Daily Racing RagThe Daily Racing Rag
The DAILY RACING RAG offers exclusive original content consisting of illustrated reports on U.S. Presidential Derby contenders and political horse race news of the upcoming 2016 Presidential horse race to the White House. Until that race begins the Daily Racing Rag feels compelled to pitch new ideas for television series and movies based on political events.
DAILY RACING RAG BIG SPECIAL EDITION - SUMMER/FALL previews of new movies in theaters and new TV or online series, special programs and movies!
ADVENTURES OF TURBO CRUZ is a new show to debut on the new FOX BROWN CHANNEL for Latinos. Rupert Murdoch knows Latinos are more interested in chihuahua dog stories than anything on earth and that Latinos also think Cuban-Canadian-American Ted Cruz is the most important Latino in America. Bingo! It didn't take long for the new FOX BROWN executives in their first decision to order up a season full of episodes filmed in Mexico and dubbed in English with a Spanglish accent. Taco Cartel immediately signed on as a signature sponsor and their ads will appear in all promotions and product placements will become one of the running gags on this muy loco and muy funny new comedy show that features a spunky talking two-legged chihuahua who gets around with toy wheels from a Fisher-Price helicopter.
ADVENTURES OF TURBO CRUZ
DAILY RACING RAG BIG SPECIAL EDITION - SUMMER/FALL previews of new movies in theaters and new TV or online series, special programs and movies!
COUGAR DELTA FORCE is a new show that begins with tension heightened by extreme music and deliberate drama as if life and death were at stake but the action is closer to Storage Wars as Sarah Palin has apparently spent hundreds of thousands of dollars buying and assembling an arsenal of obsolete weapons of war including missiles and a Korean War era missile launcher at a secret location the show does not reveal. The good part of the show is when Sarah takes a nap after a rigorous workout and then in a weekly fantasy dream sequence Super Sarah, leader of the awesome Cougar Delta Force, takes on and obliterates the world's most evil villains.
COUGAR DELTA FORCE
DAILY RACING RAG BIG SPECIAL EDITION - SUMMER previews of new movies in theaters and new TV or online series, special programs and movies!
REPUBLICAN ROCKSTAR This new show involves nationally well known Republicans competing for the title of Republican Rockstar and a two million dollar campaign slush fund disguised as a tax exempt charitable non profit. The question the show asks is America knows they can talk but can they rock? Sadly after watching previews the answer may be hell no and a better question is what the hell were the producers thinking? So we asked and the producers explained that singing contests and talent shows have become a dime a dozen and nobody wants to see another nobody suck and fail miserably. What people want to see are rich and famous people with gigantic egos suck and fail miserably. That sounds like a terrific idea on paper but it hurts the ears to listen to and we hate to be a buzz kill of our own idea but this show is going nowhere.
REPUBLICAN ROCKSTAR
DAILY RACING RAG BIG SPECIAL EDITION - SUMMER previews of new movies in theaters and new TV or online series, special programs and movies!
SUSANA MARTINEZ - RECORD RACK As Koch Industries highest paid employee in New Mexico Susana Martinez still finds time to be New Mexico's Republican Governor. At the direction of the billionaire Koch Brothers she's made great progress in her mission to destroy labor unions, weaken worker safety rules, gut environmental regulations, stifle investigations into police department murder squads and stand by while wildfires burned one eighth of the state after cutbacks to fire departments. She is widely despised in New Mexico but the Kochs love her dearly and therefore the entire national Republican party loves her. Her new Latino music DJ show aims to capitalize on that obligatory popularity outside of New Mexico and who knows she may have a chance as a potential GOP Vice Presidential optic in the 2016 Sarah Palin slot. This week DJ Susana spins the calypso party music of El Rey Cruz de Canuba and the emotional and moody ballads of Marco lil' Tito de Rubio.
SUSANA MARTINEZ - RECORD RACK
DAILY RACING RAG BIG SPECIAL EDITION - SUMMER previews of new movies in theaters and new TV or online series, special programs and movies!
FOXHOLES - DEFENDING THE BORDER Outgoing Governor and 2016 Presidential hopeful Rick Perry and Sean Hannity team up to solve the child refugee crisis at the Texas border in what they call the Walker Texas Ranger Style of immediately booting the refugees all the way back to where they come from. Walker who once had a court order to stay away from his grandchildren says a big boot in the ass the only thing they understand since they don't speak English. In the premiere episode the duo destroy a church school bus in a covert ops action after they learn of a plot to move a group of refugee children away from the border.
FOXHOLES - DEFENDING THE BORDER
DAILY RACING RAG BIG SPECIAL EDITION - SUMMER previews of new movies in theaters and new TV or online series, special programs and movies!
THE BILLIONAIRE BACHELOR Rupert Murdoch is the most eligible bachelor in the world and in this new reality TV show his female employee contestants fuss all over him like he's the world's most lovable Teddy Bear. That's the last thing he is but everybody who works for Murdoch is intentionally overpaid to the point that they will do absolutely anything to keep their job. Rupert wants all his employees to know for certain that they are overpaid whores and they damn well better do exactly what he says when he says it and that includes acting like Murdoch is the love of their life and they damn well better gush like Bellagio fountains when the camera is on. Anyway these ladies have $100 billion additional reasons to turn on the charms as that is a conservative estimate of the billionaire's current net worth and that provides all the motivation these actress/newsladies need to attempt to turn a sour 84 year old impotent curmudgeon into a purring tom kitty smitten with his new kitten bride.
THE BILLIONAIRE BACHELOR
DAILY RACING RAG BIG SPECIAL EDITION - SUMMER previews of new movies in theaters and new TV or online series, special programs and movies!
MILF TEACHER 2 Miss Halsey is back but this time she teaches political science at a small liberal arts college in Colorado. It's standing room only in her popular class which this semester is focusing on the zombie lies of politics that keep being repeated no matter how many times the lies have been debunked. It becomes personal when zombie lies and rumors about her sexual escapades at her previous teaching job start circulating. Her problem is that those lies can't be debunked because they are all true and now it seems like half the student body and faculty both male and female are trying to get her in the sack at the same time she's dating professional athletes from the Denver Nuggets, Denver Broncos and Colorado Rockies.
MILF TEACHER 2
DAILY RACING RAG BIG SPECIAL EDITION - SUMMER previews of new movies in theaters and new TV or online series, special programs and movies!
TALES OF THE RIO GRANDE Another timely movie on Texas BBS "We Got The Sauce! coming this summer. After much crazy talk including insults and nutty conspiracy theories by Texas Governor Rick Perry played by a bulked up Rick Perry the President finally comes to Texas where death threats from Republicans are routine. Despite expectations Rick Perry would at least pistol whip the President on the airport tarmac the two got along terrific and had a long conversation on a helicopter ride to the meeting they were attending together. After discovering they agreed on 98% of everything to do about the refugee immigrant children streaming into Texas from Central America the President put the burden squarely on Perry to persuade the Texas Congressional delegation to support passage of a supplemental bill to provide the money.
TALES OF THE RIO GRANDE
DAILY RACING RAG BIG SPECIAL EDITION - SUMMER previews of new movies in theaters and new TV or online series, special programs and movies!
LOSING CHENEY is a new Lifeline Channel original movie that deals with a family problem becoming more and more frequent today. Dealing with demented and senile old family members is a challenge under any circumstances but when dealing with someone who once had immense power of life and death over millions and who unknowingly carries the weight of thousands of souls of those who died for no reason other than the manipulations of the living person they stalk. The Ikrit follows just outside the operating room just behind the passenger seat and just above it's bounty waiting to take Cheney's cold evil soul on the black hole express to the deepest pits of the hottest reaches of the fiercest regions of hell. Meanwhile the former Vice President makes demands on all around him to abet his ever evolving evil experiences as if a bucket list of all evil were his goal and obsession before escalating dementia consumes him. During a recent interview he inexplicably yelled "I'll never sell the Clippers!".
LOSING CHENEY
DAILY RACING RAG BIG SPECIAL EDITION - SUMMER previews of new movies in theaters and new TV or online series, special programs and movies!
WHITE CHICKEN LITTLE Sarah Palin lends her voice-over talents to this new adult political cartoon series. Sarah plays White Chicken Little who after twice winning ribbons for best breasts at the County Fair has become disillusioned with the farm's owner. She'd thought Farmer Obama had an unimpeachable character until she accidentally learns he's been eating her eggs for breakfast since her disappointing finish in this year's fair. She became hysterical and started running around like a chicken with it's head cut off yelling for an all out farm rebellion. The other hens voiced by Sophia Vergara and Christina Hendricks are too busy clucking on about the latest farm gossip too even notice White Chicken Little's ongoing anxiety attack.
WHITE CHICKEN LITTLE
DAILY RACING RAG BIG SPECIAL EDITION - SUMMER previews of new movies in theaters and new TV or online series, special programs and movies!
FACE CREATION WITH BOB SCHIEFFER This is an exciting new discussion and game show in which contestants dressed as Jesus expound on their own personal Christian denomination's version of Christianity and other topics you would expect to hear from folks dressed as Jesus. With 18,000 Christian denominations in existence the show expects no shortage of either contestants or unique interpretations of the Bible. Celebrity judges will rate each Jesus for persuasiveness and creativity and combined with a vote from the studio audience a new winner is determined at the end of each show. Three consecutive wins automatically qualifies a Christian denomination for the semi-finals competition. After the Supreme Court ruled that sincere belief of some Christian dogma supersedes federal law there is huge public interest in finding out exactly which sincere beliefs trump federal law. Other religions have filed lawsuits to discover which of their sincere beliefs might also trump federal law if the five male Republican Catholic justices allow that beliefs not found in their Bible can be considered sincere enough to trump federal law also.
FACE CREATION WITH BOB SCHIEFFER
DAILY RACING RAG BIG SPECIAL EDITION - SUMMER previews of new movies in theaters and new TV or online series, special programs and movies!
SHARIA LAW & ORDER - EMPLOYEE EVALUATIONS UNIT The Law and Order TV crime drama franchise will premiere this timely new show in late summer. After a Supreme Court decision rang the bell of corporate religious liberty by declaring that sincere religious beliefs trump federal law it shocked the nation to learn that hundreds of companies were either owned outright or the majority shareholders in the corporation were three practicing Muslim billionaires Bader Nasser Al Kharafi, Mohammed Al Shaya and Lubna Olayan. They were given every legal right to do so and began a purge of non-Muslim infidels from their payrolls for haram or sins against Islam. Firing offenses included adultery, premarital sex, sex during pregnancy, homosexuality, blasphemy, apostasy, use of alcohol, tobacco or drugs, eating pork, nutmeg, vanilla extract or gelatin, wearing gold jewelry, hairpieces, silk shirts or ties on men, wearing wigs, see through clothing or showing skin or hair on women and anyone having tattoos. Hundreds of thousands of workers from Office Depot, KFC, Met Life, Starbucks, Pizza Hut, Cadbury's and Krispy Kreme were affected. These are their stories.sound effect
SHARIA LAW & ORDER - EMPLOYEE EVALUATIONS UNIT
DAILY RACING RAG BIG SPECIAL EDITION - SUMMER previews of new movies in theaters and new TV or online series, special programs and movies!
THE SUPREMES- BABY I NEED YOUR LOVIN' After a a stunning Supreme Court decision limiting access to female contraceptive devices but not penis pumps, Viagra and Cialis the old Ivy League frat pack was feeling back in the game saying it's the time of life to take action so they decided to get the old band back together and take a restored muscle car on the road and charm the skirts right off the ladies just like in the old days. Sure the story sounds as familiar as an old beach blanket but those golden oldie songs are terrific and this is one Broadway show you can just sit back spread your legs and enjoy without thinking.song
THE SUPREMES- BABY I NEED YOUR LOVIN'
DAILY RACING RAG BIG SPECIAL EDITION - SUMMER previews of new movies in theaters and new TV or online series, special programs and movies!
WELCOME TO CANUBA After a Supreme Court decision Ted Cruz learns he is ineligible to run for President of the United States. In a violent scene of disgust and anger he renounces his U.S. citizenship and buys an entire island and carnauba palm plantation southwest of the Bahamas and declares it a sovereign nation called Canuba. Cruz leaves America forever and renames himself Generalissimo El Rey Canuba. After building a row of luxury condominiums Canuba deceives dozens of Canadian and Cuban beauty pageant contestants to come to the island. Using his charismatic personality he soon has a devoted cult of followers who stay with Canuba year round. As time passes his Epiphany embrace of Brazilian wax turns into a ritual his most intimate followers all participate in eagerly. This movie's natural and female scenery is so luxurious and sensuous in every shot that even with the delusional Canuba's demented discourse he is delightful as a man who has found his own paradise on earth.
WELCOME TO CANUBA
DAILY RACING RAG BIG SPECIAL EDITION - SUMMER previews of new movies in theaters and new TV or online series, special programs and movies!
THE AMBULANCE CHASER is a new Lifeline Channel movie starring John Boehner as a lawyer wannabe who starts suing everybody from his parent's estate to the neighborhood handyman to his chiropractor cousin. As his frivolous law suits near the 100 mark without success Boehner finally wins one after being sprayed with orange dye by a Pakistani dry cleaner. Emboldened by his success Boehner faces his biggest challenge ever as he files a law suit against the President of the United States.
THE AMBULANCE CHASERTHE AMBULANCE CHASER
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Revisit the classic 2012 Presidential Derby... Obama vs. Romney
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Al-Awlaki's Final Seconds On Tape!
Hellfire missile finds American-born terrorist in Yemen desert.

Anwar al-Awlaki was humming along in his just-washed 1988 Mercedes Benz on the main highway crossing the hot Yemeni desert in the Al Jawf region and talking jihad with Samir Kahn, his webmaster and only other known American-born al-Qaeda terrorist, and then...Byaaaaang! He's soot. President Obama announced the development adding we've run out of influential American-born radical al-Qaeda terrorists to vaporize.
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Revisit the classic 2008 Presidential Derby... Obama vs. McCain
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