold on a pissed off Boehner is officially dead and gone with the wind.

ART OF AFRICA - FROM THE BRUSH OF BUSH is an upcoming series on West Texas Public Television BBS We Got The Sauce in which former President George W. Bush paints pictures of his favorite sights in Africa. In the premiere episode Bush after returning from Nelson Mandela's funeral in South Africa starts oil painting 16 hours a day to prepare for this public TV series. After learning from his accountant that he can get hefty tax deductions by donating his paintings to charity events Bush quips he's finally succeeded in making money from a Texas oil business.

Sarah Palin is everywhere. In yet another new show SARAH PALIN'S SPECIAL KIND OF STUPID Sarah takes to the great outdoors to sell her love of guns, killing critters and using her unsold books as tent logs. In SARAH'S DUCK HUNT Sarah travels to a Louisiana swamp and intentionally shuns Governor Bobby Jindal to experience the deep woods with an inbred family of swamp duck hunters.

The DAILY BAWLER Saturday morning television program is a conservative tea party outreach effort aimed at pre-educating toddlers on issues of importance to a new generation of programmable conservative consumers. Sponsors include Koch owned manufacturers of ANGEL SOFT TOILET PAPER, QUILTED NORTHERN TOILET PAPER and SOFT 'N GENTLE TOILET PAPER.. All this month in a special Ted Cruz comic coloring activity book giveaway toddlers who email their parents credit card numbers to Ted Cruz get a free coloring book.

THE REVENGE OF BASHIR - CRIME OF THE CENTURY may be the most anticipated new movie of the year. Can you say Oscar? Nobody plays the victim like Sarah Palin and after her victim act gets a TV newsman fired for tastelessly criticizing her remarks about slavery the news turns all bad for Sarah in this action packed thriller. First she's kidnapped by a crazed Martin Bashir and survives a high speed chase bound in a cabin cruiser only to be crushed when a raging Bashir tells her Rupert Murdoch refuses to pay her ransom. "For a billion dollars you can keep her, my man." is Rupert's ice cold refusal to pay in bitcoin.

HOW TO TALK TO WOMEN WITHOUT ANSWERING 1001 BITCHY QUESTIONS is the Republican National Committee's video solution to endless charges of GOP insensitivity. From the "war on women to "legitimate rape" to "vaginal probes" the GOP has become the enemy of women's groups and activists nationwide. RNC Chairman Prince Rapebus decided he'd heard too many angry feminists ranting about sexism so he issued some suggested tips for GOP candidates that Paul Ryan covers here. The video suggestions include only talking to FOX news females knowing that all FOX female anchors work for Rupert Murdoch and are only authorized to parrot Murdoch's personal opinions on any subject. That means softball questions for GOP candidates. Ryan also says it makes it much easier if candidates picture the chest of Murdoch instead of hot female news anchors when speaking about womens issues on FOX. And above all never mention the word rape because similar to racism if you aren't complaining about it on FOX it doesn't exist.

MR.FANTASTIC IN OBAMACARE GOT LEGS finds a divided Fantastic Four but with the help of the Invisible Woman Mr. Fantastic played by Barack Obama is more confidant than ever he can keep the Affordable Care Act moving forward to achieve an improved healthcare system for all Americans. This is a very long movie (18 reeler) and throughout Mr. Fantastic is under constant attack for his superpower of flexibility that Republicans simply don't like and yet he dispatches every foe and still maintains his commitment to the goal of achieving by far the biggest improvement in the American healthcare system in over forty years.

CHILDREN OF THE CORNYN is a horror drama about the effect of the continuous hateful rants coming out the mouth of a Texas Senator up for reelection played by Republican Senator John Cornyn. Cornyn goes around hate talking in order to win the Texas tea party crazy vote but the consequences arrive unexpectedly with a new generation of homicidal Texas toddlers murdering their liberal nannies for the Corn Lord.

The new FOX LEMON CHANNEL movie RUPERT MURDOCH'S WHORE ON CHRISTMAS - A BILLIONAIRE BACHELOR'S CELEBRATION starts out as the result of a late night cocktail party at the musty Playboy mansion with Hugh Hefner and a gang of divorced Hollywood old timers banging down the booze when they hit upon the idea of getting the whole gang together and taking Murdoch's new playmate Sarah Palin to a Las Vegas hotel suite to celebrate Christmas old style. To keep the action fast paced Glenn Rice and the Harlem Globetrotters who happen to be in Vegas join the party at Sarah's request.

FRIED GREEN CHILES - the story of Rafael Cruz de Cuba is a new mini-series movie based on the life and lies of the father of Canadian citizen and Texas Senator Ted Cruz. In the premiere episode "Bat Chit Crazy" Rafael works for visiting band leader Desi Arnaz and gets groped by Lucy while hauling bags to her cabana. From that day on a young Rafael vows to impregnate as many American redheads as possible until the civil war begins and he switches to murdering fellow Cubans for Fidel Castro in the name of Communism. New music from Pit Bull and Yasiel Puig.

Romney Popularity Plummets Out Of Orbit! Exiled landslide loser may join asteroid belt. Mitt Romney's popularity numbers have continued to fall like lead bricks since his humiliating defeat on election day. November 28, 2012. Astral Ejection News

Al-Awlaki's Final Seconds On Tape!
Hellfire missile finds American-born terrorist in Yemen desert.
Anwar al-Awlaki was humming along in his just-washed 1988 Mercedes Benz on the main highway crossing the hot Yemeni desert in the Al Jawf region and talking jihad with Samir Kahn, his webmaster and only other known American-born al-Qaeda terrorist, and then...Byaaaaang! He's soot. President Obama announced the development adding we've run out of influential American-born radical al-Qaeda terrorists to vaporize.
October 6, 2011. Yemen Blockbuster Video.